A New Start
by SeekHim
Summary: His relationship with the crew of the Enterprise was shattered forever when they betrayed him. Now Kirk is ready to move on. AU. The first six months on board his new command, the USS Saratoga Part 4 of my 'A New Start' series
1. A Conversation

Disclaimer  
I'm not making a cent from this story.  
Kirk, Pike, McCoy, Thelin, Arex and M'Ress all belong to Star Trek.  
The name U.S.S. Saratoga is from Neferit's story, but everything about the ship's class/design I made up!

Acknowledgment  
Those of you who have read Neferit's works may have come across her 'This is the End' trilogy.  
In it Kirk is raped during shore leave. Instead of supporting him his crew, with the exception of Dr. McCoy,  
assumes that he was just fooling around and basically turn their backs on him. This betrayal, added to  
the devastating trauma of the rape, leads Kirk to step down as Captain of the _Enterprise. _Several months  
later he accepts command of a very different ship, the _USS Saratoga_.

When I read the series I was fascinated with the entire premise because it opened up a whole universe  
of new stories and possibilities. This story is my take on Kirk accepting his new command. I've written  
it with Neferit's kind permission.

Notes  
Other stories in this universe are, in chronological order:  
_Prologue_  
_Chastise_  
_A New Start_  
_A New Season  
Parallels  
Final Flight_  
_Unforgiven_

Request  
If you fave or follow please leave feedback! I live for it and it keeps me writing!

GOD bless  
John 3:16

* * *

_11/15/2258_  
_Starfleet Headquarters_  
_Office of Vice Admiral Christopher Pike_

Admiral Christopher Pike gave a reassuring smile to the young man sitting in front of him. "So, Jim, are you ready  
to head back out?"

Captain James T. Kirk took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, Admiral. I am."

"Do you have any preferences as to the type of posting?"

Kirk gave a slight smile."I definitely want a ship."

Pike gave a slight chuckle. "I figured that." He looked down at his PADD. "We do have a couple of ships that need  
a new CO. First on the list, and the one that Starfleet hopes you'll except, is the _USS Triumph_, _Constitution_ class.  
Aside from the _Enterprise _she's the newest ship in the Fleet and if the _Enterprise _hadn't been built she'd be the  
Flagship. Its former CO, Sean O'Neal, is being promoted to Admiral."

Kirk had flinched at the word '_Constitution_ class', and while Pike talked his expression had steadily darkened.  
"I'm going to have to decline, Chris," he said firmly. "I don't want _anything_ like my former posting. I did what  
I needed to do with the _Enterprise: _helped save Earth. But after what its crew did to me...anything even _remotely  
_like it is completely out of the question."

He took a deep breath. " I need a fresh start. A fresh start with a clean slate and as few reminders as possible.  
That means no _Constitution _class ship and preferably not a large one either."

He leaned forward and met his mentor's eyes. "Two good things came out of what happened to me. Number one:  
I found out who my real friends were. Number two: I did some growing up. I don't need the Flagship or a large  
ship; as long as it's a ship I'm happy. I don't need to be out in deep space; just being in space is enough."  
He gave a mirthless smile. "Frankly, I'd be fine with a freighter or a garbage scow."

Pike nodded thoughtfully. "I'll see what I can do, Jim. And I'm sure we can arrange something other than a garbage scow."


	2. Admirals Meeting

11/17/2258  
_Starfleet Headquarters_

Christopher Pike sat in a conference room with five other admirals: Juanita Estevez, Douglas Jones, Daniel Rosenberg,  
Pauline Hawkins and Joseph Mutekenga.

Jones started talking first. "How'd it go with Kirk, Chris? Did he accept the _Triumph?"_

"He turned it down the second I mentioned it."

Jones frowned. "You could have tried a little harder to persuade him."

"Doug, he doesn't want anything to do with _Constitution_ class," Pike said firmly. "Or any large ship for that matter.  
And we all know why."

It was Hawkins' turn to frown. "At the moment there aren't a lot of small ships that need a CO."

"What about the _Saber_?" Rosenberg suggested. "It has a crew of four hundred, that's relatively small."

Pike shook his head. "The_ Saber's_ an escort vessel, intended to patrol tense areas and fight in skirmishes. Kirk may  
be a brilliant tactician but at heart he's an explorer. He joined Starfleet to explore space not fight in wars."

"There's the _Seagull_," Mutekenga put in. "It's C_ygnus_ class; a scout and survey ship, three hundred member crew.  
That would be a perfect fit for him."

"I thought so too," Pike said. "Unfortunately its CMO is married to its First Officer. Both Kirk and Dr. McCoy have made  
it plain that they're a package deal."

Estevez had been going over her PADD. "What about the_ Saratoga_?," she asked thoughtfully. "It only has a crew  
of a hundred."

"Are you kidding?" Admiral Jones had an incredulous expression. "The _Saratoga_ is a _Delphis_ class! You want to give  
the man who once commanded the _Flagship_ a glorified shuttlepod?"

"It's hardly a shuttlepod," Estevez chided. "It's a science vessel."

"Exactly! At least scout ships explore and do reconnaissance. A science vessel conducts scientific research.  
Kirk is anything but a scientist! He'd be wasting his talents!

"On the contrary," Pike looked thoughtful; "I think the _Saratoga_ just might be a good fit. I know Jim better than  
any of you. He's been through a deep trauma and it's going to take a long time for him to heal. While he may be  
up to active duty again, he's _not_ up to anything similar to his former posting. That means nothing fancy and taking  
things slow for awhile. A science vessel with short term, non threatening missions might be exactly what he needs.  
I say that we give him the _Saratoga_ and see what happens. A couple of years down the road we can approach him  
with something different. "

"Fine," Jones snapped. "Let him have the _Saratoga_ if he wants it. But rest assured, Chris, there is no way that's  
he's staying there permanently. Kirk is one of the brightest stars of the 'Fleet and he's meant for bigger things  
then running stellar surveys or analyzing rock samples!"


	3. Acceptance

11/18/2258  
_Pike's Office_

"I think we've found just the ship for you, Jim." Pike handed Kirk a PADD. "The _USS Saratoga. _She's a science vessel,  
_Delphis_ class. Her primary function is planetary and astronomical research. As you requested, she's small with a crew  
of hundred. Missions are usually short term- a few months at the most. She's not a young ship; she's over eighteen  
years old, but she's not ancient either and she has a lot of good years left in her."

Kirk was silent, his eyes scanning the PADD.

"Eric Martell commanded her from the time she was launched," Pike continued. "His wife died recently and he's decided  
to retire so as to spend more time with his family. The current CMO is Dr. Paul Fieldstone. He served aboard her for six  
years, but he's agreeable to a transfer."

Kirk still didn't say anything.

"She's currently at Drydock undergoing a major refit. She's scheduled to head back out in two months. If you want her  
she's all yours."

Kirk slowly put the PADD down and looked up at Pike. "I'll take her," he said quietly.


	4. Another Conversation

12/20/2258  
_Starfleet Academy _  
_Office of Commander Pamela Dobson_

"Tuskaro Alyen and Shylea L'Naym. I'm sorry- I meant _Crewmen_ Alyen and L'Naym."

Commander Pamela Dobson smiled as she gazed at the young Nlian couple sitting across from her. They were both  
trying to look composed but she could tell by their anxious expressions and tightly held hands that they were nervous.

She thought back to that day, many years ago, when she had just graduated from the Academy and had been anxiously  
awaiting her first assignment. The couple in front of her were graduates of the Enlisted Training Program, but she knew  
that for them the excitement and apprehension were exactly the same.

"So, _Crewmen_, are you both ready for your first assignment?"

The lifemates both glanced at each other then nodded as they squeezed hands.

"Yes, Commander," L'Naym said with a smile that lit up both her large sea-green eyes and dark skinned face.  
"We are."

"Glad to hear it." Dobson glanced down at her PADD. "Good news- you've both been assigned to a starship."

Alyen's blue eyes widened. "A starship? We thought that new crewmen were assigned to stations or outposts before  
being placed on ships."

"There've been a few changes lately." Dobson grew more somber. "As I'm sure you're both aware, Starfleet, indeed  
the entire Federation has been through some very tying times and devastating losses."

The lifemates both nodded solemnly recalling the horrible events ten months previously; the destruction of Vulcan,  
the attack on Earth and the loss of nine Starfleet vessels.

Dobson continued. "All of those losses have resulted in an atypical acceleration of assets. Enlisted personnel are included.  
Starfleet needs to rebuild the Fleet as quickly as possible, so its been decided that promising graduates of the Enlisted  
Training Program will be posted on ships right away. And apparently," she flashed them a smile; "your instructors liked  
what they saw in both of you."

The lifemates stared wide eyed at each other, joyful emotions surging between them through their Bond. This was so  
much more than they had hoped. To work on a station or another planet would have been a great privilege. But to be  
on a starship…to be constantly traveling among the stars…

"You've both been assigned to the _USS Saratoga_," Commander Dobson was continuing. "She's a research vessel so there'll  
be plenty of work for a botanist and a medic. You're both to report to Commander Miles Hansen on the 27th at 0900  
for final instructions. And then on the 31st at 0800 hours you're to report to Shuttle 3 in Hangarbay 2."

She gave them another smile. "And on the _slight_ chance that you're nervous, you won't be the only new faces_;  
_the _Saratoga's _getting several other new crewmembers, including a new CO."

"A new Captain?" L'Naym asked.

"That's right. Her former CO, Eric Martell, has recently retired so she's getting a new one: James T. Kirk."

"Kirk?" Alyen asked. "Isn't he the one who everyone's been talking about?"

"That's him. James T. Kirk; Hero of the Federation, youngest Captain of the 'Fleet. He's recently returned to active duty  
and has been given command of the _Saratoga_. You'll both get to see him sworn in."


	5. A Captains' Meeting

12/27/2258  
_Starfleet Headquarters_

"I know you're eager to get back out, Jim," Pike explained as they walked out of his office. "But I also know how nervous you are.  
You're starting out easy; you've been assigned a six month tour of duty in the Alpha Quadrant. Pretty standard missions:  
astronomical surveys and planetary research. All well within Federation territory."

He paused. "And if you're worried about running into the _Enterprise_-don't be."

Kirk looked at him intently.

"Ambassador Spock and I had a few talks with the Admiralty," Pike continued. "The_ Enterprise_ will be spending most of her time  
in the Beta Quadrant. And the few times she _is_ the Alpha Quadrant, she won't be anywhere near you.

Kirk visibly relaxed. "Thank you, Chris."

As they stepped out into the hallway, Kirk noticed Dr. McCoy in conversation with an African American male in his late 50's.

The newcomer looked at Kirk and gave a warm smile. "Captain Kirk? Eric Martell. I hear you'll be manning the helm of my  
old ship from now on."

Kirk straightened "That's me, sir."

Martell's smile widened. "Call me Eric, I'm retired."

"Dr. McCoy?" Admiral Pike beckoned to the doctor. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

McCoy nodded. "Be back in a minute, Jim." He stepped into Pike's office leaving Kirk alone with Martell.

Martell turned back to Kirk. "You're getting a fine ship. I had her for eighteen years. But its time for us to part ways."  
He paused. "You're aware that my wife, Dorothy, passed away two months ago.

Kirk nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"We were together for thirty years. The best thirty years of my life. One of the many things I learned during those years is that  
the time you have with your loved ones is a time that will never come back so you need to seize every second of it.

"Dorothy was at my side every day from the time we married. Our daughter, though, lived on Earth. And although we seldom  
went on extended missions we still didn't see her nearly as often as we would have liked. We always regretted not being there  
for the birth of our grandson- a priceless moment that we missed and that can never be regained."

He sighed. "It was just after Dorothy was diagnosed that we learned that our second grandchild was on the way. She fought to  
stay alive long enough to see her come into the world; she wanted so badly to be there. But...she didn't make it. I promised her  
that I'd be there for the birth and that's a promise that I intend to keep."

His smile retuned and he clapped a visibly moved Kirk on the shoulder. "So no misty eyes. I may have lost my wife, but I still  
have my daughter, my son in law, my grandson and in another month I'll have my granddaughter. And I intend to spend as much  
time with them as possible and not miss any more irretrievable moments. No more off-world duty for the _Saratoga's _old helmsman;  
it's time for her to get a new one."

He looked into Kirk's eyes. "And from what I've heard about you, Jim, I'd say she's getting a fine one."

"Thank you," Kirk said.

"Some of the crew has been with her from day one," Martell continued. "A couple where with me on the _Tripoli _where I served  
as First Officer. They'll help you learn your way around pretty quickly."

He looked at Kirk seriously. "The _Saratoga's_ a good ship, Jim. A good ship with a good crew. And she'll never let you down."

_Never let me down. _Kirk thought._ I pray so. _

"Eric?"

Kirk looked up to see an African American woman in her mid 40's approaching.

Martell smiled. "Jim, this is Lieutenant Commander Joyce Filars, my…your Chief Engineer and Second Officer.  
She's been  
the Queen Bee of the _Saratoga's_ engine room for eight years. You'll be in good hands with her."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Filars said with a smile.

"Not flattery, just the truth." The two exchanged a firm hug before Martell withdrew. "I have another appointment I have  
to get to, Joyce. We'll talk again this evening."

He gave a final nod to Kirk. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Jim. Take good care of our girl."

"I'll do that," Kirk promised.

"Remember, she'll never let you down. And neither will her crew."

As Martell left, Kirk noticed Filars had tears forming in her eyes. "You and Martell are close." It wasn't a question.

Filars nodded. "Very. He was a good friend as well as a good Captain. When he stepped down there were a lot of tears."

_There weren't any when I left the Enterprise,_ Kirk thought bitterly. _On either side_.

"Guess I've got some pretty big shoes to fill," he put in thoughtfully.

"No one can fill another person's shoes, Captain," Filars said in a quiet tone. "We each fill our own. Captain Martell made his  
own mark with the _Saratoga_ and you'll make yours." She gave him a smile. You've already made quite a mark with Starfleet.  
Not many Captains can claim to have saved the world."

"Don't let it go to his head." McCoy had stepped out of Pike's office.

Kirk grinned and clapped his old friend on the shoulder. "Well, Bones, there's no turning back now. Five more days and its back  
out into the black."

"Yeah," McCoy muttered. " I'm _really_ looking forward to it."

Kirk grinned. "Not."


	6. First Meeting

12/27/2258  
_Starfleet Headquarters_

L'Naym clasped her lifemate's shoulder. "Beloved, look over there. Isn't that Captain Kirk?"

Alyen looked to where she was pointing. "It _is_ him. And I think that's Dr. McCoy with him."

L'Naym took his hand. "We have a few minutes before our appointment. We should go say hello."

"They might be busy," Alyen said uncertainly.

"They don't look busy," she countered. And indeed the two officers, who sat on a bench, were doing  
nothing but chatting quietly.

"We're going to be serving under them so we should introduce ourselves," L'Naym pressed.  
"Besides, they've just been assigned to the _Saratoga_, so I doubt that they know anyone yet.  
They'd probably appreciate a friendly greeting."

Alyen's gentle features took on an expression that was both thoughtful and sad. "The Captain will  
probably appreciate it even more considering everything that's happened to him."

* * *

"Captain Kirk?"

Kirk looked up to see a young couple standing before him. Both were Nlian- slightly shorter than humans  
with larger ears and eyes. The woman had dark brown skin, long black hair and enormous sea-green eyes  
that fairly glowed with warmth and cheer. The male was Caucasian in appearance with brown hair and gentle  
blue eyes.

The woman took the lead. "I'm Crewman L'Naym and this is my lifemate, Crewman Alyen. We've just been  
assigned to your ship, the _Saratoga."_

Kirk gave them a friendly smile. "Well, let me be the first to welcome you both aboard."

"Actually, sir, we wanted to welcome you." The young woman's smile seemed to light up her whole face.  
"There'll be a formal welcoming ceremony when you come on board, but we thought that you might like  
an informal greeting as well."

The male spoke for the first time with a soft voice and a shy smile. "Welcome aboard, sir. We're both looking  
forward to serving with you."

Kirk's smile grew broader. "And I you, Crewmen."

Alyen looked over at Dr. McCoy. "Dr. McCoy? I understand that you're the new Chief Medical Officer.  
I'm a paramedic and a medical assistant, so I'll be part of your staff. I'm looking forward to serving  
with you as well."

McCoy gave one of his snorts. "We'll see how long you stay glad."

"Be nice, Bones," Kirk chided. He turned back to L'Naym "And what will _you_ be doing onboard the _Saratoga,  
_Crewman?"

She gave a merry chuckle. "Working with plants, sir. I'm a botanist."

"Crewmen Alyen and L'Naym." An officer had stepped out of an office carrying a PADD.

"That's us," L'Naym said brightly. As the two Nlians joined hands and headed down the hallway toward  
their appointment, she glanced back one more time. "We'll see you both later, Captain. Doctor. And once again,  
welcome aboard."

Kirk smiled again and wondered what it was about the two crewmen that struck him.


	7. A New Ship

1/1/2259  
_Hangarbay 2_

As usual the massive hangar was a hive of activity. Shuttle crews preparing for departure, personnel comparing  
notes, supplies being loaded. Added to that was the hum and whir of machines and automatics.

James T. Kirk used to stride through such confusion with cocky confidence. But that was then and this was now  
and he was glad that Bones was beside him.

"Captain," Ahead he saw Filars waiting for him by a tiny shuttle. She greeted him with a brisk nod and smile.  
"Welcome to the _High Tide_."

"_High Tide_." Kirk smiled. "I don't think I've heard a shuttle named that before."

"That's one of the quirks of _Delphis _class ships, they're always named after something associated with the sea  
and so are their shuttles. The _Saratoga_ has four regular shuttles: the _Cloudfront, _the _Fairwind_, the _Farshore  
_and the_ Seaspice. _It has a runabout for lengthy away missions: the _Waverider, _and this little baby for short  
term recon and ship to ship transfers: the _High Tide."_

"I think I'm getting seasick already," McCoy muttered.

Jim grinned and clapped his friend on the arm. "All aboard, Bones."

As the shuttle rose skyward, the sprawling metropolis of San Francisco fell away below. Brown and green land  
gave way to the vast blue expanse of the Pacific Ocean, which in turn surrendered to the darkness of space  
and thousands of stars.

"So, Captain, have you ever been on a _Delphis_ class ship before?" Filars asked.

"No. I've familiarized myself with the specifications, but this will be the first time I've actually been on one."

"Then, if I may be so bold, you're in for treat. The _Saratoga's_ quite a ship."

_So was the Enterprise. _He quickly shoved the thought aside. "I'm sure she is."

The _High Tide_ cleared the ionosphere and approached the immense orbiting facility that was Starfleet Spacedock.  
It slowed on its approach toward one of the docked ships.

"And there she is," Filars said with obvious affection. "The _USS_ _Saratoga:_ _Delphis_ class, ten decks, current crew  
complement of a hundred and three. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts."

With a pang Kirk recalled the first time he'd seen the _Enterprise_. She had been beautiful, highlighted perfectly  
against the black of space, the sun flaring against her crisp white hull. From the moment he'd first seen her,  
something about her had called to him.

_And look how that turned out._

He shoved thoughts of the past aside. _Look to the here and now_.

He studied the tiny ship ahead. At only 180 meters long, she was much smaller than any other ship he'd  
encountered.

And yet…

He sensed a personality about her, a calm confidence. There were three other ships docked; an _Armstrong,  
Mayflower_ and a _Hermes _class. All of them dwarfed her, but she didn't seem daunted in the slightest.  
It was as if she was saying to the other ships, _Am I supposed to be impressed with you guys just because  
you're big? I know my worth. Do you? _

He also sensed feistiness about her, as if she was saying, _I may be little but don't think for one second  
that I can't hold my own!_

As if hearing his thoughts, Filars continued. "When I first transferred to her I'd spent three years serving onboard  
the _USS_ _Kepler. _The_ Kepler _was a _Newton_ class, the largest in the fleet at the time, and the first time I saw  
the _Saratoga _all I could think was 'I'm going to be on that dinky little thing?' She chuckled. "She soon taught  
me the error of my ways."

Her expression turned serious. "I've been with her for eight years and the Number One rule that she's taught  
me is _never_ judge anything by its size. Never make the mistake of thinking that bigger means better or that  
smaller means less. The _Saratoga _may not big, but she's a match for any ship in the Fleet."

"Sounds like she's your baby," Kirk remarked.

"That she is. And I'm confident she'll become yours as well."

A voice came over the intercom. '_Saratoga to Shuttlecraft High Tide, you are cleared for arrival in Shuttlebay.'_


	8. Arrival

_Shuttlebay of the Saratoga_

"Commanding Officer of the _U.S.S._ _Saratoga _arriving."

Kirk barely heard Filars' announcement and the boatswain' s whistle. His mind was too full of the thought, _This is it_.

He stepped out of the shuttle and saw his new crew standing at attention, gazing at him expectantly.

As he made his way towards the podium he spotted the two Nlians who had spoken to him at Starfleet Headquarters.  
They both noticed him looking at them and flashed welcoming smiles. He smiled back and abruptly realized what it was  
that had struck him about the couple.

Since being promoted to Captain he had become used to seeing awe and occasionally trepidation in the faces of new people.  
But although the two Nlians obviously respected him, what had shown from their faces was nothing but genuine warmth  
and friendliness.

Arriving at the podium he read out loud from his PADD.

_To Captain James Tiberius Kirk.  
Stardate 2259.01_

_You are hereby requested and required to take command of the U.S.S Saratoga as of this date. _

_Vice Admiral Christopher Pike.  
Starfleet Command._

He looked out over the assembled faces of his new crew. Every single one of them met his gaze and in each of their eyes  
he saw both respect and determination to prove themselves to their new Captain.

_They'll always have my back,_ he realized.

He shuddered slightly as a tension that had lurked within him from the moment he'd reapplied for another starship evaporated.


	9. Reception

_Saratoga Mess Hall_

Kirk glanced around the room. After the formal induction, he and his new senior staff had headed to the Mess Hall for  
the reception. Located on Deck 2 it served both as a dining room for the crew as well as a place for social gatherings.  
Filars had informed him that due to the smaller size of the _Saratoga_ there was no Officer's Mess.

_"Delphis class ships are small and don't have a lot of amenities, so we're a lot less formal. There's no Officer's Mess,  
just the Mess. No Officer's Lounge, just the Lounge. Everybody from crewman to Captain eats and relaxes together."  
_She'd smiled. _"I've always liked it."_

Kirk found he liked it too. There was a tiny Captain's Dining Room, located behind the Mess but he'd already decided  
that the only time he'd use would be if he were entertaining important guests.

And now he found himself gazing into the eyes of his new First Officer.

"Welcome, aboard, Captain," the Andorian said quietly. "I am Commander Thelin th' Valrass. I will be both your  
First Officer and Chief Science Officer. It is my honor to serve under you."

"The honor is mine, Commander," Kirk answered. He had looked up the background of his new First Officer:  
Andorian/Aenar hybrid. Brilliant scientist with a focus in climatology. Calm natured but born of a warrior race and  
so a skilled fighter. As Kirk looked into his eyes he also sensed integrity and no small amount of warmth.

As the reception continued there were other introductions.

The tall powerfully built Japanese male bowed solemnly to him. "_Kon'nichiwa,_ Captain. I am Lieutenant Haruto Akari,  
Chief Helmsman. I am honored to serve you."

Kirk bowed back. "The honor is mine, Lieutenant."

"I'm Lieutenant Shiboline M'Ress, Captain," the Caitain female said in a soft purring voice. "It's a pleasure to serve  
under you."

Kirk looked into the golden eyes of his Chief of Communications and smiled. "The pleasure is mine, Lieutenant."  
_And I didn't even have to go through a lot of effort to learn your first name, _he thought.

"Greetings Captain. I'm Lieutenant Arex Na Eth. You may remember me."

Kirk grinned at the Edosian. "Yeah, I saw you at the Academy a few times. You're supposed to be one of the best  
navigators in the Fleet."

"According to some, sir. I am simply here to do my best."

"Captain." Filars came up to him and handed him a dish of steaming meats and vegetables. "Try this, you're not  
eating enough."

"Yes, Ma'am." Kirk grinned and took the plate. From the moment they'd met, his new Chief Engineer had developed  
a maternal streak toward him. "Hmmm. This is delicious," he commented as he began to eat.

Filars smiled. "Get used to it. Our Chef, Petty Officer Gavor, is a Tellerite. He _lives _to complain but he is one great cook."

Kirk glanced around the Mess Hall again and noticed two girls, about twelve and eleven, chattering with a nine year old boy.  
_Delphis_ class ships generally had safer missions and so crewmembers were permitted to bring their children on board with  
them, something rare on other Starfleet vessels. He'd found out that there were seven kids on board the _Saratoga_.  
While he wasn't really used to being around kids, he was sure that having them around would keep things interesting.

He smiled internally. _If nothing else it'll keep Bones on his toes._

_The chef _is_ one great cook,_ he thought as he took another helping. _And I have a feeling that this will be one great ship._

* * *

_Note  
Kon'nichiwa _is Japanese for 'Hello'


	10. A New Medbay

_Saratoga corridors_

McCoy made his way through the _Saratoga's_ corridors, following his new Head Nurse, Diana Belzoni. She'd introduced herself  
during the reception and he'd asked her to show him the medbay. "So I can see what I have to work with," he'd said.

He mulled over what he knew about her so far; Italian, forty-one years old and, married to Lieutenant Commander Ricardo Belzoni,  
Head of the Biochemestry Department. Both had served on the _Saratoga _for five years and from what he'd seen of her records,  
she was a skilled, competent nurse, dedicated to her craft.

As they walked through the hallways, McCoy felt his curiosity rise. "What was the last CMO like?"

Belzoni turned to him. She was a short statured woman with a huge personality and although she wasn't what many would  
consider beautiful, her dark eyes were very expressive.

They sparkled now as she smiled. "Paul Fieldstone? He was a good man. He served here for six years but when they told him  
that our new Captain and CMO were a package deal and that he was getting transferred he said he understood. He told me  
that he was looking forward to his new posting: the _U.S.S. Wyoming. _It's _Armstrong_ class and with a larger sickbay and a  
seven hundred and fifty member crew it will keep him busy." She gave a slight chuckle. "He was always happiest when up  
to his eyebrows in work."

"Sounds like my kind of guy," McCoy commented.

"This is a small ship so we have a much smaller staff than you're used to," Belzoni continued. "I, of course, am the Head Nurse.  
Then there's Lieutenant Jeffrey Flanders. He's a medical technician as well as a very good biomedical researcher. You won't see  
much of him during the day; he's a regular night owl and almost always requests Gamma Shift, so it's easy to avoid night duty."

"Sound good to me."

"We also have Lieutenant Minil. She's a nurse and a good medical technician herself. We also have Crewman Tuskaro Alyen.  
He's brand new and will be serving as both a paramedic and medical assistant."

"Met him briefly already."

"And finally we have Ensign Maria Sanchez, Counselor in Training and assistant nurse."

"Captain Martell's wife was the last Ship's Counselor, right?"

A shadow passed over Belzoni's eyes "_Sì_. She was not only Ship's Counselor but a friend to everyone on board. When she died,  
it wasn't unexpected, but it hit a lot of people hard. Especially Maria."

They continued in silence for a few minutes until they finally arrived at their destination.

"Here we are, Doctor," Belzoni said with a smile.

McCoy stepped inside his new headquarters and took a brief tour. It was comprised of four wards: a four bed Treatment Ward  
with a CMO office, a Medical Lab, a two bed Surgical/Intensive Care Ward. It was much smaller than the Medbay on the _Enterprise;  
_but McCoy found that it gave the bay a more intimate feel.

"It may not be as big as the one on the _Enterprise," _Belzoni continued; "but it suits our needs."

McCoy stiffened and his expression went dark. "Do me a favor? Do _not_ mention the_ Enterprise_ around me. _Especially _not around  
the Captain. Those backstabbers hurt him worse than the animals who raped him."

Belzoni nodded solemnly. "I understand, Doctor."

"Dr. McCoy?"

McCoy turned toward the greeting and spotted Crewman Alyen.

The young Nlian approached and bowed his head slightly. "Greetings, Doctor."

"I remember you," McCoy commented. "You and your Missus were cozying up to the Captain the other day."

Alyen's eyes widened slightly. "Doctor, I assure you, we were only…"

"Trying to be friendly," McCoy interrupted. "Well don't think for one second that being friendly's going to get you anywhere  
in _my_ sickbay. I have zero tolerance for idiots and I expect nothing less than the best at all times."

Alyen nodded. "I never give anything _but_ my best, Doctor. I'm here to serve and to learn."

"I'm a doctor, not a teacher," McCoy muttered.

"But I'll be working under you and learning from you," the Nlian replied quietly. A slight smile came to his face. "So in a way  
you_ are_ my teacher and I am your student." He met the doctor's eyes. "And I look forward to our journey together."

The corner of McCoy's mouth twitched slightly. "Well I guess we'll soon find out what you're made of, won't we?"


	11. First Launching

_Saratoga Bridge_

"Captain on the Bridge."

Kirk take a long look around the _Saratoga_ bridge. It was much smaller than the bridge of the _Enterprise.  
_In contrast to the nineteen duty stations of the Flagship, the _Saratoga_ only had twelve, only six of which  
needed to be fully manned. But at the same time it gave off a more intimate feel.

Following the reception he'd wandered around his new ship in order to get a feel for her and what he'd seen  
he'd liked. The _Saratoga_ was tiny, but she definitely had personality and he had no doubt that she could  
hold her own in a of all every crewmember he'd encountered had greeted him with both respect  
and warmth.

Now it was time for one final step to make his new Captaincy fully official- his first launching.

He saw the expectant faces of his bridge crew and smiled as he noted that Bones had come from Medbay  
to stand beside him during the launch.

With a nod to the crew, Kirk made his way over to the command chair and sat down. "Let's get this show  
on the road. Lieutenant M'Ress, get me Dock Control."

"Dock Control reading, sir," the Caitian responded. "Control, this is the _Saratoga._ Requesting permission  
to depart."

_"Saratoga this is Dock Control, permission to depart granted_."

Bones leaned over and squeezed his shoulder. "Buckle up, Jim," he said softly.

Kirk smiled briefly in gratitude. "All decks this is Captain Kirk. Prepare for immediate departure."  
He called down to Engineering. "Commander Filars, how are we doing down there?"

From Engineering came the confident and reassuring, "_Dilithium chamber at maximum, Captain.  
Warp available at your command."_

"Thank you, Commander." He turned to Akari. "Retract all moorings, Mr. Akari and engage thrusters."

"Moorings retracted, Captain and thrusters fired," the Helmsman said confidently.

Gracefully the tiny ship pulled away from its harbor.

"The _Saratoga_ has cleared Spacedock, Captain. We are ready for warp."

"Set our course."

"Course laid in."

"Engage."

* * *

_Captain's Log _  
_Stardate 2259.0.1_

_This is my first log entry as Captain of the Saratoga.  
We are currently en-route to the Hymer System, our first stop in a six month mission of planetary  
and astronomical research._

_On a more personal note, I've only been on this ship for a few hours, but I already have a good feeling  
about her. As for my new crew – every single one of them met my gaze when I came on board for  
the first time, and I could tell that unlike my last crew they would always have my back.  
I'm looking forward to getting to know all of them better._

_James T. Kirk_


	12. An Invitation

_1/2/2259_  
_Captain's Ready Room_  
_2:45 pm._

Kirk sat in his Ready Room going over reports. In another 24 hours the _Saratoga_ would be arriving  
at the massive Hymer Cloud and he wanted to be as up to date as possible.

He'd been pleasantly surprised with the _Saratoga_ Ready Room. The _Enterprise_ had a very large one,  
but he'd seldom used it. However he'd liked the _Saratoga's _the moment he saw it; it was like everything  
else on his new ship, small but cozy, and he had a feeling that he would be using his 'private office' a lot.

The door chimed, signaling the arrival of his 2:45 appointment and he looked up. "Come in."

The two crewmen who had introduced themselves at Starfleet HQ stepped inside and Kirk put down the report.  
"Crewmen Alyen and L'Naym."

"Glad that you remember us, sir," L'Naym said with a bright smile.

"Never forget a face." Kirk gestured to the two chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat. I saw in my schedule  
this morning that you'd both requested an appointment with me. What can I do for you both?"

"Actually, Captain, we wanted to do something for you," L'Naym responded. "We've both been assigned  
to Alpha Shift for the next few days." She took a breath. "And we were hoping to invite you to share a meal  
with us tomorrow evening."

Upon seeing the Captain's eyebrows rise she continued. "You see, sir, meals are very important on Nlia.  
When one has gained a new leader its customary to invite them to one's home for a meal as a sign of loyalty  
and respect. It's a very old tradition and it's not always accepted by non-Nlians but we felt led to offer it to you."

"We're aware that you might consider it inappropriate to accept such an offer from two crewmen,"  
Alyen whispered. "And if you refuse we'll understand."

"But if you'd consider it, we'd be honored," L'Naym finished.

"The honor is mine, Crewmen," Kirk said quietly. "I would be happy to share a meal with you both."

Hang protocol, after everything he'd been through he needed all the pleasantness he could get.

Both Nlians' eyes widened and a beaming smile broke out on L'Naym's face. "Wonderful! Can we expect  
you tomorrow at 1800 hours? Room 504?"

"Tomorrow evening, 1800 hours," Kirk promised with a smile of his own. "I'll be there with bells on."


	13. A Dolphin

_Saratoga Engine Room_

"There's something to be said for being on a brand new ship," Filars said. "But I've always preferred ships  
that were more seasoned."

Kirk nodded. Filars had come to him to seek his approval on some new updates she'd wanted to install on  
some of the anti-gravity units. Since there had been nothing currently going on he'd decided to accompany  
her. Although his first love was the Bridge he'd always had an interest in Engineering and there was something  
exciting about being near the mighty engines that powered a ship.

As he watched her work he'd asked her a few questions about the _Saratoga_ and it turned out that when it  
came to anything about this ship and its history she was a fount of knowledge.

"The _Saratoga's_ not a young ship, fresh from the docks," Filars continued. "She has history; a lot of stories  
to tell and a lot more to come."

Kirk thought briefly of the _Enterprise._ The Flagship was only a year old and she already had plenty of stories,  
including saving Earth. Who knew how many more she would have by the time she was finally decommissioned?

He scowled. There was one _Enterprise_ story that was forever branded into his soul. A story of violation,  
betrayal and abandonment. He fervently hoped that the _Saratoga's_ future stories would be more healing.

"Captain could you hand me that coil spanner?"

Kirk forced his concentration back on his Chief Engineer.

"The _Delphis_ class is very small," Filars continued after he handed her the tool "When it was first proposed,  
a lot of people were put off by its size. The man who designed it pointed out that the first _Enterprise_,  
the _Enterprise NX_, had been even _smaller_ with a crew of eighty three. And look at all _she_ accomplished."

She gave a sad smile. "Starfleet vessels were originally a lot smaller than now. But as time passed they got  
bigger and bigger and everyone just started assuming that bigger meant better. And then after the _Kelvin_…"

She sighed. "I can understand why they did it; larger ships do have a tactical advantage against a threat  
like Nero. But still…I just hope people realize that smaller doesn't necessarily mean inferior."

Kirk nodded thoughtfully. His thoughts turned to his former Chief Engineer. As far as Scotty had been concerned,  
the _Enterprise _was the best ship in the quadrant. And compared to her every other existing ship was a spark  
before a supernova.

_But I have to admit I felt the same way once_, he thought. _There was a time when as far as I was concerned  
there was only one ship in the Fleet and her name was Enterprise. And I could never have imagined leaving her._

_But that was then and this is now._

"Captain? Come with me."

Kirk abruptly realized that Filars had her hand on his arm and was pulling him to his feet. "Hey what are you-?"

"I'm done here and you're coming with me to the Mess Hall," she said firmly. "Its lunch time and you need to eat,  
young man."

As she pulled him out of the corridor where she had been working she called out. "Hophea!"

Lieutenant Hophea Patariki, Filars' fondly acknowledged second in command, appeared. "Yes Commander?"  
the 6'2 Māori asked in his deep booming voice.

"The Captain and I are heading to the Mess Hall. You have everything down here?"

Patariki's expressive face smiled. "As always, Commander."

Filars smiled back. "I know, old friend. I know."

As they made their way through toward the turbolift Kirk thought of one final question. "Why exactly is this ship's  
class named 'Delphis?'"

Filars smiled. "_Delphis_ is Greek for _Dolphin._ The man who designed this class, grew up by the ocean. He often  
said that dolphins weren't big or flashy and if you saw a whole pod of them, none of them stood out. But if you  
got one alone and saw what it could do, you knew that it owned the sea because there was nothing in the sea  
more clever or daring. He envisioned a ship like a dolphin- small but clever and with no limit to what it could do."

She chuckled. "I've always thought of the _Saratoga_ as a terrier."

Kirk raised his eyebrows in question. Earlier he had met Filars' two 'babies', a Yorkshire and Cairn terrier,  
and he wondered how they compared to the _Saratoga._

Filars explained. "As anyone who knows dogs can tell you,large dogs are the easy going ones. It's the little  
ones that are feisty and terriers are the most feisty of all."

Her face grew serious. "Terriers may be small but they've got huge personalities. They're completely devoted  
to their loved ones and they're absolutely fearless. If someone they love is in danger a terrier would throw itself  
at a dragon without hesitating. A terrier's heart is synonymous with a lion's heart. The only difference is that  
a terrier is so small that its fierceness can catch you others guard and that just might give it the advantage."

As they reached and entered the turbolift she once again smiled. "So what you are in command of, Captain,  
is a clever dolphin with the heart of a terrier."

Kirk chuckled. "I guess the galaxy had better watch out."

As the turbolift began its upward journey he thought._ I traded an elegant Silver Lady for a brave and clever dolphin.  
I think it wasn't a bad trade._


	14. Gas Cloud

_1/3/2259 _  
_Saratoga Bridge_

"Would you look at that," Kirk murmured.

The Hymer Gas Cloud, stretched before them in all of its vast blue-violet glory. The_ U.S.S. Hawking _had discovered it during  
a deep space survey and now the _Saratoga_ would be spending the next week conducting sensor sweeps and in-depth studies  
of it. They would also run several away-missions, including an extended one with the _Waverider_. Kirk was already planning  
on being on one or more of those missions.

"It's beautiful," M'Ress purred softly.

"It _is_ impressive," Thelin commented from his station. "Commander Falno has already _requested _extra time on the sensor  
array."

"I'll bet," Kirk chuckled. During the reception he had met with Lieutenant Commander Victor Falno, head of Stellar Cartography  
and Astrophysics. He was of British descent and born and raised on Tycho City. There was no one more dedicated to stellar  
sciences and to hear him talk it was the only worthwhile science in existence. He could be pushy and his regular 'sparring matches'  
with Thelin about personnel and use of equipment were somewhat legendary.

But there was one thing he'd said that had definitely make Kirk take notice. _"Big ships come in, discover the place and move on.  
We come in and take a closer look and in the process make a lot more discoveries."_

His words echoed the sentiment of Senior Chief Petty Officer Laurence Tolliver, who even now was going over the settings  
at Mission Operations.

_"Delphis class ships_ _conduct the_ _analysis on an area after an explorer ship makes the initial discovery_. _We have the best sensors  
in the fleet and many times we pick up details that larger ships miss. Details which might be trivial or which might mean the  
difference between life and death. Our ships are not flashy, and their work is often unsung. But those who serve on them know  
their worth."_

_And its time I did too, _Kirk thought firmly.

"All right everyone. We've got a lot of work to do. The _Hawking_ discovered this beauty. Let's get in there and take a closer look at it."


	15. Three Pledges

_1/3/2259_  
_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters  
6:00 PM_

"Captain," Alyen greeted with a smile as he opened the door. "Come in."

"Thank you," Kirk said pleasantly. He looked around as he stepped over the threshold. "Wow. I like what you've done with the place."

"Thank you," Alyen said shyly. "We're only crewmen but they still gave us large quarters. There are definite advantages to being lifemated."

"That there are," Kirk chuckled. "This certainly beats having bunk beds."

On _Delphis_ class ships married couples were given their own quarters regardless of rank. Since the Nilians had no children their quarters  
were small, but they'd richly decorated it with flowers, plants, rugs and cushions, giving their dwelling a warm, homey feel.

L'Naym looked up from where she was arranging food on the small dining table. "Welcome to our home, Captain," she said with her trademark  
smile. "Consider it your home as well."

"Thank you, Crewman," Kirk responded.

"Before we all sit down, there's something that we'd like to do, if you would permit." L'Naym left the table and stood beside her lifemate.  
"We've invited you into our home. Now, before we eat, we would both like to give you our Pledges. It's the Pledge given to a new Chieftain,  
or in your case a new Captain."

Looking their Captain in the eyes, both Nlians began to chant in unison. Although Kirk didn't understand what they were saying he gathered  
from their solemn expressions that it was important.

"Those words. What do they mean?" he asked after they were finished.

This time the Nlians spoke softly in standard.

"_To you, our Chieftain, we give this Pledge._  
_By your side we will stand._  
_Where you lead, we will follow._  
_What you ask, we will give._  
_What you command, we will obey."_

Kirk's eyes widened and he felt his throat tighten. "Are…are there any words I'm supposed to say?" he managed finally.

"Captain," Alyen began, "there's no need for you to…"

"Please…are there?"

"Yes," Alyen said quietly.

_"To you, my tribemates, I give this Pledge.  
By your sides I will stand._  
_On the right paths I will lead._  
_Your lives I will defend._  
_Your trust I will not betray."_

"Well, I guess I'd better say them then," Kirk said quietly. He looked into both Nlians' eyes and solemnly repeated the words.

L'Naym gave a gentle smile. "Now that we've made our Pledges, we celebrate with a meal." She led him to the table. "I'm sure you're  
hungry and we shouldn't let the food get cold."


	16. A Dinner Conversation

"Mmm," Kirk murmured as he swallowed another mouthful of the meal L'Naym had prepared. "This is delicious!"

"Thank you," L'Naym beamed. "I've always loved to work with foods. And I'll be getting a lot of chances to do that on this ship;  
I'll be helping in the galley sometimes."

"You're working with _Gavor_?" Kirk raised an eyebrow. He'd had an 'encounter' with the Tellerite chef on his first day aboard and  
wasn't likely to forget it anytime soon. "He's not too hard on you is he?"

L'Naym gave a rueful chuckle. "No. He may like to insult but he has a kind heart beneath. And he's an excellent cook. He loves to  
cook and I love to bake so I think we'll get along just fine."

"I hope so, for your sake." Only that morning Bones had had an 'encounter' of his own with the Tellerite and Kirk had thought that  
the two would peel the paint off the walls. He had never thought that anyone could out-temper or out-argue Leonard McCoy, but  
he now believed that the doctor may have finally met his match.

"So tell me about yourselves," he continued as he reached for another bread roll. "I know that you're both from Nlia, I know that  
you're both married." He winked at L'Naym. "And I know that _you_ are one great cook. How did you both wind up on my ship?"

"We always wanted to be in Starfleet," Alyen began. "When we were children we'd spend hours watching the stars and imagining  
visiting them. We loved to visit the spaceport at the capital. We'd watch the ships come and go, imagine where they'd been and  
what they'd seen."

"When you were both children? You've known each other a long time then?"

"Practically our whole lives. We met when we were both seven and were best friends from that moment on. We remained close  
all during the years that we grew up and, as often happens, our friendship grew into love. We lifemated a year ago."

"You're both lucky."

"Thank you," Alyen said softly. He turned toward L'Naym and took her hand. "By the time we were twenty we knew that our hearts  
beat only for each other. Our people aren't permitted to lifemate until they undergo the Rite of Adulthood which, at the time, was two  
years away. But I would have gladly lifemated her then. Because I knew then, as I know now, that she was my heart and that there  
would never be anyone but her." The look he gave his lifemate was one of naked adoration.

L'Naym squeezed his hand and returned the adoring gaze. "And I knew then, as I know now, that you were my soul, she whispered.  
"And that I could no more live without you then I could live without the air I breathed."

"Well," Kirk said quietly. "You're both _very_ lucky."

"Tuskaro had training as a medic and I've always been a good botanist," L'Naym continued. "A few weeks after we lifemated,  
we entered the Starfleet Training Program for Enlisted Personnel. When we left to begin our training it was the first time either  
of us had ever been off-planet."

"That was pretty brave of you," Kirk said. "When I went to the Academy it was just a quick shuttle ride from Iowa to California.  
You left your whole world."

"Shylea _is_ my world, Captain," Alyen said quietly.

"My ancestors were desert nomads," L'Naym put in. "A favorite saying of theirs was that as long as one had the embrace of kin  
it didn't matter where they laid your head. As long as I'm with my lifemate I'm home."

Alyen continued the story. "We completed our training last month and this is our first assignment. We assumed we'd be sent to an  
outpost- most new crewmen are. But they told us that we were being assigned to a starship."

Kirk nodded thoughtfully. "Starfleet lost a lot of ships at Vulcan so they're trying to get as many new ships filled with as many new  
crewmen as possible. So anyone who shows promise has a better than good chance of getting on a ship now."

Alyen smiled. "Well whatever their reasons, we're grateful. The first ship we were ever on was the Nlian freighter that took us to  
Starbase 19. From there we took a transport, the _Horizon,_ to Earth. It was the first Starfleet vessel we encountered. And we were  
so impressed with her she may as well have been the Flagship!"

Kirk chuckled "So you find Starfleet vessels impressive do you? So do I." He paused. "The first time I saw my last ship all I said was,  
'Wow.'"

"That's what went through our minds," L'Naym smiled. "Nlian ships tend to be small; the freighter we were on had a crew of 12.  
The _Horizon_ had a crew of 45 and carried 300 passengers. But when we got to Starbase there was another ship there; the _Republic._  
Someone told us that it had a crew of 500! We'd seen pictures of large ships of course, but to see one in person is another matter  
entirely. We were staring at it, amazed at how big it was until someone told us that it was a _medium_ sized ship that leaned toward  
the small side!

Alyen chuckled. "Then when we got to Spacedock there were two other starships there that were even bigger! One of them was  
a _Newton_ class, the U.S.S. _Raman. _When they told us that it had a crew of over 800 people I think my jaw hit the floor! That's bigger  
then some of the towns in the area where I grew up! Every Federation starship is a literal city in space!"

"Except for the _Saratoga,_" Kirk said with a grin. "This little baby carries a whopping 100!" In mock seriousness he asked. "Would you  
rather be assigned to a bigger ship? I could probably arrange it."

"No, Captain," L'Naym said quickly. "If we were assigned here, then this is where we're meant to be and every member of the caravan  
is vital. Besides I _like _this ship; it has personality. I felt it from the moment I first saw it."

"I prefer to be on smaller ships," Alyen said. "With a smaller ship you get the chance to know everyone. With a big ship it's easy to get  
lost in the crowd. If you're going to be in space it's better to be with friends than strangers."

Kirk nodded. "You're right. It is." _I thought that the crew of the Enterprise were friends but they turned out to be strangers._

As the evening wore on the three of them talked of other topics, including the Hymer Gas Cloud, which both Nlians were fascinated with.  
Kirk found himself touched by the often childlike wonder the couple displayed.

"I've always believed that one is never too old to think the world is as mysterious and wonderful as you thought when you were a child,"  
L'Nayn said.

They also told Kirk a bit about Nlia itself. L'Naym had come from the vast Southern Continent, which was mostly desert.

"I'm a Child of the Sands. My ancestors roamed the great deserts and now I'm roaming among the stars."

Alyen, on the other hand, had come from the tiny Northern continent, which was covered with thick forests.

"I'm a Child of the Forests, yet I heard the stars call."

"I grew up in Iowa. So I suppose that makes me a Child of the Cornfields," Kirk joked. Then he grew thoughtful. "But out here…  
this is where I belong."

Later Alyen brought out a pipe and played a tune while L'Naym sang in a beautiful, lilting voice. "In gratitude for a good meal and good  
company," she explained.

Kirk was surprised how quickly time seemed to pass. And how good it felt to not be a Captain, but just…Jim.

Finally, though, he stood up. "Well, guys, this was really great, but I've got to get going. I've got a ton of work to do tomorrow. "

"Wait, Captain. Before you go, there's one last thing," Alyen went over to a counter and picked up a small box which he handed to Kirk.  
"When one gains a new leader it's customary to present them with a gift. If you had refused our invitation we would have given this to  
you yesterday in your Ready Room."

Surprised, Kirk took the box offered him and opened it. Inside was a large silver pin, finely crafted into the shape of the _Saratoga._  
It filled the palm of his hand, and the silver was cool and sleek to the touch.

He felt his throat close and he swallowed. "It's…beautiful," he finally managed. "Thank you."

"When we learned that we were going to be assigned to the _Saratoga_ we had it specially crafted," Alyen said softly. "As a Gift of Esteem  
for our new Commanding Officer."


	17. Security Chief

_1/4/2259_  
_Ready Room_

"You wanted to see me, Captain?"

Kirk looked up at the tall woman and beckoned her inside. "Commander Hatcher. Come in. Have a seat."

Security Chief, Lieutenant Commander Clarice Hatcher entered and sat down in front of him. She was in  
her mid 30's and a handsome woman even through the right side of her face was deeply scarred and she  
had only one eye.

Kirk had heard a lot about her- stern, reserved, as humorless as a Vulcan, didn't suffer fools and even  
Gavor didn't talk back to her if she was angry. Often harsh but never unfair and everyone respected her.

He had read her background, as had everyone on the _Saratoga._ Born on a tiny homestead at the edge  
of Federation space, her home had been attacked by raiders when she was only eleven. Her family was  
murdered, she was captured and endured over two years of repeated beatings and rapes, losing one  
of her eyes in the process.

When he had first read her file the one thought that had kept going through his mind was: _She knows  
what it's like to be violated._

"I was hoping to ask for your input," he began.

"My input, sir?"

Kirk nodded. Since his dinner with Alyen and L'Nayn, thoughts had been going constantly through his mind  
about many things.

"I know I'm new to the Chair," he began. "And I know I'm young. An advantage of my former posting was  
that nobody really noticed that I was young because practically everyone else there was young too.  
That isn't the case here; most of the crew is older than me and those who _are_ my age are either junior  
officers or crewmen and most of them joined Starfleet before I did."

He paused. "I never expected to get thrown into the Captaincy so quickly; if Nero hadn't shown up I'd either  
be an Ensign or at best a Lieutenant. And I _certainly_ never expected to go from one ship to another so  
quickly either." He sighed. "But it happened and here I am. So what I wanted to ask you, Commander...  
is how is the crew handling it?"

"Do you mind if I speak frankly, Captain?"

"Not at all."

"Good, because that's the only way I speak and I've never felt that one should need permission to speak  
the truth. Quickly is an understatement. No one has ever been promoted to Captain as quickly as you.  
But no one has ever done what you've done before either. You saved the world. Literally. Everyone  
on this ship knows what you've done and everyone here respects you for it. You've more than earned  
a command."

"And how does the crew feel about me in _this_ command?" he asked. "_Delphis_ class ships are science vessels  
and scientists are usually whom they've put in command of them. I know that when Martell stepped down  
all of you were expecting someone like him- a scientist through and through, a man who by his own admission  
was happier in the lab than on the bridge. Instead you wound up with me." He gave a slight rueful smile.  
"I'm a lot of things but a scientist isn't one of them."

"You're an explorer," Hatcher said firmly. "And science is about exploration. You're a brilliant tactician.  
Space is often dangerous and even a science vessel needs someone in command who knows what they're  
doing. As I said, Captain, everyone here respects you. We're a Starfleet crew and you've proven yourself  
a Starfleet Captain. We'll follow wherever you lead."

As Kirk looked into his Chief of Security's single eye he saw stern reserve, but also respect and understanding.

"Thank you, Commander," he said quietly.


	18. A Conversation over Lunch

_1/5/2259_  
_Mess Hall_

"Mind if I join you?" Kirk asked as he approached the couple in the midst of enjoying their lunch.

Upon seeing him, both Nlians started to get up from their seats. "Captain," Alyen began.

"As you were," Kirk smiled as he sat down across from them. "I thought I'd check up on you, guys. How are you  
both settling in so far?"

"Wonderful," L'Naym smiled. "We've made a lot of new friends."

"What a coincidence, so have I."

That was true. After only a few days onboard Kirk felt that he was well on his way to bonding with his senior staff.

Hard working Thelin always seemed to be everywhere at once and Kirk sensed that if there was ever trouble there  
was no better person to have at your back. Surprisingly his new First Officer also shared his interest in pool.  
In fact, the Andorian had trounced him the first time they'd played and Kirk was determined to even the score  
that very evening.

Steady, maternal Filars had earned two nicknames in his heart; 'Mother Hen' on good days and 'Mother Bear'  
if she sensed that something was bothering him.

Although Hatcher was intimidating there was no doubt that she was completely dedicated to the safety of the crew.  
And he appreciated beyond words her silent understanding of him.

Arex was generally a being of few words but always willing to lend a listening ear. He also had a subtle sense of humor  
and yesterday he'd entertained the Captain with some slight-of-hand tricks. (Made especially interesting due to the fact  
that he had three arms.)

Akari was a no nonsense perfectionist but at the same time he possessed a subtle charm and 'honor and 'respect'  
were his middle names.

M'Ress, like most Caitians, was mild mannered and cooperative and Kirk greatly appreciated her warmth and tact.

He'd spoken to Senior Chief Petty Officer Laurence Tolliver a few times and already viewed him as an inspiration.  
He had served onboard the _Saratoga_ for fifteen years and was the undisputed master of her internal systems.  
But most of all he understood pain in a way deeper than Kirk. Years before he'd lost his wife and three children  
in an auto accident. But despite the tragedy, which aged him prematurely, he persevered and years later adopted  
a street orphan, the now ten year old Kevin Park.

_Would I have had his strength?_ Kirk had wondered.

Chief Petty Officer Badrak Omar, from Morocco, was another of the ship's 'Elders' as he liked to refer to them.  
He assisted in both Security and Personnel and was known for his steady measured personality and intuitive thinking.  
He was a man of few words but many regarded him as a sort of father confessor because he kept all confidences  
and when he spoke he always gave sound advice, often in the form of a story.

He had only spoken to the Head of Ship's Resources, Chief Petty Officer Silvia Mayberry, once but she'd made a  
definite impression. She was a gracious capable woman with a ready smile and a huge amount of common sense.

"This _is_ a friendly ship," Kirk continued. "And as you said, Crewman- if one's going to be out in space it's better  
to be surrounded by friends than strangers."

He looked at the Nlians with a more serious expression. "There's something that I wanted to ask you both.  
You guys both had Starfleet training. I looked at your records; you're both very bright and graduated with high scores.  
Did you ever consider going the whole route? Try to apply to the Academy? Become officers?"

L'Naym nodded. "We thought about it. We'd often watch cadets, many of them younger than us, and wonder what  
it would be like to be one of them. And when we watched the drills and parades we'd wonder what it would be like to  
be officers. So, yes, we definitely thought about it. But…"

"But you didn't do it?"

"No," Alyen answered. "Part of it was eagerness. We were both twenty two; we had just graduated from the House  
of Learning, completed the Rite of Adulthood and were newly lifemated. We were eager to begin our lives in earnest.  
We wanted to be out there seeing other stars, other worlds. We didn't want to spend four more years behind a desk."

L'Naym put in. "Another reason was that we're both lifemates. Right now it's only the two of us, but four years from  
now who can say? We knew that when we started a family we'd almost certainly be assigned to station or planetary  
duty. So if we wanted to travel to the stars now was the time to try to do it. "

Alyen's expression was thoughtful. "But the biggest reason was that to be an officer requires a certain amount  
of…toughness. An officer is a leader; every leader needs to be made of steel and even the kindest ones on occasion,  
have to be harsh."

He gave a slight chuckle. "As anyone who knows me can tell you…I don't have a harsh cell in my body. Give me a task  
and I'll do my best to see it done. But telling others what to do and making them do it, or disciplining those who don't  
live up to their responsibilities…I don't think that's in me."

L'Naym nodded."I felt the same way. When I told one of my cousins that I wanted to join Starfleet he laughed and said  
that I was far too sweet natured to be an officer. He meant it as a joke, but he was right. I _am_ sweet natured and being  
an officer is not a sweet job. By nature I'm a friend and a leader can't always be a friend. I love working with people,  
but I have no desire to command them. I don't need to lead, I'm content to follow."

"You wouldn't have had to go into Command," Kirk pointed out."You could have stuck with Science and Medical."

"Even someone in Science or Medical can still wind up in command," L'Naym answered. "Look at Commander Thelin.  
I've only spoken to him once but I could tell that although he's Chief Science Officer he's not your First Officer for nothing.  
He may speak with a soft tone but he has a core of iron. He may be wrapped in velvet but beneath it is a strong blade  
and one had best not try foolishness around him."

Kirk chuckled. "Very true." He thought briefly of another First Officer on another ship in another lifetime.

He shoved the thought aside.

"Speaking of leading and following. There's something I've been meaning say to you both." He leaned forward,  
all seriousness now. "When you guys made your Pledges to me. That…really meant a lot. I wanted to thank you."

"It was our honor Captain," Alyen said quietly.

"No. It was _my_ honor. And there's something else. It's the real reason I wanted to speak to you both just now.  
There's something that I'd appreciate your input on."


	19. Input

"Any help we can give is yours, Captain," Alyen said. "But shouldn't you ask your Senior staff?  
We're just enlisted Crewmen and we've only been on this ship for a few days."

Kirk grinned. "So have I. And I'm having talks with my Senior staff as well. But enlisted or not,  
you're still a part of this crew and your input is as important as anyone else's."

"What did you need to ask?"

"Since I first accepted command of the _Saratoga_, I've been doing a lot of thinking. About command,  
the responsibilities of a Captain to his crew and vice versa and a whole lot of other things. What I wanted  
to ask both of you was…" He took a deep breath, "What do you think it takes to make a good Captain?"

The Nlians looked surprised for a moment, then thoughtful.

L'Naym answered first. "A lot of different traits are needed and they blend like the metals used to make  
a good blade."

"There are a lot of metaphors that I can think of," Alyen put in."A Captain needs to be like a Terahan.  
They're equine-like creatures, about the size of a horse. They're omnivorous, they usually eat only plants,  
but any predator that attacks one is likely to find itself eaten. They're very fierce and very, very cunning.  
The strongest, bravest and smartest is the one who leads the herd: the Alpha.

"When I was nine, there was a herd not far from where I lived and Rangers often take school children  
to see them. We loved it. My sister was always talking about how she wanted to be strong, smart and  
brave like an Alpha.

"But there was something else. One day we saw a terahan foal that had wandered from the herd being  
attacked by a predator. The Alpha rushed to protect the foal and fought off the predator even though it  
was much larger than him. Later my sister talked about how brave the Alpha was and how good a fighter  
he was. But I saw something else…the Alpha wasn't fighting to protect himself, he was fighting to protect  
his herd. And not even his whole herd, but a single foal. If necessary he would have died to protect that  
one foal.

Alyen paused for a moment. "It takes strength, courage and cunning to be a leader. But it also takes  
dedication and being willing to die to protect your herd. Whether it be for the entire herd or for a single  
member."

Kirk thought that the Nlian in front of him would have made one hell of a teacher.

"And there's something even more important," Alyen continued; "The most important trait of all.  
To be a good leader requires wisdom. Centuries ago the Northern Lands suffered from a drought that  
lasted for several years. During that time our people tightened their belts and knew hunger, but they  
didn't know starvation. That was a tribute to the wisdom of Chieftess Telvia. She organized the other  
Chieftains and put together the Great Food Management. It was because of her wisdom that the people  
of the Northern Lands didn't starve. They were saved not with strength and cunning but with wisdom."

L'Naym had been nodding as well. "A Chieftain is responsible for everyone in his group. He not only  
protects them, he guides them. Through burning heat, endless sands and desert storms. Any mistake  
he makes could cost the lives of everyone in his group."

She looked into Kirk's eyes. "It takes a brave, cunning and resourceful leader to protect his people  
from danger. But it takes a _wise _leader to protect them from hunger and to keep them from losing  
their way."

"Wow," Kirk said admiringly. "Maybe one of you guys should be Captain. You definitely respect the chair."

Both Nlians laughed at that. "Us? Captains?" Alyen chuckled. "I don't think so. A Captain needs to be  
a fierce, cunning Terahan. The two of us are gentle Himlas."

"Himlas?" Kirk asked

"They're deer-like creatures about the size of cats and very gentle and shy. But even though they're  
the complete opposite of Terahans they can always be found near them. They stay near a herd and  
are gradually accepted into it. They do this because they know that an Alpha is very watchful and will  
always protect his herd." Alyen's face grew solemn. "We're honored to be part of your herd, Captain."

Kirk's face grew solemn too. "And I'm honored to have both of you as part of it." He paused.  
"Could you tell me more about that Pledge you gave me?"

L'Naym answered. "The Chieftain Pledge started thousands of years ago in the Southern Lands.  
The Children of the Sands knew that being a Chieftain was not only a great privilege but a great  
burden as well. By giving their Chieftain their Pledge they showed that they were aware of the burdens  
they faced. And that not only did they trust them, but they would do whatever they could to make  
their burdens lighter."

"How was it usually done?"

"It was in two phases, the Public and the Private. The Public was done by the entire tribe.  
The new Chieftain would stand in front of the assembled tribe and recite the Pledge. Then the tribe  
in unison would then recite their part back. Then there would be a feast.

"The Private Pledge was often considered the _real_ Pledge. Families or individuals would invite their new  
Chieftain to their tent,as we invited you. He or she would then give the individual the Pledge. And if the  
individual accepted him or her as their Chieftain they would recite the Pledge back. Then they would  
share a meal in celebration. When you gave a Chieftain the Private Pledge you were affirming that not  
only was he the _tribe's_ Chieftain, but _your_ Chieftain as well."

Kirk's eyes widened and once again he felt his throat tighten as he realized just what the young couple  
had given him. "Again I'm honored," he managed softly. He solemnly looked both Nlians in the eyes.  
"And I promise you both this; I will never betray your trust."

"Nor we yours, Captain," L'Naym's voice was just as solemn. "Nor we yours."


	20. Breakfast with Bones

_1/7/2259_  
_Mess Hall_

"Come _on_, Bones. Aren't you in the _least_ bit curious to see it close up?"

The _Saratoga_ had spent the past four days studying the massive Hymer Cloud and everyone was enthusiastic about their  
findings, especially the away teams. (Kirk had already been on two of them.)

"I can see it just fine from here," McCoy said, motioning to the Mess Hall windows.

"We're going to be leaving in a few days. You'll miss your chance."

"I need to stay with my patients in sickbay."

"Uh, Bones, there _aren't_ any patients in sickbay."

"Forget it, Jim."

Kirk shook his head. Getting Bones interested in going on an away mission was like trying to teach a fish to tap dance on  
dry land. He was bad enough on surface missions, but shuttles…

"You know, Bones, I sometimes wonder why you ever came out into the black at all."

McCoy looked at him. "I joined Starfleet because I didn't have anywhere else to go at the time." His next words were quiet.  
"As for why I'm out here now…you know the answer to that, Jim."

Kirk grew solemn as he looked into his old friend's eyes. "Yeah, Bones I do." Over the past year countless things had changed,  
but some things had stayed the same and he thanked whatever higher power existed for it.

The quiet mood was broken as Kirk heard a pleasant humming and looked up.

"Good morning, Captain," L'Naym said with a bright smile as she approached their table.

Kirk returned the smile. "Crewman L'Naym. This _is_ a small ship. We keep bumping into other."

She nodded. "I help in the galley, remember?" She placed a small flower filled vase on the table. "May I brighten your table?"

"Decorating the tables, too?"

"Decorations help to bring cheer. And I've always found that food tastes better if it's eaten with a smile."

"You hear that, Bones?" Kirk smirked

McCoy gave one of his trademark scowls.

L'Naym had turned to the doctor. "Good morning to you too, Doctor. My lifemate speaks very highly of you."

"Oh, he does, does he?"

"Yes. He says you're a brilliant man."

"Man, he's really trying to cozy up."

"Not at all, Doctor." The Nlian's face was serious now. "When my lifemate compliments someone he means it. If he says you're  
brilliant it's because he thinks you are and no other reason."

"In other words, watch what you say about him, Bones," Kirk chided, half teasing half serious. "Especially in front of his Misses!"

"Fine!" McCoy snapped before turning to L'Naym. "I didn't mean any offense," he muttered to her before returning to his meal.

Kirk turned to the Nlian. "Don't mind him, he's always like that. But there's no better doctor."

Her smile had returned. "I know. That's exactly what my lifemate said." She turned to go. "Enjoy your breakfast, Captain.  
You too, Doctor."

Kirk turned back to McCoy. "Well _you_ can stay holed up in Medbay if you like, Bones. I'm heading back out tomorrow."

McCoy gave him an annoyed look. "You've been on two away-missions already!"

"And each one only lasted a few hours. I'm putting together a longer one." He smiled. "And I've got special plans for it."


	21. Mission Briefing

_Ship's Lounge  
12:45 P.M._

_Delphis_ class ships were small vessels with few amenities but the Lounge was one of the few of which they boasted.  
With the largest windows on the ship and a spectacular view of space, it was used for formal functions, as a place  
where off duty crewmembers could relax in a quiet setting, or, as was the case of the two occupying it now, for having  
a private lesson.

"The analytical aspects of the algorithm are fourfold." Petty Officer Steve Bower from Operations was friendly, good  
humored and always willing to lend a helping hand. So when one of the _Saratoga's _newest crewmembers had come  
to him asking for some assistance, he'd been more than happy to oblige.

Alyen stared down at his PADD, brow furrowed in concentration. "Unfortunately, when it comes to this sort of analyzing,  
I seem to have a threefold brain."

Bower chuckled. "You just need to break it down. Think of it as four smaller algorithms."

"Planning on switching to Operations, Crewman?" came another amused voice.

Both men looked up to see Captain Kirk standing in the doorway. "As you where," he said before either of them could  
get up. Sitting across from them he nodded to Bower and then addressed Alyen. "Dr. McCoy hasn't scared you away  
from sickbayI hope?"

Alyen smiled. "No, sir. It's just that my technical skills aren't quite as good as I'd like. I've been trying to improve them  
and I didn't want to bother Dr. McCoy. Nurse Belzoni said that Mr. Bower was a good person to ask for pointers and he's  
been kind enough to give me some lessons during our breaks."

"Glad to hear it. Because where we're headed you're going to need plenty of tech skills." Kirk handed the visibly surprised  
Nlian a PADD. "You and I, and a few other crewmen, are going on an away-mission. Report to the Briefing Room at 1500  
hours."

As he stood to leave, he addressed Bowers. "I understand you're very good with the sensors, Mr. Bower. Be sure to give  
him plenty of pointers."

* * *

_Briefing Room  
3:00 pm_

Kirk smiled at the three crewmembers who sat before him; Crewmen Vruel Kissi from Operations, Eeko Nsay from  
Engineering and Tuskaro Alyen from Medical.

"We've already run several away-missions," he began. "But this cloud is big and there're still a few areas that we haven't  
checked yet. So..." he grinned, "tomorrow the four of us are going to take the _Waverider _out for a 48-hour look-see.  
We'll be maintaining one quarter impulse. I'll be piloting."

He turned to Kissi. "Ms. Kissi, you'll be running an ongoing sensor sweep."

The amber-eyed Yarole grinned and nodded, her thick blond curls bouncing from the movement.

Kirk turned to Nsay. "Ms. N'say you'll help analyze and interpret the data. I've heard that you're good with mathematics  
so that should be fun."

The purple skinned Tonorin nodded, her antenna quivering eagerly.

Kirk then turned to the Nlian. "And Mr. Alyen you'll be checking for signs of life and, in the event that we run into any  
problems, patching up our sorry hides."

Alyen nodded solemnly.

"You'll have the rest of the evening to familiarize yourselves with the mission. We leave tomorrow at 0700 hours."


	22. Departure

_1/8/2259_  
_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters  
6:40 A.M_

"Don't worry, Beloved," L'Naym said softly as she helped her lifemate with his flight suit.  
"You'll be back before you know it."

"I know," Alyen responded.

"Captains usually go on away-missions with officers. Captain Kirk has given you and those  
other crewmen a great honor."

"I know."

"You're going on a real away-mission. This is what we both dreamed of all our lives.  
What we spent a year training for."

"I know."

"You'll be studying that beautiful cloud up close- think of how incredible that will be.  
You'll be so caught up in the excitement of exploration that you won't have time to miss me."

Abruptly Alyen embraced his lifemate tightly. "Beloved, I miss you when you're gone from  
my side only for a moment."

She returned his embrace just as tightly. "And I you, my Beloved," she whispered back.  
"And I you."

* * *

_Waverider Launch Site  
7:00 AM_

"The _Waverider_ is fueled and flight ready Captain," Filars informed as she came up the ladder.  
"Enjoy your excursion."

At just over 20 meters in length, the vessel was small enough to be carried by the _Saratoga_  
but large enough to be useful for long range travel. Unlike ordinary shuttlecraft it didn't enter  
the ship's shuttle bays; instead, it was inserted into a recessed port in the underside of the ship's  
saucer, just aft of the sensor array. Access to it was provided by a hatchway.

Kirk nodded. "Thank you Commander. Is my crew ready?"

"Kissi and N'say are already on board." She looked over his shoulder. "And I think I see your third  
crewmember coming now."

Kirk turned and saw the two Nlians slowly approaching, hand in hand. Kirk gave the young medic  
an encouraging smile. "Well, Crewman, ready to take a close look at that cloud?"

Alyen nodded. "Yes, Captain." He managed a tiny attempt at a smile. "I _am_ excited about it.  
This will be my very first away-mission."

But from their lingering looks and tightly held hands, Kirk could tell right away that the couple  
were finding this parting to be difficult.

L'Naym stepped up to her lifemate and embraced him tightly. "Hurry back to me, Beloved,"  
she whispered. "This ship will be very lonely for me with you not on it."

He held her close and nuzzled her cheek. "As my life has little joy when you're not sharing it with me,"  
he whispered back.

He stepped back, gave her a half-smile and a nod, then turned toward the waiting hatch.

L'Naym watched him go then met Kirk's eyes. "Take care of my lifemate, Captain," she said  
without a trace of her normal cheerfulness.

Kirk nodded solemnly. "Your lives I will defend," he said simply.

She nodded back. "And what you ask we will give." Without another word she turned and walked away.

Filars gave Kirk a questioning look. "What was that about, Captain?"

"I'll explain when we get back."


	23. Away Mission

_Waverider Shuttle  
12:41 pm_

"I'm going to one quarter impulse," Kirk said as he worked the controls.

"Should I start the sensor sweep now, Captain?" Kissi asked, pointed ears perked up with excitement. She had been  
the most enthusiastic member of the away team from the start and had mentioned that she thought of sensor sweeps  
as a hunt for treasure.

Kirk gave her a grin. "Go ahead and start digging, Crewman. We want to go home with a treasure chest full of data."

The Yarole nodded eagerly as she set to work, giving a low purr of satisfaction.

_'Anybody for lunch?'_ Alyen called over the intercom.

"Are you volunteering to be the waiter, Mr. Alyen?" Kirk asked.

_"Yes, sir."_

"I'll help. I should stretch my legs a bit." He turned to Kissi. "What would you like, Ms. Kissi?"

"I'll have some Ormel Pasta," she responded even as her hands moved busily over the controls at her station. Kirk turned  
to his other crewman. "And what would you like, Ms. Nsay?"

"I require very little food, Captain," the Tonorin responded, eyes still glued to her station. During the hours they'd spent  
traveling Kirk had come to learn that she was not only good with mathematics, she _lived_ for it. "A cup of Klinto tea will  
suffice."

"One plate of Ormel pasta and one cup of Klinto tea, coming right up."

Kirk got up and made his way to the large aft section of the _Waverider_. He found Alyen standing beside the food synthesizer,  
punching some controls.

"Crewman?"

"Captain," Alyen replied, able to tell from the Captain's quiet voice that he wanted to talk about something other than lunch.

"How are you holding up? You've been quiet since we left."

From the time the _Waverider_ had set out the young Nlian had diligently worked at his post, but Kirk had been able to tell  
from his demeanor that he had a lot on his mind. And while the rest of the away team had chattered among themselves  
he had remained silent.

"I'm alright, sir."

"Are you sure?" Kirk pressed. The events of last year had trained him well in noticing if someone was upset and especially  
of the importance of listening to them if they were.

Alyen sighed. "You probably think I'm spoiled since we're only going to be away for two days. But this is the first time that  
Shylea and I have been apart since we lifemated."

He gave the Captain a rueful look. "You'd think that it wouldn't bother us. We both grew up on separate continents- me  
in the Northern Land and she in the Southern. Even when we realized that we were each other's other half we continued  
to live apart for two more years until we underwent the Rite of Adulthood. We spent most of our lives apart."

"It's different once you're married," Kirk said quietly.

"I know. After we lifemated we enlisted in the Starfleet Training Program right away. All during the year that we trained  
we trained together. We took different courses but we saw each other every night."

He sighed again. "I suppose we should consider this training. At the Academy we talked to several lifemated officers and  
they all said the same thing: it's common for Starfleet couples to be separated. There's no guarantee they'll be assigned  
to the same ship or even be in the same quadrant. And even those who _are _in the same location are regularly sent on  
different assignments, sometimes for weeks or months.

"Nlian lifemates are given special consideration because they're telepathically bonded; Starfleet takes special pains to make  
sure that they're assigned together. But even they endure separations. There's a couple that we met who are assigned to  
Spacedock; one of them works at docking control and the other is part of a repair team that works on different installations  
throughout the system. Even though they're both assigned to the same Starbase they're often apart. And I'm upset over  
two days. Foolish isn't it?"

"Not at all, Crewman," Kirk said quietly. "It's always rough the first time a couple's separated. And you said it yourself,  
you're both telepathically bonded. Of course it would be a little harder for you at first. But it'll get easier." He gave a slight  
grin. "In the meantime, if you get too homesick there's always the escape pod."

Alyen gave a slight chuckle, "Don't worry, Captain. It's not going to come to that."

"I hope not, Crewman," Kirk said seriously. "Because this mini-crew is counting on their medic to be here in case we run into  
any trouble."

"You can count on me, sir," Alyen said just as seriously.

Kirk's smile returned. "I know."

He was about to say something else when Kissi's voice came over the intercom.

_'Captain! You need to get back up here now!'_


	24. Discovery

_1/9/2259_  
_Waverider Shuttle_

"I know you told your lifemate that without her your life had little joy," Kirk said softly to Alyen. "But I hope that you can find  
room for a little awe."

The two of them had hurried back to the front of the _Waverider_ to find Kissi excitedly pointing out unusual energy readings.  
Upon returning to his station, Alyen had detected bio-energy readings. Something was rapidly approaching them. Something  
very small but alive.

Within minutes swarms of dozens of sparkling lights were streaming by the Waverider. Each one a few feet in diameter, similarly  
shaped to a starfish and sparkling with light and energy.

Cautiously they had followed the swarms further into the cloud where they had discovered thousands of the lifeforms. All of them  
swirling and dancing like fireflies in a meadow.

It was stunningly beautiful and all of them had stared wide eyed at the sight.

"Crewman," Kirk murmured to Kissi, "I think we have just found one huge treasure chest."

She swallowed and nodded, amber eyes as wide as saucers.

They concluded that the lifeforms were cosmozoan; a small spaceborne species that spent their entire lives in the vacuum of space.  
The Gas Cloud was apparently their home. They wondered why the Saratoga's sensors hadn't picked them up and upon further study  
discovered that the lifeforms emitted an electric signature that matched the cloud closely. One had to be very close to detect them.

"Commander Falno was right," Kirk murmured as N'say busily made adjustments to their sensors to better detect the lifeforms.

"Sir?" she inquired.

Kirk smiled. "This is what happens when you take a closer look."

"_This_ is why I joined Starfleet, guys, " he whispered to the Mini-Crew. When they all looked at him in question he said, "It wasn't  
for interstellar politics. It wasn't to fight battles with crazy people from the future."

He looked out the window at the lifeforms. "It was for _this."_


	25. A Star to Steer Her By

1/18/2259  
_The Lounge_

Captain Kirk sat in the Lounge, staring out into the endless expanse of space. He'd quickly claimed this room as his favorite spot  
and would use any excuse to come here. It was a good place to relax, think and put things in perspective.

It was definitely a good place to unwind after an exhausting session with his Helmsman. Akari, he'd quickly discovered, not  
only had deep pride in his Samurai heritage but was a master of the katana that had been passed down through his family  
for generations. An easy camaraderie had formed between them and Kirk had asked him to teach him how to spar. He was  
grateful that his Helmsman had a seemingly limitless supply of patience.

"Captain?"

Kirk looked up from his musings to see Alyen standing in the doorway. He gave him a friendly smile and beckoned him.  
"Alyen. Come on over and take a load off. I haven't seen you since we got back from our little excursion."

Alyen gave one of his shy smiles as he sat down. "I know. Things have been very hectic."

"That's for sure."

After the _Waverider_ had discovered what Kirk had dubbed the Hymer Fireflies, they'd hurried back to the _Saratoga _with their  
data. What had originally been intended as a week-long survey of the Cloud had been rapidly extended into a two week study  
of the lifeforms. Kirk had been caught up in the excitement too and it had only been at the insistence of his mother hens,  
(and occasional mother bears) Bones and Filars, that he'd started to take some time off.

"I've been _hearing_ a lot about you, though," Alyen continued with a grin. "Dr. McCoy's been complaining, very loudly at times.  
He says all you've been doing lately, even when you're off duty, is work."

Kirk snickered. "Bones is always getting in a knot about something."

"_Have_ you been taking any time off?" Alyen asked wryly. "It won't do the crew any good to have an overworked, Captain."

"Don't you start on me too!" Kirk chided. "Don't worry, I'm taking some breaks and I've been hitting the gym more. Lieutenant  
Akari's teaching me some sword moves."

"_That's_ supposed to be relaxing?"

"Different people different tastes, Crewman," Kirk said with a sly grin.

"Captain," Alyen continued, "the reason that I wanted to see you was..." He paused, "I wanted to thank you for taking me on  
that away mission. I missed Shylea, of course, but it was...incredible being out there."

Kirk nodded. "You're welcome."

Alyen continued. "And thank you…for listening."

Kirk nodded again, all seriousness now. "Do you remember what Shylea said a few days ago when we were talking about leadership?  
She said that people gave Chieftains their Pledges partially because they understood their burdens and wanted to do whatever they  
could to make them lighter."

He leaned forward and looked into Alyen's eyes. "Well it's a two-way street, Crewman. A Chieftain, or a Captain in my case, needs  
to do whatever he can to make his _crews'_ burdens lighter. And besides," he frowned, "I've learned the hard and painful way how  
important it is to listen to someone who's hurting. A lot of damage can be caused if you don't."

"Like what happened to you on the_ Enterprise_." The Nlian flinched and lowered his eyes. "I…I'm sorry, Captain. I didn't…"

"Don't apologize," Kirk responded calmly. "And you're right; _exactly _like what happened to me on the _Enterprise." _

He softened. "You don't need to be afraid to speak your mind around me, Tuskaro. I don't need people to walk on egg shells around  
me and I don't need a crew of 'yes' men.' His smile returned. "I need a crew who will speak their minds and keep me on my toes."

"I don't know if I'll be much good at keeping you on your toes, Captain." Alyen's voice was quiet but earnest. "But if you ever need  
to talk to someone or just want to share a meal, Shylea and I are here."

Kirk's smile grew wider. "I just might take you up on that, Crewman."

The two of them sat together for awhile in companionable silence, simply gazing at the stellar view.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Kirk said quietly.

"Yes," The Nlian was silent for a moment before continuing. "Out here one realizes just how small they are."

"Well, I'm feeling very small right now."

"That's good. Shylea's grandmother once said that a Chieftain must always be aware of how much vaster the desert is than him."

"Is that along the lines of it's better to be wise than cunning?" Kirk said with a grin.

"Yes. In order to be wise one has to have humility. One has to realize that there're things larger than them. And for someone  
who's responsible for the lives of others, that's even more important."

Kirk nodded thoughtfully.

"I've always loved the stars," Alyen continued. "When I was a child I would think of space as an ocean and would imagine swimming  
among them."

Kirk smiled "And now you're on a ship sailing among them. Just like me." He was silent for several more moments before he said softly.  
"All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by."


	26. A Call from Home

_1/21/2259_  
_Saratoga Bridge_

The bridge, indeed the entire ship, hummed with activity. Today the _Saratoga _would be leaving the Hymer Cloud and heading  
to its next assignment and everyone was busy with last minute preparations.

Stellar Sciences, in particular Commander Falno, was sad to leave the beautiful cloud they'd spent nearly three weeks studying,  
but their next assignment was an extended planetary research mission and many were looking forward to, as one ensign had  
said, "Breathing fresh air and having a real sky over our heads.'

Kirk was standing besides Thelin going over data when his Chief of Communications alerted him.

"Captain," M'Ress said, "We are receiving a transmission from Starfleet headquarters. A video message from Admiral Pike.  
He's requesting a private channel."

"Patch it through to my Ready Room," Kirk replied as he headed for the entry way.

Upon entering his private office, as he liked to think of it, Kirk turned on the comm. "Admiral Pike." He smiled broadly at  
the older man.

"Captain Kirk," Pike replied in acknowledgment. "It's good to see you. How have you been?"

"We've been pretty busy out here, Chris."

"I know. You've gotten a lot of scientists back home interested in that new lifeform you discovered. But, Jim…" Pike leaned  
forward his expression serious. "How are_ you_ doing?"

Kirk took a breath, "Things are getting better, Chris." He spent the next several minutes telling the Admiral about his ship,  
his crew and how he had made meaningful bonds with several of them. "Things are definitely getting better," he finished softly.

"I'm glad to hear that, Jim," Pike said just as softly. Then he sighed. "Checking up on you wasn't the only reason that I called.  
Starfleet has a mission that they'd like you to consider. But it's up to you if you want to go. I would have asked you sooner  
but I wanted to see how you were handling being back out first."

"What kind of mission?" Kirk asked.

"A diplomatic one. The, anniversary, for lack of a better word, of the destruction of Vulcan is in a couple of weeks.  
The Vulcans will be holding a memorial service and they specifically requested your presence, in honor of your heroics."

Kirk was silent. He knew what Pike wasn't saying. For an important event like this, there would be several dignitaries  
and representatives. And who better to represent the Federation than the Flagship?

The _U.S.S Enterprise_.

Kirk struggled to contain his shudder. Wounds didn't need to be physical to be devastating and the pain from his old wound  
swept through him afresh.

As fresh as it had been during that fateful night when it had first been inflicted.

As fresh as it had been during the hellish aftermath when the ones who should have helped ease it had instead made it worse.

If he were to see the _Enterprise_ or its crew again...

But this wasn't about him. He was a Starfleet Captain and he knew his responsibilities.

He took a deep breath. "This is an important event, Chris. Of course I'll be attending."

"Then that means that the _Enterprise_ won't be," Pike said firmly.

When Kirk looked up in surprise, Pike continued "If you had decided not to go then the _Enterprise _would have represented  
the Federation. But since you are going that honor will fall to the _Saratoga."_


	27. Concert

1/21/2259  
_Mess Hall_

_Delphis_ class Mess Halls had many functions. In addition to serving as dining room and lounge for the crew they were  
also used for gatherings, receptions or, as was the case this particular evening, for holding a concert.

Kirk sat beside Bones in the _Saratoga's_ mess. One of the last things he'd needed to do before the end of his shift was  
oversee their departure from the Hymer Cloud. Now their small ship was warping toward its next assignment and would  
arrive in two days. He planned to spend the time until then unwinding.

Although his body was still, his mind was anything but. His thoughts kept returning to what could have been a near  
encounter with the _Enterprise._ Although he hoped fervently never to see his former ship or its crew again, deep down  
he knew that despite all efforts, it might only be a matter of time before their paths crossed.

Just the _thought_ of that sent spikes through him.

He tried to shove thoughts of the future aside and focus on the here and now. Filars had told him that the_ Saratoga  
_had regular social events for the crew. He planned, schedule permitting, to attend every one of them. And he was NOT  
going to let memories of the _Enterprise_ ruin his first!

He looked around the Mess Hall and took in the many faces. Already he recognized several of them. Before he had  
reveled in being in command of a vessel with a crew of over 1100. But he'd discovered that less could definitely be more.  
With a smaller crew he had a chance to learn every face and know every name. He was determined to not only to _know  
about_ his crew, but to _know_ each of them as well.

_If you're going to be in deep space it's better to be surrounded by friends than strangers._

_Like the Enterprise crew turned out to be._

The first performance was a guitar solo from Crewman Shannon Rivers from Communications. From what Kirk had heard  
she had a huge zest for life and a quirky sense of humor.

_Maybe I'll hang out with her whenever I need a laugh._

As she played he found himself thinking of his old home, Riverside. He had often visited the Shipyard Bar and there had  
always been bands playing. In fact there had been quite a few renditions in electric guitar his last night there.

_The night that I met Uhura and got an epic beating from several cadets, led by Hendorff_. _Not the last time I'd get beaten  
down by someone from the Enterprise_.

Next up was Crewman Q'Pol from Engineering. As the Algolian played a long rendition on chimes, Kirk thought over  
what he knew of him. From what he'd heard he did things slowly and carefully but at the same time was very innovative.  
He was good with computer programming and the one most frequently in charge of the Transporter.

_Well, since our next mission will be planet based, I'll guess I'll soon get the chance to see him in action. His music's pretty  
soothing too_. _Maybe I'll listen to him play the next time I get stressed from thinking about the past_.

Third up was Lieutenant Junior grade, Teva P'lal who, aside from Thelin, was the only other Andorian on board. Her family  
had been members of the Andorian Imperial Guard for generations but she had chosen a career in Starfleet instead. She  
was a perfect fit for Security but due to her tactical skills was considering switching to Command.

Like most Andorians she was intense and aggressive, but at the same time she had a cunning sense of humor and smiled  
often. Kirk had often seen her in the gym and knew that she was fiercely competitive and considered exercise combat  
training. She greatly admired Hatcher and Akari, with whom she often sparred, had a strong sense of honor and was fiercely  
loyal.

_Unlike some I could mention._

As she began to play her Andorian_ flabbjellah_, which was a combination musical instrument and weapon, Kirk was reminded  
that in addition to warrior skills, Andorians also excelled in the arts.

He'd been surprised to learn that she always attended the _Saratoga's_ functions even if she wasn't performing herself.  
Andorians were a serious, hardworking people and had a strong cultural taboo against frivolity or any activity that might  
be a waste of time. Because of that they tended to avoid most social and recreational gatherings. Thelin, he'd learned,  
enjoyed pool not so much for the fun but because it developed strategy and hand eye coordination.

_But then again maybe she just enjoys being with the crew. This is friendly ship._

Next up were Alyen and L'Naym. Alyen played a lively tune on his pipe while L'Naym sang in her lovely voice.

_A friendly ship with people who are truly friends._

The final performers were Chief Petty Officer Sean Edwards from Engineering and fifteen year old Natahsa Holster.

Edwards was another of the _Saratoga's_ 'Elders': having served on her since she was built, and with Martell on the _Tripoli_  
before that. At ninety years he was still fit and spry and a skilled technician. He was also a brilliant musician with both  
the violin and alto recorder. For centuries his native Wales had been referred to as the 'Land of Song' and he had carried  
on that tradition.

He was longtime mentor to fifteen year old Natasha, daughter of Petty Officers Maria Holster from Security and Brandon  
Holster from Engineering. A tall slender girl of both Afro-Puerto Rican, African American and Cherokee descent she  
was shy, modest and very self effecting. She lived for music in any and all forms and, according to all who knew her,  
had a tremendous gift. And from what Kirk had gathered from her shy glances and blushes every time she saw him,  
she'd developed a huge crush on him as well.

Natasha and Edwards performed a duet of the Welsh song "The Ash Grove": Edwards on the fiddle and Natasha on the flute.  
Kirk found himself humming internally.

_I've never been interested in classical or folk music before. But this ship has already taught me a lot._

As the final notes faded and everyone stood to clap, Bones leaned over to him. "Not bad. But if anyone ever tries to hold a  
performance in my medbay there'll be hell to pay."

"As far as I'm concerned, Bones, this crew can 'perform' anywhere they like," Kirk said quietly. "Because every performance  
they've given so far has been great."


	28. Mychar

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.1.23_

_The Saratoga has arrived at Mychar, a Class M planet that orbits an A-Type blue star. The first time I saw it I thought that  
it should have been called Planet Red; not because it's anything like Mars, but because, in contrast to Earth, all of the plantlife  
here is red. _

_The Saratoga will be joining a team of several scientists who've already been here for a couple of weeks. Our job will be to assist  
them in cataloging and studying any and everything of interest about this planet._

_I find myself looking forward to it._

_James. T. Kirk_

* * *

_Red._

Once again that was the impression that Kirk got as he and Thelin beamed down. Miles of red stretching in every direction  
as far as the eye could see, broken here and there by rocky outcroppings and by the small dwellings that the research team  
had constructed.

"Captain Kirk!" Dr. Eileen McAllister, the commander of the team strode up. "You're late. We were expecting you two weeks ago."

He grinned. "We got a bit tied up at the Hymer Cloud."

She smiled. "I know. We heard about the lifeform you discovered. Well, don't worry, there're plenty of other discoveries to make.  
We've got a whole planet to study."

She led them further into the encampment and showed them the maps that her team had put together so far.

Most of the planet was covered with open plains of plants that resembled sea anemones and ranged from a foot to several meters  
high. Near the coasts were several rocky outcroppings and mesas. At the equator were scattered forests.

McAllister's team planned to stay for nine months, which had been calculated to be the planet's orbital rotationperiod, and had set  
up a base camp near the northern coast. They were periodically supplied by the _U.S.S. Shawmut, _which was currently patrolling  
the sector. They were beginning their studies close to camp and planned to range further afield each week. The _Saratoga_ would be  
assisting them for a month.

_A month_ Kirk thought. _There was a time when I was usually somewhere different each week. Discover the place, take a quick look  
around for a day or so and then leave. Now I'm doing some _real_ work._

He smiled internally_. If nothing else a break from the black will make Bones happy._


	29. Ready to Go

_Saratoga Botany Labs_

"You're awfully fidgety," Lieutenant Sarah Richards noted with amusement.

L'Naym looked up, eyes bright. She'd been in a state of near jubilation from the moment she'd been told that she would be a member  
of one of the teams that the _Saratoga_ was sending to the surface. After the briefing she'd practically run back to the labs to begin  
sorting and packing the equipment she would need.

"Nervous?" the _Saratoga's_ plant ecologist asked. "If you are don't worry; there'll be several people in our team." She nodded toward  
the security officer with them. "And if anything goes wrong we'll have Lorn here to protect us."

Lieutenant Mothaya Lorn gave a brusque nod. "And I take my duties very seriously."

L'Naym nodded. "I know." From what she'd heard, the female Draylaxian was confident and determined with a fiercely protective streak.

"It's not that I'm worried," she went on. "It's just that…this is going to be the second world I've visited. When Tuskaro and I came  
to Earth it was the first time we'd left our home. During our training we were so focused on our studies that we hardly ever left the  
Academy grounds. This will be the first time that…"

"The first time that you'll really get to explore an alien world." Richards nodded with understanding. "No wonder you're so excited."

"_And_ nervous," L'Naym admitted. "I want to do well."

Richards gave her a reassuring smile. "You'll do fine." She leaned closer. "I'll let you in on a secret; I'm excited too. There's nothing  
like seeing a new planet for the first time."

L'Naym gave a merry chuckle. "And don't forget all of the new plantlife that we'll see!"

Richards laughed as well. "That too." Her love of nature equaled L'Naym's and the two women had struck up a firm friendship.

As she resumed collecting and rechecking her equipment, L'Naym silently reviewed the details of the mission briefing.

Every day McAllister's group and the _Saratoga_ would send out five combined teams made up of both scientists and security. Some  
would go by foot, others would take ground transports or shuttles. Each would head in a different direction and focus on a different  
area.

Today Captain Kirk and Commander Thelin would be part of a shuttle team that would be running surveys of the planet's atmosphere.  
(And if she knew anything about the Captain it would also be making one or more broad sweeps of the whole planet.)

A team of geologists would be taking a shuttle to the northern mesas. A team of oceanographers and marine biologists were heading  
for the coast. A team of zoologists and naturalists would be taking a ground transport westward where herds of grazing animals had  
been seen.

L'Naym smiled in anticipation. She would be part of the fifth team: a group of botanists and ecologists that would make its way south  
on foot, imaging, collecting and cataloging plant-life.

Her lifemate would also be going to the surface, although he'd be staying at the base camp. He would be working with Dr. McCoy, whose  
task was to go over the biomedical data that McAllister's group had put together and be ready to head out in case any of the teams ran  
into trouble.

L'Naym chuckled internally. From what she'd heard about the doctor she was certain that remaining at camp and going over data was  
exactly the sort of away mission he preferred.


	30. Bad News

**Author's Note  
**To all of my followers.  
Sorry for the delay between chapters. I'm posting as fast as I'm able but a lot's going on in my life now. I'm living  
with someone with Alzheimer's, my dad being sick for 2 weeks and had to go to the hospital, plus he's making plans  
to sell the house. And on top of that I'm going out of town for the weekend and travel is always stressful.

With all of that my muse is pretty fried. I have an outline and I know what I want to convey but I'm having trouble getting  
it on paper. And I've always seemed better at writing drabbles then stories. So if a chapter's short its because that's the best  
I can do right now.

* * *

_1/26/259_  
_Saratoga Waverider_

Kirk carefully piloted the _Waverider_. Today the shuttle teams were doing various studies of the planet's weather and it had  
been decided they would conduct them in each atmospheric layer. Kirk had jokingly called it the Layer Net.

At the lowest level, McAllister had sent two shuttles to monitor a large storm that had developed over one of the oceans  
and would also be doing sweeps of the upper troposphere.

Thelin and Petty Officer Ktar, the _Saratoga's_ authority on atmospheric sciences, were at the highest level. They had taken  
the _High Tide _and were running sweeps in the planet's thermosphere and exosphere.

_And I get to be the Middleman,_ Kirk thought with amusement. He had taken the _Waverider_ and was now flying through  
the mesosphere, stratosphere and troposhoere. Crewman Melanie Winters from Engineering was running sensor sweeps.  
Kirk found her to be an observant, innovative woman with a wide streak of common sense. With them were two of the  
_Saratoga's_ civilian scientists; Meteorologist Danielle Matthews and Hydro-meteorologist, Nomar Tur.

Matthews was a confident and slightly temperamental woman who never shied from an argument. As for Tur, Kirk couldn't  
help but smile at the thought of him, anyone who was around the 2 ft. 6 inch Onavian for more than a few minutes would  
learn two very important things. Number 1: He had a sharp eye for the slightest detail. Number two: He was very imperious  
and wouldn't hesitate to peck anyone who tried to touch his tail feathers!

They even had a guest with them today, Matthews' daughter, Elizabeth. The twelve year old loved any and everything to do  
with flying and spent the time either looking out the windows at the view or coming to the cockpit to watch them work,  
although she never touched anything and remained quiet.

_I wouldn't have expected to have a kid with me while I was working_, Kirk thought. _Some changes are for the better._

He was jerked from his reverie by the sudden beeping on his comm. He frowned when he saw that it was from McCoy.

_Jim, you've got to get back to camp now. One of the teams was attacked._


	31. Aftermath

_1/26/2259_  
_Mychar Research Camp_

"You think that I was too hard on him, Captain?" Hatcher's voice was calm and measured.

Kirk had arrived at the research camp to find a grim McCoy and a solemn Alyen tending to Crewman Andr, the _Saratoga's_  
ornithologist. He had then been briefed on what had happened.

The large zoological team had followed a herd of grazing animals into a wooded area near a river. They had then split up  
into smaller groups and pairs. Since there was still a lot they didn't know about the planet, each of the groups had been  
instructed to remain within sight of each other at all times and those in Security knew that they were to be especially vigilant.

One of the pairs had been Andr, accompanied by Security officer, Ensign Eric Keller. Andr had spotted a brightly plumed  
avian and followed it. This had eventually led them out of sight of the others. Keller had noticed this but, adventurous  
and a bit overconfident, hadn't said anything.

They had followed the avian to its nest and Andr had been imaging it when, out of nowhere, a large felinoid predator  
had attacked them. Andr had been knocked down and gotten some bad gashes on her arm and back. Keller had frantically  
fired his phaser at the feline but had missed. It had been about to leap at him when Chief Petty Officer Oak had rushed  
up and shot it. He had noticed that the pair were out of sight of the group and, accompanied by Lieutenant Harris from  
Command, had headed off to search for them.

After learning what had happened, Kirk had found the young security officer standing in front of Hatcher while the rest  
of the _Saratoga _team silently watched from the sidelines. The Chief of Security's gaze would have paralyzed a Vulcan  
and the harsh words she leveled at Keller would have shredded steel. Kirk could practically see the blood flowing.

Later Hatcher had dismissed the visibly wilted crewman back to the ship after coldly informing him that he would not  
be allowed on any away missions for the next six months. She had also assigned him two weeks of double shifts and  
warned him that there would be increased security drills for the next two months and he could expect to be run ragged.

Now Kirk faced his Security Chief, not really sure how to react. There was no question that Keller had screwed up badly.  
But to humiliate him like that in front of everyone...

"I'm hard on mistakes because mistakes can be very costly," Hatcher said calmly. "You've read my background.  
You know why my face looks like this."

"Yes," Kirk said quietly.

"What you may not know is that it wasn't just because of a raid, but because of a mistake. The colony that I was born  
on was in a very remote area of Federation space and the settlers there had been aware of the possibility of raids.  
To protect against that they established parameter guards to alert settlements in the outlying areas of danger.  
But on the night that my home was attacked, the man on duty for that area had been drinking."

Kirk's eyes widened.

Hatcher continued. "When the raiders attacked he was passed out drunk. Because of that four homesteads had no warning.  
Nine people were killed, including my parents and my brother. And an eleven year old girl was enslaved. You were raped  
for _one night_, Captain. I was raped _every_ night for _two years_.

"That guard didn't mean any harm- he made a mistake. But that mistake was unimaginably costly. He did something careless  
and stupid and nine people died and a child went through a living hell as a result. Keller acted carelessly and a crewmember  
was injured as a result. The crew of your former ship acted out of ignorance and you suffered as a result. Even your First Officer,  
a Vulcan priding himself on his logic, failed you through a toxic combination of logic, ignorance and stupidity."

Hatcher's gaze was piercing. "Carelessness, ignorance and stupidity, Captain. The only thing worse than them is deliberate  
malice. And God only knows which causes more damage."

She paused "Years ago I swore that I would do everything in my power to keep what happened to me from happening  
to others." Her gaze hardened. "And I've also sworn that anyone on this ship, regardless of their department, who through  
neglect or foolishness gambles with the life of another crewmember will be treated as harshly as if they'd lost the wager."


	32. A Brief Parting

_Captain's Log  
2259.1.30_

_Today the Saratoga is briefly leaving Mychar to attend Memorial Services on New Vulcan. In the meantime we're leaving behind  
twenty crew members to assist in the continued study of the planet. _

_There is a telling difference between the Saratoga and my former command. On the Enterprise twenty absent crewmembers  
wouldn't even have been noticed. But on the Saratoga every missing face is felt keenly. _

_Especially by me. I know that I'm being foolish; it's routine to drop off crewman on other assignments. We'll only be gone a week,  
the planet has no hostiles and it's well within Federation territory. The teams are well supplied and armed and if they have any  
problems they can contact the U.S.S. Shawmut for help._

_But maybe I've grown more protective of the people under my command. They are __**my**__ crewmates. And if anything were to  
happen to them…_

_I guess my worrying means I'm a halfway decent Captain._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

"Sure you have everything, Commander?" Kirk had made it a point to give a personal send off to each crewmember who was  
staying behind.

Biochemist, Ricardo Belzoni, nodded. "_Si,_ Captain. I'm looking forward to studying this planet's forests. The potential medicinal  
discoveries from the fungi alone -"

"Ready to go on safari, Lieutenant?"

Zoologist Gloria Michaels nodded eagerly. "You know it, Captain."

"Eager to get started, Dr. Nelena?"

The elderly Rigelian nodded. "A new planet is a paradise for a geneticist, Captain."

"Be a little more careful from now on. OK, Crewman?"

Andr nodded quietly. "Do not worry, Captain. I want no repeats of what happened."

"I guess you'll have to last a few days without Dr. McCoy's personal attention. Nervous?"

"Very," Alyen answered. "Although I'm honored by the faith both of you have shown in me." A worried look came over him.  
"It's such a big responsibility, though. I know I'm not going to be the only medical personnel here, but before I always knew  
that Dr. McCoy would be here too. Now..."

"You'll do fine," Kirk said reassuringly. "Bones would never have recommended you stay if he didn't think that you could handle it."

He looked toward L'Naym. "You take care of him OK, Shylea? I don't want the _Saratoga _to lose its new medic on the first time out."

She smiled. "I will consider that an order, Captain." Then she grew serious. "Be safe. We don't want the _Saratoga _to lose its new  
_Captain_ on the first time out."

Alyen nodded solemnly. "Have a safe journey, Captain. And come back soon; you and the others will be missed while you're away."

Kirk nodded. "And all of you will be missed as well."

As he turned to leave he thought, _And I'll especially miss both of you._


	33. New Vulcan

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.2.2. _

_The Saratoga has arrived in orbit around New Vulcan and I am now preparing to beam down with my senior staff.  
The first part of the service will comprise of a few speeches, including my own, and then will be the Ceremony  
of Mourning and Remembrance which will last for two days. Both of which will be broadcast throughout the Federation._

_For the past couple of days I've found myself to be increasingly pensive. On this day, one year ago, an event  
of unimaginable tragedy occurred._

_James T. Kirk._

* * *

The senior staff of the _Saratoga_ had gathered in the transporter room, clothed in their dress uniforms. M'Ress was  
chatting with Arex, and Tolliver was speaking quietly to his adopted son, Kevin, who would be accompanying them  
when Kirk strode in.

"Is everyone ready?" he asked.

"We've been waiting on you," McCoy said wryly.

Kirk, Thelin, McCoy, Filars, Akari and Arex, stepped onto the transporter pad first. Kirk nodded to Q'Pol at the controls.  
"Energize."

The first thing Kirk realized about New Vulcan was that it was scorching hot. He could already feel sweat forming on his  
forehead.

"Are you going to be OK, Thelin?" he asked his First Officer as they waited for the rest of the crew. "I know this is a lot  
hotter than you're comfortable with."

"I'll be fine, Captain," the Andorian replied. "As long as I don't exert myself too much and hydrate regularly."

"Captain Kirk," said a familiar voice.

Kirk turned to see an elderly Vulcan approaching. "Ambassador Spock!" he said warmly, bowing his head slightly in greeting.

"It is good to see you again," the elder replied with equal warmth. "Come, I will show you to your seats."

The ceremony was outside in a vast courtyard. Spock seated him in the first row, facing the podium. "You are aware of how  
events will proceed?"

"Yeah, I've been briefed," Kirk answered. "A few elders and High Council members will speak first. Then I'll be announced  
and I'll go up and give my speech."

"Indeed," Spock replied. He glanced toward Thelin before continuing. "Rest assured that there will be plenty of water and other  
refreshments available for you and your crew." He gestured to the sides where several tables were set up with both glasses and  
vases full of water.

After nodding his thanks, Kirk took a seat. McCoy sat beside him. "Nervous?" the doctor asked.

"A bit," he admitted.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine."

Kirk turned his focus to the podium where several Vulcan elders were sitting. After a few minutes the ceremony began with an  
opening speech from an elderly woman, a historian as it turned out.

Following the first speech, the Vulcan orchestra played some music. There was a time Kirk would have thought it boring to tears,  
but after attending two _Saratoga_ concerts he had set himself the personal goal of trying to appreciate all forms of music. Now he  
found the music contemplative and sad. Fitting for the occasion.

A few more speeches were made, including one by Ambassador Spock. Then a Council member stood up. "Today we have with  
us Starfleet Captain James Tiberius Kirk, who were instrumental in the defeat of Nero. Because of his efforts countless others  
were spared our fate and for that he has our lasting gratitude. Captain Kirk, please come forward that we may acknowledge you."

Kirk stood as the crowd applauded lightly. Stepping onto the podium he looked out over the crowd and began to speak.  
"I am grateful and deeply honored to be here on this day."

He continued his speech, expressing the regret of himself, his crew, and the Federation over the tragedy that had befallen the  
Vulcan people, but also hope for the future of New Vulcan. The crowd listened silently and every time he glanced at Bones and  
the rest of his crew they smiled encouragingly at him. Hatcher seldom smiled but she gave him a nod.

"All of us here lost friends and loved ones but we can best honor them by stepping into the future with hope. Thank you again for  
allowing me to be here today." Holding up his hand in the Vulcan salute he declared. "Live long and prosper."

As the crowd applauded he returned to his seat. McCoy, patted him on the back. "You did great, Jim."


	34. Silent Tears

_2/2/2259  
New Vulcan  
The Canyon of Remembrance_

Kirk stood solemnly with his crew. After the speeches had concluded the crowds had assembled at a massive canyon.  
Now, as he watched, many Vulcans softly chanted a song of mourning, farewell and remembrance. Others walked to  
the edge of the canyon bearing small glowlights which represented a person lost in the tragedy and, when released,  
would float slowly upwards until they dissipated.

He watched as Tolliver, accompanied by his adopted son, walked to the canyon edge and recalled a conversation he'd  
had with Filars.

_"Greg Barton. He was First Officer before Thelin and Chief Navigator. The things he could do with computers…  
He was promoted and transferred to the U.S.S. Antares two years ago. He and Tolliver's son, Kevin were good friends.  
When Kevin first came to the Saratoga it was Greg who really helped him to open up."_

Now he sadly watched as the nine year old solemnly released a glowlight. _That kid's been through so much. First he loses  
his birth parents and then a friend. But then too many people lost someone that day._

The _Enterprise_ had lost its former CMO, Dr. Puri, as well as several of its medical staff. Not that anyone had had time  
to grieve. They had been frantically tending to the wounded, then trying to figure out how to rescue Pike and stop Nero.  
Then when they finally had limped home there had been debriefings, reporters and talking to devastated family members.

Too many devastated family members. Too many lives ended. Too many dreams shattered. Nine ships had been lost at  
Vulcan. Over 6000 people. It was the worst disaster Starfleet had endured and _everyone _had been affected. _Everyone  
_had lost classmates, teachers, friends and associates. He thought briefly of Gaila, Uhura's roommate and his latest girl friend.

And then of course there was Vulcan itself.

6 billion people, nearly an entire species, gone.

He could barely comprehend it. And as he listened to the chanting of the gathered Vulcans and watched countless glowlights  
silently ascending he felt something in him breaking.

_And it wasn't my planet that was destroyed_. He thought. _It wasn't my home that was lost. It wasn't my species that was  
nearly wiped out. As bad as I feel now, the Vulcans, for all of their logic and control, for all of their claiming that they have  
no emotions, are feeling far worse._

He thought of Elder Spock. Who perhaps had the hardest burden of all.

_"As he was helpless to save his planet, I would be helpless to save mine. Billions of lives lost. Because of me, Jim.  
Because I failed."_

_I'm sorry Spock,_ he thought to the elderly Vulcan. _I am so sorry._

Kirk closed his eyes and allowed silent tears to fall.

For Dr. Puri whom he had never met, but who had risen to become Chief Medical Officer of the Flagship.

For Greg Barton, whom he had never met, who had been First Officer on two different ships, but had still taken the time  
to befriend an orphaned child.

For Gaila with her vivacious personality and bright smile.

For so many of his classmates and teachers.

For countless friends, and family members both Vulcan and otherwise.

He wept for the billions of lives lost. He wept because they were gone and because there would never be time enough  
between now and the end of the universe to fully mourn all of them.

And he especially wept for the surviving Vulcans who had to live with the pain of such an unfathomable loss.

They wouldn't allow themselves the release of tears, so today he and others would cry for them.


	35. Getting One's Hands Dirty

2/7/2259  
_Mychar_

"No shuttle mission this time, Captain?" L'Naym asked brightly.

Kirk smiled as they walked toward the transporter bay. "Not today, Crewman. I love to fly and I love the Bridge, but there's  
nothing wrong with having your feet on the ground or getting your hands dirty." He glanced down at the digging supplies  
that he carried. "And I'll certainly be doing _that_ today."

The_ Saratoga_ had returned to Mychar the previous evening and Kirk had found himself eager to 'Get back in the harness,'  
as one of his Engineering crewman, liked to say. He'd decided to accompany one of the ground exploration teams today  
and had picked one that, once upon a time, would have been the last one that he'd have chosen- a plant gathering excursion.

The planetary survey teams had been steadily ranging further and further afield. The six member team he was part of today  
would be combing an area near some mesas by the southern coasts that had several groves of plants that reminded him  
of Earth cacti.

Lieutenant Commander Pablo Rodriguez was the _Saratoga's_ authority on horticulture and agrobiology . A quiet but powerful  
personality with a deep understanding of the workings of nature, he had discovered that certain roots of the cacti-like plants  
contributed vital nutrients to the soil and could theoretically have a restorative effect on the soils of other planets. So today  
he was going to the surface, along with Richards and L'Naym, to collect as many roots as possible for further study.

Lending a hand, as well as providing security, was Captain Kirk, Lieutenant Lorn and Crewman Ethan Wallace from Engineering.  
A skilled technician who was happiest when his hands were busy, Wallace had volunteered to help even though this was his  
off day. According to him, digging was good practice for a technician and having grown up in rural Pennsylvania he enjoyed  
spending time outdoors.

Upon arriving at one of the groves, the team set to work. It wasn't a comfortable job; the plants in question had spines  
which secreted a stinging venom and they had to wear thick gloves to protect their hands. Thankfully the type of roots they  
were looking for weren't very deep but they had to be careful about them as well. Rodriguez had insisted that they only collect  
roots from plants in their prime — leaving those that were very young or very old — and he also insisted that they couldn't just  
simply tear the roots out of the soil as that would damage them. So they each had to scan the plants to determine their age,  
locate just the right roots and then slowly dig them out.

It was tedious, but nobody complained about the work because they were all sharing it. Indeed there was an easy, unquestioning  
sense of all of them being helpmates. As he dug Kirk thought back to what Tolliver had said. '_Our ships are not flashy and their  
work is often unsung. But those who serve on them know their worth.' _

_And this is certainly unsung,_ he thought. _Kneeling in the dirt and digging up roots. I'm sure that's not what most people picture  
themselves doing when they join Starfleet. But if Rodriguez is right, this might help feed someone someday._

As the day wore on, the team members continued their gathering. The work was tedious and tiresome, but it wasn't without  
distractions. L'Naym often hummed or sang to herself as she worked and more than once the others tried their hand at a song  
as well. Kirk tried once, but the results left a lot to be desired in his opinion. L'Naym smiled and said that a song from the heart  
always had beauty regardless of what others' ears thought.

During lunch time they all sat together eating the food they had brought with them and taking time to admire the unique beauty  
of the surrounding groves. Richards joked that they were having an interstellar picnic. L'Naym sang more songs and Rodriguez  
said that she would have been highly sought at the festivals in his native Madrid.

When late afternoon came and the team beamed back to the _Saratoga_, everyone felt tired and sore but satisfied. As Kirk stepped  
down from the transporter pad he noticed Q'pol talking to Lieutenant Colin Harris, who served as Helmsman during Beta Shift.  
He wouldn't be on duty for another two hours but he'd always been an early riser. From the shuttle missions they'd been on  
together, Kirk knew him to be self-confident, but a bit arrogant.

"Welcome back, Captain," Harris said. Then he gave an amused smirk. "Coming back to the ship to do some _real _Captain's work?"

Kirk held up the bag of roots he'd spent the day digging up. "This _is_ real work, Lieutenant," he said seriously. "Real work that  
might help feed someone. Being a Captain isn't just flying through space or sitting on the Bridge and even giving orders.  
Sometimes it's kneeling in the dirt, rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty."

As the returned away team headed toward the tubolift to take their samples to the botanical labs, Kirk turned and once again  
addressed Harris. "It takes a strong, cunning and resourceful leader to protect his people from danger, Harris. But it takes  
a _wise_ leader to protect them from hunger and to keep them from losing their way. And it takes time, patience and hard work,  
even boring, tedious work, to be wise."


	36. Unwelcome News

_2/21/2259_  
_Saratoga Ready Room_

'How have you been, Jim?" Pike asked.

"Pretty busy, Chris," Kirk answered. And that was certainly true; since returning to Mychar, all departments of the _Saratoga  
_had focused diligently on the planet's study. There was a time when Kirk would never have thought that researching a planet  
could be so enriching, but he had found himself enjoying it.

Deep down he had always craved excitement. (It drove Bones crazy usually.) In the three weeks since returning from New Vulcan  
he'd made it a point to accompany a different survey/research team each day, even if only for a few hours. And by doing so he  
had gradually come to appreciate excitement of a different kind.

From accompanying zoological teams he had learned to feel excitement from watching herds of grazing animals racing across  
the plains or flocks of birds soaring through the sky. From accompanying ecological teams he had learned to feel excitement in  
noting the complexities of different ecosystems and in how each plant and animal contributed to it.

From accompanying geological teams he had learned to feel excitement in gazing at a mountain range. (Not to mention climbing it!)  
From accompanying oceanography teams he had learned to feel excitement from simply watching the tide come in and listening  
to the waves crashing against the shore. From accompanying atmospheric missions he had learned to feel excitement over seeing  
new cloud formations or how the sky looked when the sun rose or set.

And from the times when he was on board the _Saratoga_ he had learned to feel not only excitement but deep pride as he watched  
his crew going over the archives of data that they'd collected. Data which would be added to the collective knowledge of the  
Federation and affect who knew how many people in the future.

_"Big ships come in, discover the place and move on. We come in and take a closer look and in the process make a lot more discoveries."_

_"Our ships aren't flashy, and their work is often unsung. But those who serve on them know their worth."_

"We're finishing up here tomorrow and then we're heading to Tavios Prime to help with some geographical studies," Kirk continued.  
"We're anticipating being done there in about a week and then it's on to the Quia System." He smiled broadly. "I can't wait to see  
that system's gas giants!"

"I know," Pike's expression was solemn. "Jim, I know I promised you that you wouldn't have to worry about the _Enterprise _and that  
hasn't changed. But there is something that you should be aware of."

At the word _Enterprise_ the Kirk's smile had instantly died and now all expression left his face.

Pike paused. "You know that the Quia System is in the Rondin Sector." Upon seeing Kirk's nod, he sighed. "The _Enterprise _will be in  
the same sector although on the opposite end of it."

Kirk's face remained expressionless but his body tensed.

"The Rondin Sector is controlled by the Atellans," Pike continued. "You know that over the past couple of years political tensions have  
broken out among some of their factions. Ironically it's because of that that you'll be able to go to the Quia System. With internal  
pressures building, the central government decided to strengthen their external ties with the Federation and they agreed to allow a  
research vessel into their space. We decided to send the _Saratoga _because even though the Atellans have never been hostile toward  
the Federation their ships and weapons are very powerful and in the unlikely event that there _are_ any problems we thought it best to  
send someone with tactical experience.

"Recently things have gotten a bit more heated on Atell and a series of conferences are being held to try to smooth them out. Morrick  
has considerable diplomatic skills and, in addition, he's had dealings with the Atellans. Their Prime Minister specifically asked for him  
to be present to help monitor the situation and hopefully help keep things from getting too heated.

"He's scheduled to be at Atell on Stardate 3.2, so he'll be passing by the Quia System the day before that on 3.1. You're not scheduled  
to be there until 3.7 so the two of you will miss each other. He'll have passed by that system and gone by the time you get there, but I  
just wanted to give you the heads up."

Kirk nodded. "I understand Chris. It won't be a problem."

* * *

_Mess Hall_

"Come on, Jim," McCoy said, looking at Kirk with concern.

Since the message from Pike, Kirk had been quiet and since coming to Mess he had barely touched his lunch.

"You heard what Pike said," McCoy went on. "You're not going to have to deal with the _Enterprise_. They'll be long gone before we  
get to the Quia System."

Kirk's expression grew resolute. "I know, Bones. And I shouldn't let the fact that they'll be in the same sector bother me. It's not like  
I didn't know that something like this might happen sooner or later." He picked up his sandwich and took a large bite. "I am _not_ going  
to let the _Enterprise_ run my life, let alone ruin it. And as of right now I am not going to give it or its crew another thought."

He glanced out the window at Mychar. "I need to write some reports and I have to go over a few things with Thelin. Then I'm taking  
the _Waverider_ out for one more atmospheric survey."

"Jim wait. On this shuttle mission..." McCoy grimaced..."I'll go with you this time."

Kirk's eyes widened and his smile returned.

"You just make sure it's the _Waverider_ and not the _High Tide,_" McCoy warned. "That one's way too small, I'd throw up for sure."

Kirk chuckled. "Don't worry, Bones; you know the _Waverider's_ my baby." His expression grew mischievous. "And I promise no fancy flying.  
I won't do a single spin." His grin turned devious. "Maybe just _half_ a spin."

Ignoring the doctor's murderous scowl, he stood to grab one more drink.

As he headed toward the back of the room where the replicator was, he noticed two familiar looking crewman, whom he had, more and more,  
come to enjoy seeing. "Hey, Crewmen. Enjoying your lunch?"

Both Nlians looked up. "Captain," L'Naym said with her usual cheerful smile.

Kirk returned the smile. "So how did you two first timers enjoy your month-long excursion on Mychar?"

Alyen's voice was quiet but his eyes glowed. "It was wonderful, Captain. The chance to see and explore another world..." he paused.  
"It's why we joined Starfleet."

"Me too," Kirk said softly. He turned to L'Naym "I know _you_ had a ball. The couple times I saw you in the botany labs you looked like a little  
kid opening presents on Christmas!"

L'Naym chuckled. "I've always loved nature, Captain. Aside from my lifemate, tending plants is one of my greatest joys." She ruefully shook  
her head. "It was tiring at times but thrilling. When I was a child I never imagined that someday I'd help catalogue thousands of different types  
of plants, every single one of them red! I never knew that red had so many shades, textures or smells!"

"This_ was_ an interesting planet to visit." Kirk once again looked out the window at the blue and red orb of Mychar. "And I certainly learned a  
lot while I was there," he said softly.

He turned back to the Nlians. "Are you sorry to leave? McAllister's team's going to be staying here for another eight months. Would you like  
to transfer to her group permanently?"

The couple immediately shook their heads. "No, Captain," L'Naym said firmly. "Mychar was a wonderful place and we'll always be grateful for  
the time we spent there. But..." her luminous eyes sparkled, "there are many other worlds to see."

"That there are, Crewman," Kirk agreed. "That there are."

"And besides," Alyen put in with a smile. "We Pledged to _you_, not Dr. McAllister. It wouldn't say much of us if we turned our backs on you so  
soon after Pledging."

_Turned their backs._

Kirk's mind returned to the faces of another crew another lifetime ago.

He shoved the thought aside and forced a smile. "Well I'm glad that you're both sticking around then. "

"Don't worry, Captain," Alyen said with chuckle, "You're stuck with us for awhile."

"Glad to hear it, Crewman."


	37. Unwelcome Encounter

_Captain's log_  
_Stardate 2259.3.4._

_The Saratoga is currently performing stellar surveys in the Quia System. We completed our previous assignment  
on Tavios Prime sooner than anticipated so we're here earlier than planned. No problem, that just means we'll  
have more time to study this system's incredible gas giants! _

_Unusual gravitational fluctuations in the region brought the two largest planets: the ringed giants Anyavel and Yulia,  
into a very close orbit with each other and sharply tilted them on their axis. X marks the spot indeed! This incredible  
effect won't last long however, as the twin planets orbit each another their gravitational fields will eventually rip  
apart their rings. Calculations say that distortions will start to be noticeable within thirty years._

_We're very lucky to get this slim opportunity to see these worlds in their prime. The Atellans, who control this sector,  
are not enemies of the Federation but they're not bosom buddies either and they're very isolationist. Unless they  
specifically ask for assistance, which is rare, they've made it clear that Federation ships are to keep out. But apparently  
they weren't too adverse to a small research vessel. _

_So we're going to make the most of every minute!_

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

Captain Kirk sat at the center of the bridge, keenly aware of all the happenings around him. All of his life he had been  
a man of action, so he'd been surprised at how much quiet pleasure it gave him to simply sit back and watch his crew  
at work.

All personnel were performing their duties quietly and efficiently, but there was always the undercurrent of excitement.  
The Quia Giants were famous but very few outside of the Atellans had had the opportunity to see them first hand and even  
fewer close up. The _Saratoga, _was one of the rare exceptions to that rule and for a research vessel it was like discovering  
a massive treasure hoard. Best of all, the survey work they were doing now would share that treasure with countless others  
throughout the Federation.

Due to the _Saratoga's_ small size it wasn't necessary to have all bridge stations fully manned. Often only six people were  
on the bridge at once: CO, Helm, Navigation, Science, Operations and Communications. But while performing their surveys  
of the famous Quia Giants, it was, as Kirk had jokingly said, "All hands to research stations."

At the back of the room Tolliver sat at Operations Management making sure that the ship's internal functions were running  
smoothly. Beside him Flars stood at Engineering, one of the rare times when she was on the bridge instead of in the depths  
of the ship. For years the two officers had had a strong working relationship and were sometimes referred to as 'The Tandem.'

M'Ress sat at Communications translating the information data that streamed into the ship. Beside her Petty Officer Bower  
stood at Sensors conducting a series of scans. Master of the ship's sensors he had been dubbed the 'Eyes of the _Saratoga' _  
because his keen caught every detail.

Petty Officer Kwal went over the settings of Environmental. From speaking with him, Kirk knew that the Napean was blunt,  
to the point and took responsibility very seriously. No better person to have in charge of the ship's life support.

Petty Officer Tanya Shatner stood at Damage Control monitoring ship's systems and ready to direct repairs if any were needed.  
She was a woman of formidable intelligence with a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue.

Petty Officer Sona Oh'lo stood at Auxiliary. When Kirk thought about the elderly Kosite the words that always came to mind  
were 'Prim and Proper.' But she was also determined and steadfast and from what he'd heard, in times of trouble refused  
to give up or let anyone else give up either.

The ever observant Thelin monitored the Science station. In the three months they'd known each other Kirk had concluded  
that the Andorian's mind rivaled a Vulcan's in detail and efficiency. But at the same time he was much more flexible than  
his former First Officer and was capable of lightning fast improvisation if the situation demanded it. Kirk couldn't imagine  
running the _Saratoga _without him.

Beside Thelin, Chief Petty Officer Dennis Novak stood at Science II. He was mellow and easygoing with a quick smile and easy  
laugh and although over fifty, young at heart. Right now he wore a broad grin as he studied the planets' gravi-metrics readings.  
He had wanted to see the famous gas giants since he was a boy and being out here now was a dream come true. He'd been  
almost as excited as Falno, who'd been practically salivating at the chance to visit to this system.

Meanwhile Akari and Arex sat at Helm and Navigation working together to pilot the small vessel. Due to the region's unusual  
gravitation, visiting ships had to be piloted carefully so as not to be caught in a gravitational field or struck by stray objects  
which could come out of nowhere. Kirk had full confidence in both of them.

But then he had full confidence in all of his crew.

As he continued to observe the bridge, he gave a slight smile. It had been nearly a year since his life had been shot straight  
into Hell. Since that horrible night and the brutal aftermath he had slowly but surely begun to rebuild his life. And in the three  
months since assuming command of the _Saratoga_ he had begun to build strong bonds with his new crew.

And he reveled in an old bond as well. Bones still jabbed him with hyposprays and complained about everything under the sun,  
but he had to admit to himself that it was good some things stayed the same.

Yes things were definitely looking up.

"Captain," Akari interrupted his reverie. "Long range sensors are picking up a ship. It's one of ours." Abruptly a surprised look  
came over the Helmsman's face. He quickly schooled his features but when he looked back up at the Captain his dark eyes  
conveyed his concern. "Sir, it's the _Enterprise."_

The temperature on the bridge seemed to drop. All movement ceased and all eyes trained on the Captain.

After a moment Kirk's calm voice questioned. "Distance?"

Akari looked back at his screen. "Approximately two light years."

Kirk's brows furrowed. "They're scheduled for that conference on Atell. They were supposed to have passed by this system  
three days ago."

"They appear to have been unexpectedly delayed," Thelin remarked. As usual his voice was quiet and calm, but everyone  
could feel the concern behind it.

"Apparently." Kirk turned back to his Helmsman. "Are we within their sensor range yet?"

"Not yet, Captain; their sensors aren't as finely tuned as ours. We should be within their range in another ten minutes.

"What's their course?"

"They appear to be on their way to the Atell System."

Kirk looked over at his Communications Officer. "How long until they're out of communication range, Lieutenant?"

"Approximately thirty minutes, sir," M'Ress replied softly.

"Are they in any danger? Sending out distress signals?"

"No, sir. Everything appears normal. They're just passing through."

"Then there's no sense in not letting them go on about their business while we continue with ours," Kirk said firmly.

He turned toward his Chief Engineer. "Commander, the gravitational fluctuations in this system are causing our communication  
relays to act up. I believe that they'll be experiencing malfunction problems for the next forty minutes. Would you Tolliver  
look into it?"

Filars, whose face had been set in a worried frown from the moment Akari had said the word _Enterprise, _nodded. "Of course,  
Captain."

Kirk stood up and looked as his First Officer. "Commander you have the bridge. I'll be in my Ready Room, I've some reports  
that I need to catch up on. Unless there's an emergency I'm _not_ to be disturbed."

"Of course," Thelin replied quietly.

Without another word, Kirk headed for the exit as his crew watched him worriedly.

Upon entering his Ready Room, he took out his comm. After studying it for a few moments and considering he flipped it open.  
"Crewman Alyen."

_'Yes, Captain?'_ came the answer.

"I know that both you and Crewman L'Naym are on Alpha shift this week. I don't know what your plans were once you got  
off duty, but…" He paused then continued softly, "I'd like to take you up on that offer you made. Is it possible that the two  
of you could make room for me at dinner tonight?"

_"Of course, Captain. Our door is always open to you."_

"Thank you, Crewman," he whispered.


	38. Enterprise

_Captain's log_  
_Stardate 2259.3.4_

_The Enterprise is currently traveling to the Atell System where we will have the honor of assisting in an important conference.  
We experienced unexpected delay during our previous mission so we're trying to make up for lost time. _

_The conference began two days ago, but fortunately, whenever they hold meetings of great importance, Atellans spend  
the first three days purely on ceremonial greetings and rituals. I've been in contact with the Prime Minister and she's  
assured me that no harm has come from our tardiness, but the sooner we get there the better._

_That is something that I have every intention of doing. The Enterprise is one of the few Federation ships that have been  
allowed within the territory of the reclusive Atellans and if we're able to provide assistance to them during this troubled  
period it may be the key needed to improving ties with them in the future._

_On a minor note we'll be passing close by the Quia System so I know that Stellar Sciences will be busy going over the long  
range scans of that system's famous gas giants._

_Jason Morrick_

* * *

The _Enterprise_ bridge was functioning within near silence, all personnel performing their duties quietly and efficiently.  
In the months since assuming command Morrick had come to two conclusions. First: the _Enterprise _was the most  
magnificent ship in the Fleet. Second: its crew was the most brilliant.

And the most miserable.

The entire ship cast a pall of guilt and shame that he had been able to sense from the moment that he first came aboard.  
And it hadn't lessened in all the months since. Both on duty and off the crew was quiet and subdued and during shore leaves  
they kept to themselves, avoiding other crews.

Worse of all was the senior staff.

If the rest of the crew emanated guilt like a lantern, the senior staff broadcasted theirs like a solar flare. Their work was  
still exceptional but that was only to be expected; despite their miserable failure with Kirk, each of them still had the highest  
scores ever recorded by the Academy.

Commander Spock was without question the finest First Officer in the Fleet, not to mention its most brilliant Science Officer.

Lieutenant Commander Scott was without a doubt Starfleet's finest Engineer. He knew the Flagship's engines better  
than anyone alive and could repair anything with a roll of duct tape.

Lieutenant Sulu was unequaled as a Helmsman and could fly more efficiently than three pilots put together.

Lieutenant Uhura was unmatched in linguistics and could translate from over 90% of the languages in the Federation database.

Ensign Chekov was a true Wiz Kid. A genius virtuoso who could count computer variables faster than the computer itself.

And none of them took the slightest bit of joy in it. In fact, Morrick couldn't recall ever once seeing any of them smile.

"Captain," Sulu's voice interrupted his reverie. "I'm picking up a ship on our long range sensors." A surprised look came over  
his face. "It's the _Saratoga."_

The effect of Sulu's words was immediate- the entire bridge froze and for an instant one could have heard a pin drop.

"Distance?" Morrick's voice broke the silence.

"Approximately one point five light years. They're in the Quia System."

"They're studying the gas giants," Morrick said calmly. "The Atellans agreed to allow a research vessel into that system. It looks  
like they finished their previous mission earlier than planned; they weren't supposed to be here for another few days."

He looked over at Uhura, whose hands were moving quickly over her controls. "Lieutenant?"

"I…I was sending them a standard greeting hail, sir." Disappointment obvious in her voice she continued, "But their communication  
relays don't seem to be working."

"The Quia System experiences unusual gravitational fluctuations." Spock's voice was as calm and logical as ever, but everyone  
could sense the subtle tension. "Perhaps that is the reason." He paused, "Or perhaps not."

"Either way they're busy," Morrick said firmly. "The Atellans only gave them a limited amount time to study that system. They have  
a lot of work to do and little time to do it and I see no reason to distract them."

He turned to Sulu. "Continue course, Helm. We have a conference to get to and we're already late."

"Aye, Captain," a pale faced Sulu whispered before glancing over at Chekov.

The young Navigator's eyes were filled with crushing disappointment and his chin was trembling.


	39. Worried Crewmen

_Saratoga Botany Labs_

L'Naym looked up from the microscope to answer her beeping comm.

_"Beloved, it's me,"_ came a worried sounding voice.

She frowned in concern, her lifemate almost never called her while they were on duty. "Lifemate? What is it?"

_"The Captain just called me. I don't know what's happened but I could tell by his voice that he was upset.  
He'll be joining us for evening meal tonight so be sure to prepare something special."_

Her frown deepened. "Of course. Everyone's been so busy going over the data from the gas giants that there  
hasn't been much for a botanist to do. I shouldn't have any problem getting off a little early."

_"Thank you, Beloved. I'll see you tonight."_

* * *

_Medbay_

"Dr. McCoy?"

McCoy looked up from the report he was working on to see a worried looking Nlian medic peeking into his office.  
"What is it?" he grumbled.

"It's the Captain, sir," Alyen said quietly. "He called me just now to ask if Shylea and I could have him over tonight.  
I don't know what's happened but I could tell that he was upset. _Very_ upset. You should speak to him, sir."

McCoy looked at the Nlian for a moment then pulled out his Comm. "Jim?"

_"Bones,"_ came a quiet reply.

"I've got a worried medic down here who thinks that there's something up with you. What happened?"

There was a long pause.

_"The Enterprise just flew by."_

McCoy cursed loudly. "Are you in your Ready Room now, Jim? I'm coming up there right now."

Without waiting for a reply he got up and strode out of the medbay, leaving Alyen worriedly gazing after him.

* * *

_Saratoga Bridge_

On the bridge all personnel continued to quietly go about their duties. Their work was as professional as before  
but the excitement was gone, vanished in the _Enterprise's_ wake. Not all that was left was worry and concern and  
every so often one of the crew would cast a worried glance in the direction that the Captain had gone.

When Akari had quietly informed Thelin that the _Enterprise_ had moved out of range the mood of the bridge had  
been a silent, _Finally. _But the damage was clearly done as the empty Command chair attested.

M'Ress's golden eyes were filled with worry. Arex wore an expression of sad thoughtfulness. Akari piloted as skillfully  
as before but the stiff tension in him was obvious. Filars was practically vibrating concern and frequently traded  
worried glances with Tolliver. Thelin went about his duties as efficiently as before, but his concern was apparent.  
Shatner's expression was a combination of worry for their Captain and anger at the_ Enterprise_ for bringing about this  
entire situation. Even Novak's joy over a lifetime's dream fulfilled had faded.

When the turbolift opened to reveal Dr. McCoy every eye turned in his direction and there was a silent collective sigh  
of relief at the sight of their Captain's best friend.

As the grim faced doctor strode determinedly toward the Ready Room, Thelin watched silently. The Captain had said  
that he wasn't to be disturbed but the Andorian knew that this was a situation that definitely called for improvisation.  
And besides the doctor was clearly in mother bear mode.

* * *

_Captain's Ready Room_

An anxious Dr. McCoy entered the Ready Room to find the lights dimmed and Captain Kirk sitting in his chair, staring  
out the window and looking as dejected as he had been in the days following the rape.

"Jim?" he said softly.

"I thought I could handle it, Bones," Kirk whispered in a broken voice. "I thought I could handle it."

Wordlessly McCoy went over to him and held him as he quietly wept.


	40. A Beginning

_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters_

"Captain," Alyen greeted as he opened the door. "Please come in."

L'Naym was standing at the table and nodded. "Once again, welcome to our home, Captain. Consider it your  
home as well."

"Thank you," Kirk said quietly as he stepped over the threshold.

After the disastrous encounter with the _Enterprise_ he'd spent the rest of the shift in his Ready Room talking  
to Bones. When Beta shift began he'd told the doctor that he had an appointment to keep but that they'd talk  
more later. He had then made his way toward the Nlians' quarters. Along the way he'd noticed the concerned  
looks that many gave him. Word about the _Enterprise, _had definitely gotten around and more than once  
a crewmember quietly asked him if he was alright.

_They're worried about me._ _They care_. That thought had warmed him.

Kirk seated himself. "Thanks for having me. I know this was short notice."

"Don't think anything of it, Captain," Alyen said firmly as he sat down as well. "As I told you earlier,  
our door is always open to you."

"Both our door and our hearts," L'Naym said as she handed him a bowl of steaming soup.

"Thank you," Kirk said gratefully as he took the bowl, "That…means a lot." He smiled as he smelled the contents.  
"And _this_ smells great."

L'Naym smiled back. "It's Kormeen soup, a great favorite on Nlia and served for special occasions.  
I thought that you might like it."

"I'm sure I will." Kirk winked at her. "You once said that food tastes better if it's served and eaten with a smile.  
Well, your cooking can make _anyone_ smile."

L'Naym blushed flattered.

After that the meal progressed relatively quietly. Kirk occasionally commented on how great the food was  
but for the most part simply ate. The lifemates knew that their Captain had a lot on his mind so they waited  
for him to set the pace and to talk when he was ready.

Finally Kirk put his spoon down. "I guess you guys both know what happened today," he said quietly.

"I heard some of the crew talking," L'Naym said.

Alyen nodded solemnly. "I was there when Dr. McCoy called you."

Kirk looked him in the eyes. "Bones said you were the one who told him something was up. Thank you."

"You sounded upset and I had a feeling that you needed to talk to a friend. I know that you two are  
very close."

"Close doesn't even begin to describe it." Kirk's eyes grew tender. "Bones practically stitched me back  
together last year. If he hadn't been there for me I don't know what I would have done."

He paused, his expression thoughtful. "But when the _Enterprise_ flew by…I didn't call him right away.  
Part of it was shock. A big part of it was that I thought I could handle it on my own. And maybe…maybe  
a tiny part of me even associated him with what happened."

He solemnly looked at the lifemates. "I think I called you guys because I wanted to be around someone  
who wasn't involved with what happened. Plus, from the day we first met I've always felt comfortable  
around you both."

"We're honored that we've earned your trust, Captain," L'Naym said softly.

"We're off duty, Shylea. Please call me Jim."

Both Nlians' eyes widened slightly. "Are you sure, Captain?" Alyen asked. "We're not officers."

Kirk gave a rueful grin "I've never been much for protocol." His face grew solemn again. "Do you remember  
when you said that it's better to be in space with friends? That's what you both are to me. You're more  
than just crewmen- I consider you both my friends as well."

His grin returned. "And I think that friends should be on a first name basis when they're off duty."

"And we consider you our friend as well. Jim." Alyen said softly.

Kirk was silent for awhile. "The _Enterprise_ showing up…I always knew that something like that might happen."  
He frowned thoughtfully. "No. I always knew that that sooner or later it _would_ happen. Deep down I _knew_ that  
it was only a matter of time until we crossed paths again. I thought that I could handle it but when it finally  
happened it threw me completely around the bend." He frowned. "I still can't believe that I let it throw me  
like that."

"Jim, what happened on the_ Enterprise _hurt you terribly," Alyen whispered. "And seeing it again brought back  
bad memories. It's not surprising you reacted the way you did and you shouldn't feel any shame about it."

"You sound like Filars." Kirk grinned. "She _definitely_ wants to talk to me. I'm surprised she didn't pounce  
on me before I got here." His smile turned affectionate. "She's my mother hen and occasionally my mother bear."

"I think I've heard those terms," Alyen said. "Do they mean that she's affectionate and protective towards  
you like a mother?"

"Yep. And she definitely gives me a lot of both." His eyes grew thoughtful and a bit sad. "It's a nice change  
from what I'm used to."

"I take it that you didn't get a lot of motherly affection growing up?" L'Naym asked softly.

"Not really. When my mother looked at me all she saw was a painful reminder of the husband she'd lost."  
He trailed off in silence. "Nero screwed my life up before I was even born. I grew up without a father and  
lived in his shadow. People were always talking about the heroic George Kirk, the man who was Captain for  
twelve minutes and saved 800 lives. To me he was an absence, someone who wasn't there. And every time  
my mother looked at me all she saw was that absence. All she saw was what she'd lost."

"You and I have something in common, Jim." It was L'Naym's turn to look sad and thoughtful. "We both  
grew up without a parent. Although in my case, it was my mother; she died when I was barely a week old.  
But my father was always there for me. I reminded him of her but in a way that brought him joy." Her eyes  
warmed with memory. "He often told me that I was her greatest gift to him-the most precious part of her  
that she could have left behind." Her eyes met his. "I'm sorry that your mother didn't feel that way about  
you. But I'm sure that she did love you in her own way."

"She did," Kirk said sadly. "She was just…adrift in her own pain. She never recovered from losing my father;  
she spent the rest of her life grieving, in denial and unable to move on. Her youngest son, who was being born  
even as her husband was being killed, only made her feel worse. I think that's why she was always away while  
I was growing up. I was just too painful for her to deal with so she avoided it by avoiding me."

"So what happened on the _Enterprise_…It wasn't the first time that you were abandoned," Alyen stated quietly.

"No, it wasn't. In addition to a dead father and a mother who preferred not to look at me, I also had a brother  
who ran away from home when I was eleven and left me behind." He sighed. "It seems for most of my life  
I've been alone."

"Jim, you're not alone," L'Naym whispered. "You have Dr. McCoy. And everyone on the _Saratoga _cares about you.  
Talk to them and you'll find that out."

Kirk was quiet for awhile. "I guess…I have trouble…"

"Trusting?" Alyen asked.

"I trust the crew with my life but…"

"Not with your pain?"

Kirk was quiet again. "I guess I've always been guarded. For most of my life I was Tough Guy Kirk. Then I was  
cocky Cadet Kirk and finally I was Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk, the Hero who saved Earth. Captain Kirk, the youngest  
Captain in Starfleet. Captain Kirk, who everyone was in awe of. That's what most people saw and that's what  
I let most people see."

He paused. "But it wasn't Captain Kirk that was hurt last year. It was _Jim _who was hurt_._ And many of the people  
who tried to help couldn't really because all they knew, all they saw, was Captain Kirk. Bones and Admiral Pike  
are two of the few that have seen Jim." He looked both Nlians in the eyes. "Them and both of you."

His expression grew more solemn even as a slight smile appeared. "The first time that I met you guys  
at Starfleet HQ something about the two of you struck me. "You made me feel welcome, but it was more  
than that. Later when I came aboard the _Saratoga_ and I saw you again I realized what it was.

He leaned forward and his expression grew more earnest. "You _saw me_. You saw _all_ of me. You saw Captain Kirk;  
you saw him, you respected him, you even Pledged to him. But from the moment that you met me you also saw_ Jim_.  
And I think from that moment on I knew that when I was around you I could just be…Jim."

Both Nlians were silent although their eyes spoke volumes. Then L'Naym met her lifemate's gaze for a moment  
and took his hand before once again meeting the Captain's eyes. "And from the moment we met you, Jim we both  
felt a connection to you. It was why we invited you to our home that first time. We had a feeling that you might  
accept."

"Do you remember that talk we had about leaders?," Alyen asked quietly. "Being a leader is a great privilege  
but it's also a great burden and its lonely. That's something that Shylea and I have always noticed- being a leader  
can be very lonely. Even the Captain's Chair is separate from everyone else's, because he or she is separate.  
I think that's another reason why we invited you…you seemed lonely and you looked like you could use a friend. "

He paused then continued his words quiet but earnest. "Jim…I don't know if there's much that two enlisted  
crewmen can do to make a Captain's burdens lighter. But if we can help you feel a little less alone, we'll do  
our best. And if there's ever anything we _can_ do to make your burdens a little lighter, we'll do our best with  
that too."

Both Nlians silently reached a hand out to their Captain. And just as silently he took them.

* * *

_Stardate: 7/12/2265 _  
_Dr. Leonard McCoy's Memoirs_

_It had started from the moment they met, but that was when it became official; they were a threesome  
from then on._

_It wasn't romantic- as far as __**that**__ went Alyen and L'Naym only had eyes for each other. And Jim, never once  
thought of L'Naym as anything but a friend. But as friendships go the three of them couldn't have been tighter._

_The Captain and the Crewmen. Who would have thought it? But that's what exactly what formed- a triad,  
a strong, vibrant braid; Jim's cocky but brilliant head, L'Naym's cheerful heart and Alyen's gentle soul._

_I'm a doctor, not a poet, but…their friendship was a balm that helped to mend a broken heart.  
The entire crew helped Jim heal. But those two Nlians were at the heart of it._


	41. The Following Day

_3/5/2259_  
_Saratoga Bridge_

"Good morning, Alpha Shift," Kirk announced as he entered the bridge.

At the sight of their Captain everyone on the Bridge gave relieved looks and welcoming smiles.

"Good morning, Captain," M'Ress said in her soft purring voice. "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, M'Ress," Kirk said as he made his way over to the Command chair. From the time he'd left his quarters  
that morning, eaten breakfast in the Mess Hall and made his way to the bridge he had gotten many concerned looks, more  
than a few greetings, as well as inquiries as to how he was. Every one of them had warmed his heart.

_"Everyone on the Saratoga cares about you,"_ L'Naym had said. And she was right.

As he sat down Kirk looked around at his crew and said: "Guys, about what happened yesterday... I know you were all worried  
about me." Sincerity shone from his eyes. "Thank you for your concern."

"We're all with you, Captain," Filars said quietly. She preferred to be in the depths of the Engineering but once again had come  
to the bridge. Kirk had no doubt that it was to keep a watchful eye on him.

"Thank you, Commander," he said with a gentle smile. "Seeing the _Enterprise_ again brought back _very_ bad memories and it  
threw me for awhile. But I'll be alright."

His expression grew more resolute. "And what happened yesterday- my ditching out of here and hiding in my Ready Room-  
that is _not_ going to happen again. A friend told me that I shouldn't feel ashamed for how I reacted, that it was perfectly natural  
and it probably was. But I am the Captain of this vessel and what I do effects everyone else on it. So there will be no more  
of me running out on my crew because I'm upset. _That_ is a promise."

His expression lightened again, "So. We've got nine days left to study those ringed babies out there. What do you say we get  
back to it?"

For the next few hours the crew focused on doing just that and they quickly regained their previous enthusiasm.

"Are they what you thought they'd be like, Novak?" Kirk asked the science officer.

"I've seen a few pictures of them," Novak answered; "But pictures don't do them justice." He grinned. "Falno's been having  
a _field day_ down in stellar cartography."

"Indeed," Thelin looked up from his station. "He has made numerous _requests."_

"In other words for the next few days, the other Departments aren't going to be seeing much of the sensor array or any other  
equipment for that matter," Kirk chuckled.

"It would appear not, Captain."

"Well don't be too hard on him, Thelin. He and the rest of Stellar Sciences have every right to be excited." He nodded toward  
the viewscreen. "Those planets are incredible. And we're the first Federation vessel to see them up close." He grinned.  
"Who needs a big explorer ship? A little research vessel will do just as well."

Filars' expression grew thoughtful. "If we _had_ been bigger I doubt the Atellans would have let us anywhere near."

"I know. The Atellans do _not_ like outsiders in their space, particularly ones with large ships. Admiral Pike told me that the only  
reason they let the _Saratoga_ in is because it's small. They told Starfleet and I quote, "'You may send a single research vessel,  
_provided_ that it does not exceed 200 meters in length.'"

"The Atellans are isolationist and several of their factions, particularly their military, are xenophobic," Thelin put in. "It stands  
to reason that larger ships might be seen as a potential threat."

Krik was quiet for a moment. "I imagine the Flagship being in their space will cause more than few hackles to be raised.  
But their Prime Minister specifically asked for Morrick to be present. Hopefully he'll make a good impression while he's there."

Shatner looked up from her post. "And hopefully his crew will manage not to screw things up."

Kirk shot her a look then gave a thoughtful nod. "Hopefully."

He looked around the bridge again. "I just realized- Starfleet's biggest ship is in this sector and so is one of its smallest."  
His grin returned. "So while the Lion is helping the Atellans with their conference, let's see how much info the Mouse can get  
on these gas giants."

The smile Filars gave him was rueful. "How do you know it's not the Mouse at the conference and the Lion out here?"

Kirk grinned back. "You're right, Filars. It just might be the other way around."

He looked back out at the planets. "I still can't get over how big they are."

A grinning Bower looked up from his post at sensors. "Technically they're not gas giants at all. A planet like Saturn is a  
class J Gas giant. A planet like Jupiter is a class I Supergiant These babies are both Class S and T _ultra-giants_. The little one  
is over 20 million kilometers in diameter and the big one is 64 million km, over forty times the size of Jupiter."

Kirk whistled. "Are you sure?"

"According to the sensors."

Novak looked up again. "I remember an astronomy book I read years ago. It said that the large one was only 58 million km."

Kirk grinned. "We'll have to be sure to send our data to a publisher so they can put out a revised edition."

"Captain," Akari said abruptly. "I'm picking up a ship approaching the system. It's Atellan."


	42. New Arrival

At Akari's words everyone on the bridge tensed slightly.

"It's probably a patrol ship come to check up on us," Kirk said calmly. "We _are_ in their space after all." He nodded to both  
Akari and Arex. "Be friendly but be ready for anything. And be prepared to get us out of here fast if things turn sour."

He was already preparing mentally, calculating possible means of escape. He didn't think there'd be a problem but he had  
over a hundred lives to protect and their entry into Atellan space had been anything but welcoming.

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_Starfleet had given them concise instructions for their entry into Atellan space. They were to approach the border at specific  
coordinates then hold position and broadcast a signal requesting entry. They had been sending the signal for over half an hour  
when Akari alerted them that a vessel was rapidly approaching._

_The ship that appeared before them was intimidating to say the least. At 450 meters long it was slightly smaller than the larger  
Federation ships but still a lot bigger than the 180 meter Saratoga. And with 7 disrupter banks and 5 torpedo bays it would  
have been a force to be reckoned with even for the Flagship._

_"They're scanning our ship," Akari said._

_"Probably want to make sure we're not carrying anything we shouldn't be," Kirk said calmly._

_"We're being hailed, Captain," M'Ress announced._

_"Onscreen."_

_The commander of the Atellan vessel appeared. He was humanoid in appearance but with golden eyes, blue skin, thick bony  
protrusions on his temples and long black hair that reached to his shoulders. His expression, although not hostile, was anything  
but warm._

_"I am War-Master Vrakal of the Atellan Guard Vessel, J'fron."_

_Kirk nodded in greeting. "I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the Federation research vessel, Saratoga."_

_"We are aware of who you are, Captain and your purpose here. We were not expecting you for another three days."_

_"We concluded our previous mission earlier than planned and saw no reason to delay. I hope that won't be a problem."_

_"No. The Atellan Union agreed to allow a research vessel within our territory and that agreement will be honored. However there  
are certain stipulations that you must adhere too. Remember, your presence in our space is tolerated _**not** _welcomed. It is only  
in the spirit of cooperation with the Federation that it is being permitted."_

_"You will have our complete cooperation."_

_"We expect nothing less, Captain. We are transmitting the course that you are to follow on your way to and from the Quia System.  
Once you have arrived at the Quia System you will confine yourselves _to_ that system. You will go nowhere else or make any attempts  
to explore our space. The Federation estimated that it would take you ten days to complete your scans. You may remain in  
the Quia System for ten days, no longer. Today is Stardate 2259.3.4. You will leave on the 14th."_

_The War-Master leaned forward and his tone took on a slightly threatening air. "Every vessel that enters our space is immediately  
detected and tracked through our parameter grid. We will know where you are at all times and if there are __**any**__ deviations on your  
part the consequences will not be pleasant."_

_Kirk nodded. "We understand and will comply fully with all stipulations."_

_"Make certain that you do, Captain." _

_The screen went blank._

_Kirk turned to his First Officer. "Charming fellow, isn't he Thelin?"_

_"Indeed, Captain."_

_Kirk turned to his Helmsman. "Mr. Akari set the course that they sent us and make certain that there are _**no**_ deviations."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

"The ship has slowed to one half impulse," Akari reported.

A new ship appeared on the viewscreen. Its design was definitely Atellan and it was well armed, but at 300 meters it was smaller  
than the previous ship.

"They're hailing us, Captain," M'Ress said.

"Onscreen."

Another Atellan appeared and if his wrinkled face and white hair were anything to go by, he was very old. "Is this the Federation  
research vessel, _Saratoga_?"

Kirk nodded. "It is. I'm Captain James T. Kirk."

The elderly Atellan nodded back. "I am Science-Master Cojen of the research vessel, _Zorenel." _He smiled. "Allow me to welcome  
you to Atellan space."

Kirk allowed a small smile to appear. "In light of the reception we got when we first arrived I wasn't expecting such a warm greeting."

Cojen gave a slight chuckle. "The War-Masters treat _everyone _in that manner, Captain. Science-Masters, such as myself, tend to be  
a bit more…welcoming."

"I was rather surprised they let us come out here by ourselves and haven't sent anyone to check on us."

"There is no need, they know exactly where you are. Our parameter grid is highly sophisticated and keeps track of every particle  
of dust that enters our space. By now every Guard Vessel in the Union knows your exact location and is monitoring your every move."

_"Well that's comforting,"_ Kirk thought.

Cojen continued. "You should have no problems, provided you follow the stipulations they set- confining yourselves to this system  
and leaving within the time period they no doubt gave you."

"They don't mind you being out here talking to us?"

"The Quia Giants have long been of great interest to our people, Captain, both spiritually and scientifically. Vessels come out here  
regularly and are the most frequent during this time. This is the Month of Skyfire when Anyavel the Mother undergoes her heaviest  
seasonal storms; your instruments have no doubt detected them starting. It is a spectacular sight lasting for weeks and dozens  
of vessels will be here to observe it. I am a senior ranking member of the Council of Science and I simply arrived first."

He smiled. "Our people have been coming to this system regularly for hundreds of years, especially during the Month of Skyfire.  
Many practically regarded as a sacred pilgrimage. That will not stop because of one tiny alien vessel that is obviously of no threat."


	43. War-Masters

_3/6/2259_  
_Captain's Mess_

"The Month of Skyfire is regarded as a time of great importance and events that occur during it are regarded as especially  
blessed," Cojen explained. "The Governing Council scheduled the conferences to occur during this time for that reason."

Cojen had offered to assist the _Saratoga_ with their surveys. The _Zorenel_ was equipped with specialized sensors which were  
specifically programmed to note details in the ultra giants, not to mention centuries worth of data on them. He had assured  
Kirk that there would be no problem with the exchange as long as the information shared was of a strictly scientific nature  
and pertained _only_ to the study of the ultra-giants. He had even joked that some of the more isolationist War-Masters would  
have no objection to something that would enable the _Saratoga _to leave Atellan space within the deadline.

Kirk had invited the Science-Master to the _Saratoga_ to dine with him and his First Officer and he had accepted. The elderly  
Atellan had been accompanied by a tactical officer, War-Master Roleen, a tall imposing woman whose sharp eyes missed  
nothing and whom Kirk felt would have no problem getting along with Commander Hatcher.

During the meal Thelin had mentioned that he had always had an interest in gas giants since his homeworld, Andoria, orbited  
one. He and Cojen then began an avid discussion about the subtle atmospheric differences between Class J and Class T planets.

Kirk listened quietly. He would never be a scientist but he had come to appreciate listening to their discussions, knowing that  
every time he did he would learn something new. Roleen was silent as well but was obviously intrigued with the Androrian.

When Thelin mentioned how an ancient clan war had once been fought during the same time that Andor underwent a planetary  
eclipse she finally spoke. "You are the first Andorian that I have met but I have heard about your people. You are said to be  
great warriors."

Thelin nodded. "My people are a militaristic race. It's considered a great honor to serve in the Imperial Guard and military rank  
greatly influences social reputation."

"It is that way with us as well," Roleen answered. "To serve in the ranks of the War-Masters is both an honor and sacred  
responsibility and every family attempts to have at least one member join their ranks."

"Indeed," Cojen put in. "My parents and older brothers were members, as is my youngest son. There is no more esteemed task  
then the defense of our people and for over twelve hundred years the War-Masters have carried out that task with honor."

"I'm certain of it," Kirk said. "Have your people faced many threats?"

"Unfortunately, yes. The first time that we encountered an alien species was over twelve hundred years ago. We never learned  
their name, but we quickly learned what they wanted. They were raiders and they wanted the mineral ores that were abundant  
in our southeastern continent. They wanted it and they took it. At the time we were a peaceful race of farmers and completely  
defenseless. They attacked without warning and stripped that area not only of its ores but of nearly all of its resources. In the  
process they reduced what had been verdant farmland into a barren wasteland and left over two million of our people dead."

"That attack led to the Great Arming," Roleen said. "Our people now knew that their were other races among the stars and that  
they could be dangerous. They knew that they might be attacked again; if not by the original raiders then some other alien race.  
To prepare for that eventuality it was decided that we must become warriors. It became a requirement, which continues to this  
day, that from childhood every single Atellan receive warrior training. It was also during that time that the War-Masters were  
formed, a class dedicated solely to the defense of our people. They devoted themselves to mastery of the warrior arts; of both  
body and mind, weapon and ship. To become the living weapons and shields of Atell."

"It was a wise move," Cojen continued; "Because three hundred years after that first attack another alien species came- the Vorloy.  
They were not raiders who would come, take what they want, and then leave; they intended to stay and make our world a part  
of their territory. And they did not want ore, they wanted us as slaves. When we resisted they destroyed most of our cities, killing  
over eighty million of us in the process. But despite our losses we successfully defeated them and drove them away never to return.

"From the time of the Great Arming our people had dedicated themselves to the development of weapons and technology.  
By the time the Vorloy came we had developed flying craft and missiles. From studying downed Vorloy ships we developed warp  
drive. Over the next few centuries we began to colonize other worlds, first in our system then neighboring ones. And during that  
time the War-Masters continued to hone their skills and weapons and remain ever vigilant." He sighed. "They were never more  
needed than five hundred years ago when our people were attacked a third time."

Roleen's eyes flashed. "They called themselves the Xkoreth. They were a nomadic species; their civilization traveled from planet  
to planet in a vast fleet. They would settle a planet, remain there until they had completely exhausted it of all of it's resources then  
move on to the next."

She scowled fiercely. "They believed that all planets in the cosmos existed solely for their benefit. They believed that they were a  
superior form of life and that all others were inferior. As far as they were concerned other species were nothing more than filthy  
insects who needed to be exterminated before they could move in to their new home. And that is exactly what they would do;  
whenever they came to a suitable world, if it was already inhabited they would exterminate the pre-existing species."

Her fierce eyes met Kirk's. "So when they entered our space and detected our inhabited worlds, you can imagine what happened  
next."

Kirk nodded. He could imagine all too well.

"They launched a devastating attack on both our homeworld and our colonies. The war lasted for twelve years. Nearly a billion  
of our people perished and three of our colony worlds was left uninhabitable. But once again we persevered, albeit at a terrible  
cost."

Roleen's golden eyes were now filled with pride. "Ever since then our people have continued to devote ourselves to protection from  
outside threats. The War-Masters continue to hone their skills and remain ever vigilant. Our people have never been interested in  
conquest or subjugation, but we will not hesitate to defend what is ours."

Kirk was thoughtful. Earth's First Contact with the Vulcans in 2063 had been peaceful. But what if it hadn't been? What if Humanity's  
First Contact had been with an alien species that had wanted to plunder their resources? Or enslave them? Or annihilate them?  
Would Humanity, who had been in the midst of recovering from World War III, which had already cost over 600 million lives, have  
been able to retain their freedom? Or their lives?

The Xindi attack on Earth in 2153 resulted in the deaths of seven million people. Earth could easily have become militaristic  
and isolationist as a result. Only recently Pike had told him that as a result of Nero's attack, Starfleet was stepping up the rebuilding  
of the Fleet and several Admirals thought that it should become more militarized.

In an odd parallel to his thoughts Roleen looked at him intently. "The Union has heard a great deal about you, Captain. And your  
actions in the defeat of Nero. You are obviously a skilled strategist and some would consider _you_ a War-Master."

"Thank you for the complement," Kirk answered quietly. "I suppose I _could_ be considered a War-Master and if Earth and the rest  
of the Federation were ever attacked I'd do everything in my power to defend it. But in my heart I'm an explorer, not a soldier."

It was Cojen's turn to nod now. "That is a sentiment I can relate to, Captain. It is the very reason I did not join the War-Masters  
even though both sides of my family had been members for generations. From childhood I was filled with a desire for knowledge  
and a need to understand the unknown. War-Masters devote themselves to protecting our people from danger, but unfortunately  
that causes some of them to perceive anything unknown as a potential threat. Science-Masters devote themselves to science  
and science is by its nature _exploring_ the unknown." He smiled. "Perhaps you should consider yourself a Science-Master, Captain."

Kirk chuckled. "There're a lot of Science-Masters aboard this ship but I'm not one of them. I _definitely_ enjoy exploring the unknown  
however." He grew thoughtful. "Maybe I should think of myself as an Explorer-Master."


	44. Establishing Ties

_3/14/2259_  
_Saratoga Bridge_

"I have never seen anything like this," Novak whispered as he gazed at his readings.

"Me neither," Kirk responded as he gazed at the viewscreen.

Anyavel the larger of the ultra giants was covered with vast storms, each one larger than planets and much larger than the Red Spot  
of Jupiter. The massive storms caused constant electrical surges to play across the surface which caused many of the chemicals  
and gasses in the giant's atmosphere to light up. The result was a massive aurora borealis-like effect with covered most of the planet.

"It is quite a sight," Cojen said with a smile. M'Ress had been keeping communications with both the _Saratoga _and the _Zorenel_  
in tandem and Kirk and the Science-Master had been discussing readings over the viewscreen.

"Quite a sight is right," Kirk said softly as a gazed at the glowing ultra giants.

He would have loved nothing better than to take the _Waverider_ for a closer look, but not only did the region's unusual gravitations  
make shuttles unsafe but the planet's storms resulted in a deathtrap of superheated ions and gases. _"So you're just going to have  
to keep your thrill seeking butt on the ship for once!"_ McCoy had told him smugly. So stay on the ship he had. But even from a  
distance the sight was incredible.

Over the past several days the _Saratoga_ had feverishly collected data, trying to gather as much as possible within the time limit  
set them. The _Zorenel_ had showed them how to modify their sensors so as to get far better readingsand what they had collected  
had Stellar Sciences ecstatic. The Atellans had also shared data about the system's gravitational fluctuations and given them pointers  
on the safest navigational distances.

In the days since the arrival of the _Zorenel_ several other Atellan vessels had arrived. Some of them of them had been friendly,  
others polite but distant. Two of them, which had arrived the day before, were content to pretty much ignore them.

"Many of my people are distrustful of outsiders," Cojen had explained.

Kirk could understand. Considering what they had endured in the past it was a wonder that any Atellans were willing to talk  
to outsiders.

"Not all of them feel that way however," the Science Master had continued; "Some War-Masters feel that the Union should make  
allies who could assist us in times of danger. Many Commerce-Masters feel that the Union would benefit from forging trade ties  
with the Federation. And many Science-Masters, including myself, feel that there is great potential to expand our knowledge if we  
combined resources with other races."

"We've certainly expanded our knowledge thanks to you and your crew," Kirk had said. "You've made lifelong friends with our  
Stellar Sciences Department."

"Your Science-Masters have made some friends with us as well, Captain."

The Science Master seemed slightly saddened now. "It is a pity you will have to leave today. The storms will be at their heaviest  
in twelve more days."

"It's a pity alright," Kirk said. "One could spend a lifetime studying these beauties."

"Many Science-Masters have over the years. Perhaps during the next Month of Skyfire you will be allowed to return and observe  
them during the entire month. I know several Science-Masters who would enjoy further opportunities to share knowledge and ideas."  
Cojen had frequently beamed over to their ship and a few other scientists had as well, resulting in spirited conversations and debates  
between crews.

Kirk grinned. "I know several of our Science-Masters who would love nothing better." Nobody had been happier about the visiting  
Atellan scientists than Falno. Especially since one of them, Science-Master Zelap, shared his inherent belief that Stellar Sciences  
were the height of scientific study. The two of them had spent countless hours going over data and/or discussing the infinite joys  
of astronomical research.

"But even if we're not allowed to come back, this one time has been more than worth it," Kirk continued. "Thanks to you we have  
data of previous Skyfire Months that'll wow the Federation. And just by being here we've gotten the chance to see these giants close  
up and we've gathered data that will keep our astronomers as happy as clams for years. Anyavel is stunning even when she's not  
having storms. Yulia's gorgeous too and both of their rings are beyond incredible. We've also learned a lot of interesting things about  
gravitational fluctuations." He smiled solemnly. "I hope that you will convey our thanks to your government for allowing us to come."

"It will be my pleasure, Captain."

"Captain," Akari interrupted. "Another Atellan vessel is approaching. It appears to be another Guard Vessel and it's big."

As the new ship approached it becames obvious that the Helmsman wasn't exaggerating. It was definitely a Guard Vessel and at  
640 meters it was much larger than the first one the _Saratoga_ had encountered. And with twelve disrupter banks and eight torpedo  
bays the _Enterprise_ would have balked at engaging it.

"We're being hailed, Captain," M'Ress said.

Another War-Master appeared on the viewscreen. "I am War-Master Surjod of the Atellan Guard Vessel, _Vi'koth. _Today is Stardate  
2259.2.14. The time limit allotted your vessel for the study of this system has passed. I am here to escort you back to Federation  
territory."

Kirk nodded politely. From talks with Cojen he had learned that War-Master's were _always_ spoken to with the utmost respect.  
For twelve hundred years they had been the Shields of the Atellan people. They had always carried out that task with honor and were  
always accorded respect and honor. "An escort would be welcome, War-Master. We are honored by your efforts on our part."

The War-Master nodded. "You have fifteen minutes to complete departure preparations. Then you will follow us."

After the War-Master's transmission ended, Kirk alerted all decks to prepare for immediate departure and then once again connected  
with the _Zorenel._

"It would appear that our time here has ended. Farewell Science-Master Cojen. Your assistance to us was invaluable."

The aged Atellan nodded. "Farewell, Explorer-Master Kirk," he said with a smile. "I hope that we meet again someday. And that there  
will be will increased relations between our peoples in the future."

"That is my hope as well."

"Good Journey, Captain. And may the winds guide you."

As the screen went blank Kirk turned to his Communications Officer "M'Ress, please inform the _Vi'koth_ that we have completed  
our preparations and our ready when they are."

As the _Saratoga_ silently flew through space beside the massive _Vi'koth,_ Kirk thought about the events of the past ten days.

_The Enterprise is here to assist the Atellans with a conference and in the process hopefully strengthen the Federation's ties with them.  
__The Saratoga came here to study some gas giants but in the process we established some friendly ties. Small ones maybe,  
but ties nonetheless. Sometimes scientists can be agents of diplomacy. And often little ships can make a positive difference._

After a few hours the _Saratoga_ arrived at the Atellan border and were once again hailed.

"We have arrived at the border," the War-Master informed them. "You may proceed from here at your own discretion."

Kirk nodded solemnly. "Thank you for escorting us, War Master Surjod. On behalf of my crew I thank you."

The War-Master nodded and gave a slight, barely noticeable smile. "Good Journey."


	45. Boys Night Out

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.3.14_

_The Saratoga is heading toward Deep Space Station G-6 to offload our data from our survey of the Quia System. We're bringing  
back a treasure trove that will keep Starfleet astronomers and astrophysicists busy for years. Everyone's tired but happy.  
Falno and everyone in Stellar Sciences look like cats that have eaten the canary. I know Thelin will be happy not to have to deal  
with any of their 'requests' for awhile. Bones is happy that for once everyone stayed on the ship. And I, as always, am proud of  
my crew._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Mess Hall_

"Mind if I join you?"

The Nlian looked up from his drink and smiled as Kirk pulled out a chair across from him. "Captain."

"It's Jim when we're off duty, Tuskaro."

After his shift, Kirk had retired to his Ready Room to fill out some final reports. He had then headed to the Mess Hall knowing that  
the ever vigilant Filars would certainly find out if he skipped too many meals. Most had eaten and left, but there were a couple here  
and there who were still sitting at tables either talking or, in Alyen's case, quietly sipping a drink and reading a PADD.

"Where's Shylea?" Kirk asked as he sat down. "It's unusual not to see the two of you joined at the hip."

"She's going to busy this evening. First she and Natasha are going to practice a duet they're putting together. And then she's meeting  
with Lieutenant Richards. They and some other women are going to have…I think Richards called it…a Girls' Night Out.'

Kirk grinned. "Hope they have fun. Everyone's trying to unwind after running around studying those ultra-giants."

Alyen smiled. "That's true. They even kept the botanists busy. According to Shylea there were a lot of talks down there of how ultra-giants  
effect the plantlife of orbiting moons as opposed to ordinary gas giants." He chuckled. "They weren't nearly as busy as Stellar Sciences  
though. As I understand it, Commander Rodriguez had a long 'conversation' with Commanders Falno and Thelin when Falno wanted  
to have power reduced in some of the botany labs so to enhance Stellar Cartography's sensors."

Kirk laughed. "Thelin's had to deal with a lot of Falno's 'requests' lately. I certainly don't envy him."

Alyen's face became serious. "And I don't envy _you_, Jim. Bower told me what happened when the _J'fron _met us at the border and then  
when the_ Zorenel_ approached us and we didn't know what they wanted. When I saw him this evening he told me how big the _Vi'koth _was_._"

He was silent for a moment. "All of this got me thinking. When Shylea and I joined Starfleet we knew that there would be risks involved;  
unexplored space and dangerous territory. But this…this was our first brush with danger and it wasn't a training simulation it was _real._  
The Atellans weren't enemies, but they just as easily could have been. And while we're out here in space we _still_ might run into enemies.  
Space can be very dangerous. Even for a research vessel."

Kirk nodded solemnly. "Bones said something similar when we first met. I hope you're not having second thoughts about being out here."

The Nlian shook his head. "No, Jim. My mother's father, Divo Traidwyn, died when I was seven but during the years that we had together  
he taught me a great deal. He was captain of a merchant sea vessel and during his lifetime he sailed to every port city on Nlia. Being out  
at sea could be dangerous but he loved it with all his heart. He told me that the first time he was in a storm at sea he was frightened but  
it didn't stop him from going out again. Throughout his life he ran into more storms than he could count, but it never stopped him from  
going out and he never stopped loving the sea."

His smile returned. "What happened was just…my first storm on my first voyage. I was a bit frightened but I'm not going to let it stop me.  
Being out in space can be dangerous but I love it too. I've only been out here for three months, and I've already seen wonders I never  
imagined and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I may not be an officer but I am a member of Starfleet and I'm here to stay. "

"Glad to hear it," Kirk said with a smile.

Alyen's face once again grew serious as he met Kirk's eyes. "I'm glad to be out here but I'm just as glad I'm not sitting in the Captain's chair.  
Space is often dangerous and the Captain is responsible for his crew's safety. If something ever happened to this ship I'd be worried about  
Shylea. You have to worry about _everyone_. If I'd been sitting in the Captain's chair and I first saw the Atellans approaching I would have  
been _terrified,_ not for myself for but everyone else. Because if the Atellans had wanted to attack us I wouldn't have known what to do and  
I would have probably gotten every single person on this ship killed."

A gentle smile smiled. "I've always respected leaders, be they Chieftains or Captains. And all of this has made me appreciate them and _you_  
even more. This ship may run into more storms but I feel safer knowing that you're at the helm."

Kirk looked into Alyen's eyes. The Nlian's words echoed something that Pike has once told him. '_A Captain can never think that he's infallible  
because the choices he makes could get himself and everyone under his command killed.'_

He smiled and gently clapped Alyen on the shoulder. "An Alpha protects his herd, Tuskaro. And I'm glad that you're part of mine. Because  
knowing that you, Shylea and Bones are part of my herd will make me that much more careful about protecting it. "

His grin turned mischievous. "After I've finished eating why don't you and I head over to the rec rooms? Shylea and her friends are having  
a Girls Night Out. What do you say to the two of us having a Boys' Night Out?"

The Nlian grinned shyly. "Sounds good to me, Jim."


	46. Anniversary

_First Officer's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.3.20_  
_Morning_

_The Saratoga is currently assisting in zoological studies of the M class world of Pelos. It is a world of grassy  
savannahs and large complex mega structures formed by a unique type of burrowing tube worm.  
The dominant lifeform is a 4.5 meter quadruped which bears resemblance to an Earth spider and has  
very unusual methods of reproducing. I anticipate that our exobiologists and zoologists will greatly enjoy  
our current assignment._

_That however is not the subject of this entry. The current state of the Captain is._

_Today is Stardate 2259.3.20. It was exactly one year ago today that the Captain suffered a terrible  
violation and an even worse abandonment. Everyone on the ship is aware of this; we all received  
briefings when the Captain accepted command._

_When he came to the bridge this morning he greeted everyone pleasantly. But everyone could sense  
his pensiveness. He said nothing about what today entailed but everyone knew that it was strongly  
on his mind. And everyone silently conveyed without words that they would do their utmost to support  
him during this troubled time._

_As will I._

_Among Andorians familial ties are very deep and strong. But we seldom form friendships with someone  
outside of the scope of family. A colleague of mine from the Academy, summed it up in this manner:  
"You guys focus all of your emotions on your families. You don't have time for friends."_

_That may have been a simplistic way of putting it but it was reasonably accurate. To an Andorian familial  
bonds, both of mating and blood, are everything and we usually don't pursue bonds outside of that.  
There have been a few rare exceptions; Lieutenant P'lal has formed such a bond with Lieutenant Taya  
Williams of Security._

_I, for a long time, was not an exception. While in Starfleet, I served alongside many officers and although  
I formed many bonds of trust and respect none of them were of friendship. I served as Captain Martell's  
First Officer for two years. He was a good man, I had nothing but respect for him and if it had been necessary  
I would have died to protect him. But our bond was not of friendship either._

_Captain Kirk however is...different. I have served with him for less than four months but he has made  
a definite impression on me. Perhaps it initially was compassion on my part for the injustice that he suffered.  
Perhaps it is his personable nature and his frank openness. But I believe that a bond is forming based on more  
than duty and respect._

_Andorians very seldom form friendships with those outside of family. There have been rare exceptions  
and I think in your case, Captain, I am becoming one of them. And as this crew will stand by you, so will I._

_Commander Thelin th' Valrass_

* * *

_Personal Log of Crewman Shylea L'Naym_  
_Noon_

_Yesterday and today have been days without surprises._

_Yesterday the Captain asked Tuskaro and I if he could share evening meal with us tonight. We weren't  
surprised that he asked, the three of us regularly spend time together when off duty and he frequently  
comes to our quarters, or invites us to his, simply to talk. He loves spending time with us; we offer him  
friendship and pleasant company and more then that we offer him a haven. A haven from his duties  
as Captain and often a haven from the pain of the past._

_The second reason we weren't surprised was because of the date. Even if he hadn't asked us we would  
have offered. We know what happened to him exactly one year ago. Not all anniversaries are joyous  
and some of them are anything but. Some, like the anniversary of the destruction of Vulcan, are vast  
and incomprehensible in their tragedy. Some are quiet and thankfully involve no loss of life, but are  
equally tragic._

_As on Mychar, the scientists here have established a base camp from which both groups will operate  
from. Different teams beam down from the ship every day and today both Tuskaro and I found  
ourselves working with Dr. McCoy. The primary focus of the Saratoga's studies on this world will  
be zoological, but of course plant-life is never to be neglected and no healer would ever ignore  
their potential medicinal uses! Petty Officer Vyo Coleese of Security accompanied us; she enjoys  
being outside and is often assigned to away teams. When we learned that the Captain had assigned  
himself to our team, once again we weren't surprised._

_We spent most of the morning scanning and collecting plants and staring at the occasional quadruped  
(The Captain calls them Treewalkers) that strode by on their endless grazing rounds. The Captain  
attempted light hearted banter but Tuskaro and I noticed the concerned looks Dr. McCoy frequently  
gave him. And all of us saw the look in the Captain's eyes- saw what he conveyed without words._

_His grim anniversary was affecting him and he was grateful to be near people who cared about him._

_During the morning I often hummed or sang softly; I know that he enjoys my singing. Dr. McCoy  
shot seemingly annoyed glances at me from time to time and now and then he muttered about  
having a songbird along. But I wasn't fooled: he knew that I was trying to cheer up the Captain  
and appreciated my efforts in his own gruff way._

_It's noon now and we've returned to base camp for midday meal. I'm taking a moment to make  
this log entry. Petty Officers Colese is fascinated with geology and is looking over some of the data  
that the scientists here have put together. My lifemate, always eager to expand his skills, is talking  
to one of their medics. _

_Both the Captain and Dr. McCoy beamed back to the ship for their repast. The Captain said that  
he was going to have lunch with Commander Filars. I'm grateful for that. I've spoken to her a few  
times and I can tell that she cares a great deal for him. And I'm sure that while he's on board he'll  
get a lot of encouraging smiles or words from the rest of the crew today. Even Gavor didn't have  
a single insult for him this morning and for him that's a rare thing._

_Jim told us once that part of him froze after he was raped. Froze and shattered. Dr. McCoy  
and Admiral Pike helped put the shattered pieces back together. The crew of the Saratoga is helping  
him to thaw._

_You are our Captain, Jim and by your side we will stand. You are our friend and both of duty  
and on we will do our best to make your burdens lighter._

_Crewman Shylea L'Naym_

* * *

_Chief Engineer's Personal Log_  
_Afternoon_

_I'll always prefer to be in the depths of Engineering instead of the bridge, but I'll be up there today  
and probably for the next few days._

_I know what today is and so does everyone else on this ship. It was one year ago today that it happened.  
One year ago that Jim walked into a bar and his life fell apart. Even though one would have had to have  
been living under a rock not to have heard what happened to him and even if the date hadn't been  
broadcasted all over the place during the 'Trial of the Century' as some called it, every member of this  
crew received a briefing of the situation when the Captain accepted command._

_When the Captain came to the bridge this morning he smiled and greeted us like he always did,  
but everyone could tell that he was pensive and everyone knew why. I've no doubt that Dr. McCoy  
wanted him to take the day off, but I've come to know Jim pretty well; he's never going to stay  
hidden away somewhere when he has duties to perform. And keeping busy will always do him  
more good than staying in his quarters._

_He assigned himself to one of the surface teams today: a botanic survey comprised of Dr. McCoy,  
Petty Officer Coleese, Crewman Alyen and Crewman L'Naym. I wasn't surprised; McCoy is his closest  
friend and since meeting them he's formed a very strong bond with the two Nlians. Today he planned  
to spend his time working, but having people he cared about close at hand._

_When the Captain is on planetary missions he usually has lunch while on the planet but he came back  
to the ship this time. I met him in the Mess Hall and we spent the time quietly talking. Among other things  
he told me how much his crews' support meant to him._

_Tomorrow he's going to take the Waverider on a survey of the rest of this system. He's fallen in love  
with that runabout and will use __**any**_ _excuse to take her out. And he's made it the habit, whenever he  
takes her out, of taking along away-teams comprised solely of ensigns and/or crewman, which he has  
fondly dubbed Mini-Crews. He enjoys forming bonds with different members of his crew. And the crew  
enjoys the chance to spend personal time with their Captain._

_I don't know yet who all of the members of tomorrow's Mini-Crew will be, but I __**do**__ know that there will  
be an officer this time. When I told him that I was going with him and expected no debate about it,  
he laughed and said that it certainly wouldn't do for a Captain to neglect his senior officers. It was good  
to see him laugh._

_Later a couple of other crewmembers, Lieutenant Blackhawk a relief helmsman, and Lieutenant Lorn from  
Security came up and asked him how his lunch was. What they really wanted to know was how __**he**__ was  
and he knew it. His voice was quiet when he answered that it was fine, but his warm smile spoke volumes.  
When Blackhawk gave him a gentle clap on the shoulder, the look of quiet gratitude in his eyes spoke  
even louder._

_Don't worry, Jim, everyone on this ship is watching out for you. We're not going to fail you like your last  
crew did. You are our Captain and we'll stand by you. You're someone that I care about and _**I**_ will stand  
by you. You often call me your Mother Hen and your Mother Bear. You mean it as an affectionate joke  
but if anyone ever tries to hurt you around me they're going to find out very quickly that there are few  
things more deadly than a Mother Bear._

_Lieutenant Commander Joyce Filars_

* * *

_Chief Medical Officer's Personal Log_  
_Night_

_Today is a date that, in my mind at least, will live forever in infamy. It was one year ago today that Jim  
was raped and his miserable excuse for a crew turned their backs on them._

_I wanted him to take the day off but he (naturally) wouldn't hear of it. He said that there was nothing  
wrong with him physically and absolutely no reason for him to stay holed up when there was work to  
be done. He then got dead serious. 'When the Enterprise flew by I told the crew that that would be  
the__** last**__ time that I ever ditched on them, Bones. And that's a promise that I intend to keep.'_

_I told him that if he was going down to the surface (As if there was any chance of him not doing that)  
that I was going with him. He smiled and said, "Already done, Bones." True to his word he assigned  
himself to my group; a small botanical survey excursion not far from base camp._

_During our morning's work I kept a close eye on him. He tried to keep up light banter but nobody was  
fooled for a second-he was remembering and grateful as hell to be around folks that he cared about.  
Those two Nlians, being there helped a lot. They're good for Jim, bless their hearts. (Not that I'm ever  
going to tell them that. I do have a reputation after all.) I didn't complain (much) when L'Naym hummed  
or sang softly either. Jim likes her singing and she has a lovely voice. (Not that I'm going to tell her  
that either.)_

_Commander Filars is good for Jim too. When we went back to the Saratoga for lunch he spent the whole  
time talking to her. She's a regular mother hen to him. I know he welcomes that because God knows  
he didn't get much motherly attention growing up._

_After we returned to the surface we ranged further afield and came across the remains of two of the  
planet's largest lifeform. Jim calls them Treewalkers because in the end they practically become trees.  
One of the (many) weird things about them is that when they die they die standing up. Their bodies  
then harden and remain in a fixed position, becoming highly sought after by other birds and animals  
as safe burrow/nesting sites. _

_Anyway we saw a couple of dead Treewalkers. According to our scans one had been dead for about  
eighty years. And the other about fifty-four. Both were covered with vines and plants, countless small  
animals had dug burrows into them over the years and on top of one a mama bird squaked angrily  
at us to keep away from her nest._

_Jim got quiet for awhile, silently watching the mother bird taking care of her babies. Then he gently  
laid a hand on the Treewalker's frozen form. Finally he turned to me and said, "It's always sad when  
something ends, Bones. But good can come out of it." He looked at the rest of the away team, smiled  
and said, "Sometimes a lot of good can come out of it."_

_When we went back to the ship near the end of the day he went to his Ready Room and later on received  
two calls; one from Admiral Pike (No surprise there) and one from Ambassador Spock. (Still somewhat  
of a surprise to me.) The elderly Vulcan calls regularly and I know that Jim enjoys their talks. Its ironic  
that despite one Spock failing him so badly, another Spock could become a close friend and seeming mentor._

_Just before the shift ended he made a ship wide announcement congratulating the crew on another  
productive day. Then in a more quiet tone he thanked them for being the loyal, supportive crew that  
they were._

_He then went to have dinner with Alyen and L'Naym. Afterwards he came to my quarters with a small  
box that he carried as gently as if it were a newborn baby. "They each gave me a present, Bones,"  
he said. He reverently opened the box and slowly took out the gifts. Alyen had given him a cameo  
wristband etched with Nlian symbols of friendship. L'Naym had given him a brightly colored scarf._

_"They made them for me themselves," he whispered. "They spent two weeks working on them."  
His voice was thick with emotion when he next spoke. "You know what they said to me, Bones?"_

_"What, Jim?" I asked gently._

_"Tuskaro said that the first gift they gave me was a Gift of Esteem. These are both Gifts of Friendship."  
He was practically in tears at that point. "Shylea said that she hoped these gifts would comfort me when  
I remembered dark times and remind me of the friendships that came after." _

_After that we had some drinks and talked for hours. He didn't want to be alone tonight (not surprising)  
so he fell asleep on my couch. After covering him up I came over to my desk and began writing.  
I've periodically glanced over to watch him as he sleeps._

_Don't worry, Jim. Your crew is with you and so am I._

_Dr. Leonard McCoy_


	47. Anniversary (Enterprise)

_3/20/2259_  
_Vorkus II (Beta Quadrant)_

**Scotty**

Today's the day, Captain. The anniversary of the day everything went to hell. I'm sitting at the transporter console now,  
which is ironic because it was at this exact same console where it started.

It was early morning and I was almost asleep; I'd been on Gamma shift and had had a busy night, not to mention some fine  
scotch on the sly. (Ancient history now- Captain Morrick's stricter than a Marine staff sergeant; he's forbidden alcoholic  
beverages on the _Enterprise_ and he's made it plain that anyone who's caught drinking on duty or off will be court-martialed.  
I didn't even want to _think_ about what he'd do to me if he ever found my secret still so that had to go too.)

Anyway, the comm beeped and I heard you asking to be beamed up. I remember thinking that your voice sounded raspy.  
When you beamed aboard I saw your black eyes and battered appearance and I saw you practically limp off the transporter  
padd.

Did I ask you if you were alright? No, I made an assumption. I assumed that you'd had a bit of fun and gotten into some kind  
of brawl. When you left the transporter room I made a stupid comment that I've cursed myself for saying: "_Well, looks like _  
_someone had a wee of a night, eh?"_

That was bad enough. But everyone makes mistakes right? And if that had been the only time it would have been bad but  
perhaps understandable.

But what came afterwards was inexcusable.

The next day you came up to me. _"Scotty, can I talk to you for a minute?"_

I'd heard some of the crew talking about the wild shore leave you'd supposedly had and I assumed that you wanted to give  
me juicy details. Plus, I had some new upgrades that I wanted to install on my Silver Lady.

_"Sorry, Captain but I'm a wee bit busy here."_

A couple of days later you approached me again. _"Scotty, I really need to talk to you."_

I'd had a rough day and was looking forward to heading back to my quarters and enjoying some fine scotch.

_"Sorry, Captain but I've got a wee bit of an emergency."_

The third time I saw you coming I deliberately ducked out of sight behind some machinery.

That was the last time you approached me.

A few days later you were gone and shortly after that I learned the magnitude of what I'd done.

You'd gotten me off Delta Vega, and you'd given me my Silver Lady. And I paid you back by letting you down in the worse way.

I'm sorry, Captain. I'm sorrier than you'll ever know.

I hated my time on Delta Vega, but I often wish that I'd never left.

Because hunger and boredom is preferable to the guilt that I bear every day.

* * *

**Sulu**

This is the day, Captain. The day that I failed you.

I remember that day when I fell off of the drill on Vulcan. I remember how you didn't hesitate to jump after me. I remember  
how you didn't even know me but still risked your life, and nearly lost it, to save mine.

And I remember all too well how I repaid you.

Alpha shift had just begun and you had arrived on the bridge. I noticed that you seemed a bit unsteady on your feet. I assumed  
that you had a hangover and rolled my eyes.

Over the next few days I noticed you trying to talk to different crew members. I assumed that you wanted to brag about your  
shore leave exploits so I avoided you.

Finally you managed to track me down. _"Sulu, about that night..."_

I made some excuse about needing to work on an experiment when I really planned to browse a girl-site on the extranet.

You were my Captain and I owed you my respect and loyalty. Instead I showed you disinterest. You saved my life but when you  
needed my help I was more interested in looking at porn.

I know that I'm dead to you now, Captain. But my shame will never die.

* * *

**Chekov**

It's been exactly one year since it happened, Captain. Exactly one year since I let you down. And every single day since then  
has been sheer hell.

Over and over I've replayed in my mind what happened.

You had just returned from shore leave and had arrived to your shift. I noticed right away that something wasn't right- your  
head was bowed down and you were limping, although trying to hide it. Uhura scowled and hissed something at you, which  
made you wince. Commander Spock gave you a disproving look. Sulu whispered to me that you probably had a handover  
and rolled his eyes.

Although I felt bad about it I repeated the eye roll. After all everyone else was doing it and they all couldn't be wrong could they?  
Sulu was doing it and he was my best friend.

You were quiet throughout the shift, which wasn't like you at all, and I noticed you slumping in your chair. Once I almost asked  
you if you were all right.

But I didn't.

Nobody else had asked and I didn't want to be different.

At the end of the shift you got up and started to speak, "_Guys, about last night…"_ Only to be interrupted by Commander Spock.

You left quickly after that. I almost went after you.

But I didn't.

After all, Commander Spock had said that your personal affairs should remain personal. And he couldn't be wrong could he?

Over the next few days I noticed the crew talking and whispering about you. I didn't join in, but I didn't walk away either.  
Everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to stand out.

A few days later you approached me. _"Chekov, can I talk to you?"_

If only….If only…If only…

_"Excuse me, Keptin, but I have several things to do at ze astrolabs…"_

Why? Why? Why?

Because I was a foolish child.

Captain, I am so sorry. Not a day has gone by that I haven't regretted what I've done. Not a day has gone by that I haven't wished…  
prayed...for another chance.

I'm the youngest officer in Starfleet and Chief Navigator of the Flagship. And it all means _nothing_. The only thing I have that means  
anything at all is a faint, fragile hope.

The hope that someday, somehow I can gain your forgiveness.

* * *

**Spock**

Today the _Enterprise_ is conducting negotiations with the inhabitants of Vorkus II. These meetings may enable the Federation to forge  
an important strategic alliance in the Beta Quadrant.

However, despite the importance of this mission and despite repeated attempts at meditation I find my thoughts increasingly occupied  
with the events of last year.

It was the day the former Captain of the _Enterprise_ returned from shore leave. When he arrived on the bridge I took in his appearance  
and made an incorrect assumption about the activities he had been engaged in. I experienced displeasure with him for unprofessionally  
arriving nine point forty three minutes late to his duty shift and for not removing all signs of what I assumed to be indecent behavior.

When he began what I assumed was an attempt to regale the Bridge crew with tales of his previous night's antics I requested that  
he keep his personal affairs to himself. I believed that I was acting logically- the crew had no need to know the details of their Captain's  
behavior.

When, over the next several days, the Captain appeared to be increasingly agitated and unable to focus I felt irritation at his continued  
unprofessionalism. When he attempted to drag others into a conversation about his shore leave, they demonstrated what I believed to  
be sound logic and avoided such attempts.

At no point did I attempt to engage him in personal conversation, nor did it occur to me that something might be wrong.

No, that is incorrect; eight days after his return I noticed him sitting in the observation lounge with a troubled expression on his face.  
I could have attempted to engage him in personal conversation.

_'Spock, in this case do yourself a favor. Put aside logic. Do what feels right.' _

But I did not. I had a meeting with some of the science staff and logic dictated that professional matters were more important than  
personal (and no doubt distasteful) conversations.

As I prepared to depart the Captain noticed me and glanced in my direction. In his eyes I detected the emotions of...Sadness?  
Distress? Entreaty?

I incorrectly assumed that he were disappointed not to have been able to regale anyone with his exploits. I gave him a disproving  
look and departed.

Four days later Nyota informed me of a series of transmissions between the Captain, Admiral Pike and a few others. After that the  
Captain's behavior improved and he appeared once again focused and calm. If I were Human I would have said 'It's about time.'  
I even thought that perhaps someone had complained to Starfleet about the Captain's unprofessional behavior and he had been  
reprimanded.

Things appeared to be back to normal. Work was continuing as it should, the Captain was once again acting professionally and no  
longer attempting to drag anyone into conversations about his indecent behavior. I was content.

And completely unprepared for the abrupt change of command that followed three days later.

It was not until five days after the Captain's departure that I learned the true magnitude of my error.

I was a fool. I committed a terrible grievance and I shall have to live with the knowledge that I committed it for the remainder  
of my life.

But there is something else that deeply troubles me. I have been increasingly reminded of the words of my older self.

_'Because you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together. Of a friendship  
that would define you both in ways you cannot yet realize."_

Because of my foolishness that friendship was lost before it could begin. And I grieve.

I grieve for what might have been but will never be.

* * *

**Uhura**

I loved this ship, I loved what I did and I was the best there was at it.

Languages and translation have always been my joy and passion. And from the moment that I first saw the schematics of the _Enterprise_  
I knew that was where I was meant to put those skills to use. Serving on the _Enterprise_ became my goal and dream. She was the future  
Flagship of the Federation. She would be responsible for exploring unknown regions of space and establishing First Contact. And I was  
determined to be there when she did.

I worked hard and it paid off. I was at the head of all my classes, my scores were among the highest in the Academy and I won countless  
awards and accolades. Career and reputation was everything and both of mine were limitless.

I was unmatched. I was brilliant. And I was proud of it.

And that was my downfall.

Captain Morrick once said that too often brilliance leads to arrogance and he was right, I _was_ arrogant. I remember when the call to Vulcan  
came and I was awaiting my ship assignment, confident that I'd be assigned to the _Enterprise._ When I learned that I'd been assigned to  
the _Farragut _I wasn't disappointed I was furious. I belonged on the _Enterprise! _She was _my_ ship! I _deserved _to be on her! The _Farragut_  
wasn't good enough for me!

And he wasn't either the first time I met him.

I had visited the Riverside Shipyards with several other cadets to see the construction of the _Enterprise_. It was one of the highlights of my  
first year at the Academy. And it made me more determined than ever to be on that beautiful ship when she launched.

Afterwards we went to one of the Riverside bars and some local guy started coming on to me. As far as I was concerned he was a lowlife  
not worth my attention. A dumb hick who only had sex with farm animals.

I see now that I never really changed my opinion of him.

It may have been his cocky attitude. It may have been his constant womanizing. It may have been how he seemed to think that he could  
get away with anything. But even though he joined Starfleet, even though he wound up saving Earth, even though he was promoted to Captain-  
deep down I still thought of him as the same lowlife I met in that bar.

And so one year ago when he limped on to the bridge I took in his battered appearance and assumed that he'd been sleeping around again.  
I hissed at him as he walked by: _"Can't you at least keep these things off duty, **Captain?" **_

He spent most of the shift more fidgety and agitated than usual. And I spent most of the shift glaring at him and wondering what the heck  
Starfleet was thinking when they gave him the Flagship.

When he started to tell the Bridge crew what had happened I was glad Spock interrupted. It was obvious what had happened- he'd been  
indulging in one of his countless sex-capades and gotten into trouble.

As he limped from the bridge, I thought only one thing, _'Serves him right.'_

He'd been ducking out of consequences his whole life. He didn't like losing the _Kobayashi Maru_ test so he cheated on it. He was grounded  
but snuck aboard the _Enterprise _anyway. He said that he didn't believe in no win scenarios when what he meant was that he didn't like to lose.

It was time for him to lose for once.

He had lost all right but in a way I never imagined. And the crew and I lost as well. It wasn't until days later that we realized what we'd done.  
And by then it was far too late.

Career and reputation were everything once but all of that's in shambles now.

Kirk's in command of a different ship now and he specifically requested a vessel as different from the _Enterprise _as possible. (No question as  
to why.) He now has a tiny research vessel that many consider little more than a glorified shuttlepod. But at least he still has a career.

For me and the rest of the senior staff of the _Enterprise_ our careers are essentially over. The only reason they didn't kick us out was because  
after Nero, Starfleet needed every officer that it had left. The only reason we're still on the Flagship is because it needs to be crewed by the  
brightest and each of us has the highest scores in our fields. We still retain our previous ranks but they're nothing but empty titles; we'll never  
advance beyond them and no one will ever offer us commands.

As for reputation.

The first time we tried to contact Kirk after the trial we wound up in the brig for public nuisance and attempt at breaking and entering.  
The senior staff of the Flagship in the brig. Quite a slap in the face.

But that was just the beginning.

Whenever we encounter other crews we receive, at best, stares and whispers. At worse, comments and insults. And whenever a promising  
crewmember from another ship is offered a posting onboard the _Enterprise _(It's still the Flagship after all) they almost always request to be  
sent elsewhere. And the ones who do accept do so only because it would hurt their career not too. And they're quick to tell other crews that  
they weren't here during the _'Enterprise Incident.'_

Once the greatest ship in the fleet, the _Enterprise_ is now the one ship that nobody wants to be on. And its crew, despite being the brightest,  
is now the most despised- each one of us branded with an invisible Scarlet Letter.

And that Scarlet Letter will never go away either. Everyone in Starfleet knows about the _'Enterprise Incident' _and future generations will too.  
What happened to Captain Kirk and the behavior of his senior staff has been documented and used as a lesson and warning to future cadets.  
So our mistakes will never be forgotten. Or forgiven.

I'm brilliant and I graduated top of my class. I speak nearly every language known in the Federation and I'm a senior officer on the bridge  
of the Flagship.

And I would give it up in an instant if I could change the past.

Spock once said that there was a difference between hearing and listening. I heard but I didn't listen. When I looked at Kirk I only saw the  
surface and didn't bother to look beneath. As a result I lost everything. And where once there was pride there is now only regret and shame.


	48. Birthday Preparations

_Captain's Log  
Stardate: 2259.3.29_

_Our zoological studies on Pelos are proceeding well. I once would have been bored to tears studying a planet that had no  
sentient life, but since accepting command of the Saratoga I've come to find it quite fascinating. The mega-structures that  
this planet's tube worms form are really incredible! Not to mention great to climb!_

_On a more personal note, today some of the crew are putting together a birthday party._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Saratoga Mess Hall_

_Shylea's a regular Pied Piper,_ Kirk thought with amusement. He was sitting in a corner of the mess hall having a quick  
snack and watching as L'Naym bustled about with several young people.

Today Kevin Wood was turning ten and a birthday party was being put together for him. L'Naym, as many of her crewmates  
had discovered, was a consummate hostess who could never resist planning a celebration. She had also become a favorite  
with the children on board. She had appointed herself in charge of the party preparations and enlisted their eager help.

Just now she was busily fastening colored streamers to the walls. With her was Elizabeth Matthews who had organized the  
streamers and made sure that there was plenty of blue. From her father, Petty Officer Greg Matthews, the twelve year old  
had inherited a calm, organized nature. From her meteorologist mother she had inherited a love of the sky which often  
translated into a love for the color blue which, fortunately, her best friend, Kevin, shared.

"It's a shame that D'Ray's not here!" L'Naym said as she finished with the wall she had been working on.

"Who's D'Ray?" asked Elizabeth.

"She's my cousin and Soul Sibling. And she's also one of the best fashion designers and celebration organizers on Nlia.  
"The things she can do with fabrics and decorations…" She smiled fondly. "If she were here now she would throw a true  
'bash', I think the word is!"

Connor McDowell, who was standing nearby putting up several pictures looked intrigued. "Do you think she could put  
together an animal party for my birthday?" The mischievous eight year old was passionate in his love for animals.

"I'm sure she could" L'Naym said brightly. "She lives in Oslamth, our world's capital. One of the many things that city is  
famous for is its zoological parks. And every year it also hosts a massive livestock and exotic pet symposium in which  
animals from all over Nlia, not to mention other planets, are displayed and exchanged."

Connor's eyes widened. "Oooohh! I wanna go there!"

His fourteen year old sister, Melissa, who was decorating the furniture, gave him an amused look. She was friendly girl  
with a quick smile and always ready to put a word in. "And you'd probably buy about a dozen new animals for that zoo  
you've already got in our quarters!

Eleven year old Anna Mayberry came out of the kitchen. She had a sharp, active mind and loved to be around machines.  
"Mrs. L'Naym, Natasha said the cake's ready. Trisha keeps trying to eat the cookies. And Mr. Gavor's complaining again.  
He said that if we don't get out of his kitchen he's going to serve all of _us_ up for the party."

L'Naym chuckled. "I'm on my way. I'll see if I can convince him to change his mind." As she made her way toward the kitchen  
she flashed Kirk one of her brilliant smiles which he returned.

He looked back at the rest of the children as they continued their decorating and thought back to a conversation that he  
and his two Nlian friends had had after the disastrous encounter with the _Enterprise._

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_Alyen and L'Naym's quarters_

_After dinner L'Naym briefly excused herself saying that she had to go to Petty Officer Mayberry's quarters for a minute._

_"What's up with Mayberry?" Kirk asked as he helped Alyen tidy up._

_"Lieutenant Deerhorn's working Beta shift this week and we'll be babysitting her daughter tonight and tomorrow."  
He gave a rueful smile. "Apparently my flute and Shylea's singing are one of the few things that she'll be still for.  
Shylea was going to get her right after our shift ended."_

_Kirk's eyes widened. "You guys __**did**__ have plans for this evening. And I interrupted them."_

_"It was no trouble," Alyen assured him. "She told Mayberry that an emergency had come up and asked if she  
could watch Trisha for a few hours. Both she and Deerhorn said it would be fine." He met the Captain's eyes.  
"Besides, you needed to talk and what are friends for?"_

_After a few minutes, L'Naym came back with her charge, a three year old with bright inquisitive eyes and a long  
mane of thick, red curls _

_"Say hello to the Captain, Trisha," L'Naym said._

_Upon seeing Kirk, Trisha's eyes widened. "Captain Kirk? Mrs. Mayberry said you were sad."_

_"I guess I have been a little," Kirk said with a sad smile._

_"We're gonna take care of you so you won't be sad anymore," the little girl said firmly._

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

Kirk finished his snack and stood up to return to the bridge. He chuckled as he watched the children bustling about  
and chattering among themselves. Even when he didn't directly interact with them, seeing them never failed to make  
him smile.

_You guys and the rest of the crew do take care of me_, he thought. _**Very**__ good care._


	49. Near Tragedy

_Captain's Log _  
_Stardate 2259.4.5_

_The Saratoga has arrived at Tali, an M class world where we'll enjoy three days of shore leave before heading to __our next assignment.  
The planet is a Xindi-Aboreal colony and happens to be the home of J'norg who was Captain __of the U.S.S. Delphis, the first ship  
of the Delphis class. I hope I'll get the change to meet him while I'm here._

_In the meantime, Lieutenant M'Ress is eager for the chance to polish up on her Xindi and the rest of the crew's just as eager to see  
the sights. I understand that the trees on this world are incredible!_

_James T. Kirk. _

* * *

There was a lot of talking and laughter from the riverbank a short distance from the main settlement. Aboreal Xindi didn't like  
water but the same couldn't be said for the crew of the _Saratoga_. Several of the first group of crewmembers to beam down had  
gathered there to seek refuge from the sticky heat of the afternoon.

L'Naym walked along the edges of the gathering, watching as her crewmates swam or simply sat dangling their feet in the water.  
It looked inviting but when her friend, Lieutenant Richards, had beckoned her to join them, she'd declined. Ordinarily she would  
have welcomed being in the water. Growing up in the Southern Lands of Nlia she was used to the hot dry heat of the desert.  
The heat of Tali was very humid and muggy and after only a few minutes outside she'd felt damp with sweat.

But while a swim was definitely tempting, the bustle and chatter of her crewmates deterred her for now. As much as she enjoyed  
being around people there were occasions when she wanted solitude and this was one of them.

Part of it was that she wanted to share this world with her lifemate first. She knew that he'd love it; Tali was very much like  
the Northern Lands of his birth, with its thick forests of tall stately trees. At the moment though, he was assisting Dr. McCoy  
and wouldn't be able to beam down until later this evening.

L'Naym looked around at the vast trees surrounding her. They were so tall and thick that the Xindi had built their dwellings  
within them, creating an elaborate network of tree houses. Even as she watched she saw faces peering out from various windows  
or figures leaning against banisters. Some of the crew, she knew, had opted out of a swim to explore the tree city.

She couldn't help but shake her head in wonder. A city of trees. So different from the city of her birth. She smiled as she pictured  
it in her mind's eye. Khasha, the great City of Towers and the second largest city on Nlia. Home to its to its finest metalworkers  
and engineers, famous for its spires and gates, and for millennia the focal point of the great desert caravans.

She had loved the city of her birth but she'd also loved the changing horizon. A love that another dear to her had shared.  
As she had often over the past few days, L'Naym's thoughts turned to her mother's mother, Faroma Cavee. A master caravan  
scout and a wanderer through and through, her greatest joy had been to travel.

L'Naym had inherited that love and as a child had loved nothing more than to travel with her grandmother. How she had loved  
to ride beside her on the magnificent caravans as they traveled through the great deserts! And more than anything she had  
wanted to know as much as the wise scout knew, see as many things as she had seen and meet as many people as she had met.  
A skilled astronomer Faroma had also passed on to her granddaughter a love of the stars. A love that many years later would  
take her off world.

It had been three years since Faroma had died and L'Naym missed her still.

So, no cheerful gatherings for her just yet. For now she wanted somewhere cool but quiet. A quiet place to reflect on the things  
that had made her who she was and all of the incredible changes that had come in her life.

She thought of the cool dimness of the large underground chambers beneath the Tree City and remembered someone mentioning  
that there were fountains and herb gardens down there that were open to the public. She nodded to herself in decision and headed  
toward the closest dwelling trees. A quiet visit to some indoor gardens was exactly what she needed right now.

The moment that followed, in the years to come, she would think back on as another that would change her life forever.

A scream ripped out from among the branches high overhead. Startled by the sound, she looked up.

Lieutenant Deerhorn was framed in one of the topmost windows, nine stories upward. She was leaning out from a broken banister  
and her normally calm face was twisted into a mask of sheer horror as she reached out. Something was falling just out of her reach.  
L'Naym felt herself beginning to wonder what the security officer could possibly have dropped.

Then she saw the 'bundle's' flailing limbs. She saw the stream of red hair. She heard the terrified 'Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

And in that half second, time stopped.

_Trisha!_

There wasn't time to think, only act.

She broke into a sprint, eyes fixed on the tiny form plummeting toward the ground. Above her, Deerhorn was still screaming,  
the primal cry of a mother's desperation.

She hurled herself forward both arms out. She caught just a brief glimpse of Trisha's small face_…_before the child slammed into  
her with the force of a forging hammer, throwing her backwards and causing her to strike the ground with a jarring thud.

L'Naym found herself flat on her back, the pavement digging roughly into it, a small but warm weight on her chest and a mop  
of red over her face.

The weight on top of her moved. Trisha squirmed and sat up, blood gushing from her nose where she'd hit L'Naym's chest.  
She gulped a breath of air and began to whimper. And then her whimpers built into loud wails.

Time returned to normal. Only then did L'Naym realize the enormity of what had happened. Only then did the horror grip her  
and she begin to shake violently.

As she slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around the screaming child she was dimly aware that Deerhorn had stopped screaming  
and was frantically calling Trisha's name. Dimly aware of the crowd forming around them, of people asking if they were alright,  
of someone_…_Lieutenant M'Ress_…_telling her not to move and urgently calling for Dr. McCoy on her Comm.

_*Shylea!*_

She felt her lifemate frantically reaching out to her through their Bond.

_*Beloved!*_

He had felt _something_ happen, had felt her shock and horror, but while still onboard the _Saratoga_ he was too far away to communicate  
more than his concern. She reached back to him trying to convey without words that she was alright. That the danger had passed.

The danger_…_Trisha_…_Her little face was smeared with blood_…_It could have been_…_

Her shaking increased. She clutched the wailing Trisha more tightly and began to both weep and laugh. And once she started  
she couldn't stop.


	50. Near Tragedy (Saratoga)

_Saratoga MedBay_

McCoy was busy writing up a report on the procedure he'd just performed. Belzoni and Alyen were busy  
tidying up.

The current patient was Petty Officer Brandon Holster from Engineering. Physically very strong he often  
handled heavy repairs and today while in the midst of such an endeavor he'd fallen down a Jeffries tube.  
Always determined to finish what he started he would have stayed to complete the repairs if he hadn't been  
practically dragged to sickbay by Lieutenant Patariki.

After reluctantly submitting to an exam he'd learned that he'd suffered an arm fracture. He had undergone  
a session with an osteo-regenerator and now sat on a bio bed with his family beside him. Normally quiet  
and soft spoken he was the complete antithesis of his wife, the loud, boisterous Maria Holster, who was now  
trying to reassure their anxious daughter.

"You worry too much, _mia hija,"_ she said as she put an arm around Natasha. "You always have."

"Your mom's right," Holster said gently. "Dr. McCoy says I'll be just fine so wipe that frown off of your  
pretty face."

McCoy, for his part, had no intention of wiping the frown off of his face; he was scowling thunderclouds.  
"Yeah, you'll be fine," he practically shouted. "No thanks to your idiocy!"

Belzoni shared an amused _Here it comes look_ with Alyen.

"What in _blazes _were you thinking!?," the doctor bellowed. "Telling Patariki that you'd finish repairs first  
and come to see me _after your shift!_? You'd just fallen a story! A person can break something falling off  
of a one foot step ladder! You _always_ come to sickbay _immediately_ after an accident! _I'll_ decide if you need  
it or not!"

Sheepishly Holster tried to explain. "I'm sorry, Doctor. But at the time I was just a little sore and I didn't think  
I needed-"

"_I_ do the thinking when it comes to anything medical on this rustbucket! And _I'll_ tell you _what_ you need and _when_  
you need it!"

McCoy's tirade was broken by a sudden gasp and then a loud crash as Alyen dropped the tray he'd been holding.  
The young medic clutched his head. _"Shylea!"_ he gasped.

Emotions and sensations poured through their Bond.

_*A flash of startlement_…  
_A surge of shock and horror…  
Sudden physical exertion mixed with desperation…_  
_Something hard slamming into her body…_  
_Shock… horror…hysteria…mixed with relief…*_

Frantically he reached out to his lifemate. _*Beloved!* _

He was only vaguely aware that everyone in sickbay was talking at once.

"Mr. Alyen?"

"Crewman?"

"What happened?"

"Tuskaro? What's wrong?"

"What the hell's going on!?"

He felt rough hands, Dr. McCoy's, grabbing his shoulders. "Tuskaro! Talk to me! What happened?"

He seized on to the physical contact even as he felt his lifemate's mind-touch enfold him. "Shylea…" he managed.

"_What happened_?" the doctor asked again, pressing for information. "Is she hurt?"

"She_…"_ the Nlian swallowed, desperately struggling for focus. "I felt her fear_…_her horror. Something terrible's  
happened." He began to shake as he felt his lifemate's faint, jumbled response. "She trying to let me know that  
she's alright_…_But she's not, she's in shock and in pain. I have to go to her!"

At that moment McCoy received a call.

_'Doctor McCoy. Doctor McCoy please acknowledge_.'

Everyone in the room _knew_ that it had something to do with the Nlian's lifemate and apprehension gripped them all.

McCoy hurried to and snatched the nearest comm unit. "McCoy here," he replied.

_'Lieutenant M'Ress, sir, I'm on the surface. There's been an accident. Trisha Deerhorn fell out of a nine story window.'_

Natasha gasped in horror.

_'She's alive; Crewman L'Naym caught her but they're both badly shaken. Trisha's screaming; she definitely has  
a broken nose and probably other injuries. L'Naym's bleeding from where she fell back and hit the road and she's  
showing signs of shock. Please get to the transporter room ASAP.'_

"On my way." Snatching up a medikit and bellowing for Alyen to follow him, McCoy made for the door.

As they hurried to the transporter room McCoy could tell that although the Nlian was struggling to maintain his  
professionalism he was frantic with worry about his lifemate. "Keep it together, Crewman_,"_ he said brusquely.  
"You're no good to anyone if you lose it."

"Yes, Doctor," Alyen managed.

When they reached the transporter room, McCoy noticed that Crewman Dalin was in charge. _A good choice _he thought  
off-handedly. The Risian was outgoing and flirtatious, but calm and confident about anything pertaining to work.

They both stepped on to the transporter padd and beamed down.

* * *

Moments later they arrived at the coordinates and were greeted with the sight of a large crowd gathered by a road  
at the base of one of the dwelling trees.

Among the crowd Petty Officer Oak was trying to restrain a frantic Deerhorn. "Calm down, Monica," he kept saying.  
"You have to let the doctor examine her before moving her."

L'Naym was sitting on the pavement, clutching a shrieking, bloody faced Trisha and shaking violently. M'Ress was  
kneeling beside her with a hand on her shoulder, speaking to her quietly. The Caitian looked up with relief as the  
two approached. "Hurry, Doctor. From what she's told me she didn't so much as catch Trisha as the child fell on her."

Scowling and ordering Alyen to keep back for the moment, McCoy knelt beside his patients and brought out  
his instruments.

"Trisha, "L'Naym gasped, her dark skinned face was unnaturally pale and tear streaked. "You have to check  
Trisha first."

"_I'm_ the CMO here," McCoy snapped. But he did scan the little girl first. "She's got a broken nose all right and she  
bit through her lip. She took some heavy bruising when she fell on you but aside from her nose nothing else seems  
to be broken." He managed a brief twitch of his lips. "And just from hearing her set of lungs I'd say she'll be fine."

Deerhorn was at last allowed to approach and retrieve her daughter. After managing to convince the shaking Nlian  
to relinquish the child, McCoy focused all of his attention on L'Naym. "Your left clavicle is fractured and so is your  
right third rib. You've got contusions on your sternum and you took some heavy bruising." He frowned as checked  
behind her. "You've also got some nasty scrapes on your back." He noted her trembling and gently squeezed her  
right shoulder. "And you're definitely in shock," he said softly. "We need to get you both back to the ship."

Alyen was finally allowed to approach. He hurried to his lifemate and enfolded her in a gentle embrace. "Beloved…"

"I'll be all right," she whispered. "I just need you to hold me."

"Don't hold her too tight," McCoy instructed. _"Saratoga_, five to beam up."

* * *

Notes  
_Mi hija_= 'My daughter' in Spanish


	51. Captain's Visit

_Medbay_  
_Several hours later_

Kirk wearily made his way toward medbay. He'd spent hours talking to the Xindi who were eager to keep today's nearly fatal  
mishap from becoming a diplomatic incident. The Xindi Council were on the colony's administrators and the administrators  
were on the building inspectors on rather or not the building in question had been up to par. He was worn out from all of it  
and it still wasn't over by a longshot.

For now though he was taking a break to check on two of his crewmates.

As he entered medbay he noticed Deerhorn sleeping in a chair beside her daughter's biobed. He mentally reviewed what he knew  
of her. Born Monica Pierson in Manitoba, Canada. Early-thirties. Her records indicated that she was dedicated and fearless.  
Those who knew her all agreed that she was straightforward and to the point. Never picked fights but always stood her ground.

Her previous assignment had been the _U.S.S. Arbiter_ where she'd met and married Lieutenant Karl Deerhorn, who like her was  
also in Security. A little over a year after their marriage Trisha had been born. A missile cruiser that patrolled hostile areas was  
obviously no place to raise a child and she and her husband had been in the middle of applying for transfers when he was killed  
in a planetary skirmish, leaving her a widow with five month old daughter. She had transferred to the _Saratoga _where she had  
been ever since.

Kirk made his way over to the biobed and looked down at the sleeping little girl. _You never got to know your dad either, _he thought  
sadly. _But at least he got to know _you_ for a few months, which is more than mine did._ He frowned. _Your mom lost him__ and today  
she nearly lost you. We all nearly did._ He noted the steady rising and falling of her chest with satisfaction.

He noticed McCoy approaching. "How is she, Bones?" he asked softly so as not to wake mother or daughter.

McCoy led him away a distance. "She'll be fine. I repaired her nasal fracture and the bruising, but I'm keeping her overnight for  
observation." He managed a smirk. "She stopped screaming right after I gave her a pain killer and started bossing me around."

Kirk smiled. "Almost as ornery as you, huh, Bones?"

McCoy's face softened. "She's one tough little girl."

"She's one _lucky_ little girl," Kirk said quietly. "If Shylea hadn't been there…"

"Captain?" L'Naym had been dozing on another biobed and upon hearing their voices sat up. Alyen who'd been hovering nearby  
quickly moved to her side. "How's Trisha?" she asked urgently.

Kirk made his way over to her. "She's fine, thanks to you." He looked the Nlian in the eyes. "You saved her life, Shylea,"  
he said softly.

"I know," the botanist replied just as softly. She looked over at the exhausted mother. "Lieutenant Deerhorn's thanked me over  
and over."

Kirk looked at McCoy. "How's my botanist doing, Doctor?"

"I repaired the fractures, scrapes and bruising and with a little rest she'll be fine. She had a nasty shock today so I'm keeping  
her overnight too. She's off duty tomorrow and on light duty for the next day or so. I'm also recommending she have a couple  
of sessions with Sanchez."

"Doctor?"

Everyone looked back at L'Naym. "My people believe that if you save someone's life they become part of you and you of them,"  
she said softly. "And more then that, they become yours. Someone who saves another's life is called a _Tunaren-_ Second Parent,  
because if you save someone, you've given them life for a second time so you become their parent and they become your child  
as much as if they were your own flesh.

"Healers understand that better than anyone because they save many lives. It's one of the reasons why healers have always  
been greatly esteemed on my world. In fact one of the words for healer is _Tunarenmel-_Parent of Many. Every single person that  
a healer helps regards that healer as a father or mother and healers in turn regard everyone they've helped as their sons and  
daughters."

Her sea-green eyes locked with McCoy's hazel ones. "Have you ever felt…overwhelmed when you save someone? When you look  
at your 'son' or 'daughter' afterwards and realize that the only reason they're still alive…is because of you?"

McCoy nodded solemnly. "Sometimes."

L'Naym was every bit as solemn. "I feel _very_ overwhelmed now. When I think about what could have happened…" She looked  
over at Trisha. "What if I hadn't been there? What if I'd been too late? What if I hadn't caught her?" She swallowed hard, her eyes  
moistening. "That precious little life…"

Kirk gently put his hand on her shoulder. "But you _were_ there and you _did_ catch her. And that precious little life is safe. Focus on that."

She nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Captain."

"Get some rest." Kirk looked at Alyen. "Take care of her, Crewman. That's an order."

Alyen managed a slight smile. "Yes, Captain."

Kirk turned to McCoy. "I've got to go. I've some more meetings with the administrators."

McCoy smirked. "Bet you're _really_ looking forward to that."

"Not. I won't be finished until late tonight and I've got even more meetings tomorrow."

As the two men made their way toward the exit, Kirk gave his CMO a sly grin. "You've saved a lot of lives, Bones, so that means  
you're a father several times over."

McCoy gave him one of his trademark scowls. "Get out of my sick bay, Jim."

Kirk's smile turned mischievous. "And you've patched me up a few times so I guess I should start calling you Dad."

"Get out of my sick bay, Jim."

Kirk looked back over at Trisha and his expression once again grew solemn. "And I guess that means Shylea's a mom now.  
I've a feeling she'll be a good one."

It was McCoy's turn to look thoughtful. "You're probably right."

Kirk headed toward the door then turned around. "See you around. _Dad._"

He ducked out before the doctor could throw something at him.


	52. Reflections and Stories

_Captain's Personal Log_  
_Stardate 2259: 4.15_

_The Saratoga is conducting atmospheric and biological studies on Mursen, a J class world the size of Saturn.  
Like all gas giants it has an atmosphere consisting of zones that vary in temperature and composition.  
The upper middle levels, which we have dubbed the Life Zone, are filled with life and populated by all manner  
of incredible creatures that spend their entire lives flying or floating._

_On our previous planetary missions we were assisting other research teams. This time we're conducting  
the research by ourselves and leaving info and recommendations for future teams. Well we'll certainly  
be leaving a lot!_

_I've ordered us into a near orbit which is simple for our ship's class. Delphis class ships are one of the few  
in the fleet with the ability to land on a planet's surface. And even if we don't land, because of our smaller  
size and weight we can easily enter a planets' atmosphere. I'm strongly tempted to do that during our time  
here but want to get more info about the planet first._

_I learned quite a few interesting things about the Delphis class during my time on Tali. I spent nearly the entire  
time there in meetings with administrators and inspectors but I did get a chance to speak with J'norg, Commander  
of the first Delphis class ship, the USS Delphis, which he commanded for ten years._

_Filars told me that the Saratoga has a lot of stories and I learned quite a few of them from J'norg. The Delphis  
was first launched in 2240 and focused on biological research. The Saratoga was launched that same year and  
focused on the study of planetary ecosystems. The Hakata launched in 42' and studied astronomical phenomena,  
with a focus on anomalies._

_Even through Delphis class ships were easy to construct, Starfleet didn't see the need for a lot of them at first;  
they were still firmly latched on to the 'bigger is better' idea. (I'm in no position to judge, I felt the same once)  
And many regarded such tiny ships as little more than a joke. And so for years those three were the only ones  
of their class in the Fleet. Captain Richard Evans, commander of the Hakata, liked to call them the Three Musketeers._

_The Delphis, the Saratoga and the Hakata. Three glorified shuttlepods that for twelve years quietly conducted  
scientific surveys and were virtually ignored while the larger ships flew around on 'important' missions and got  
all of the glory._

_But despite being either ignored, or regarded as a joke, the Musketeers handled themselves well. Their work  
was unsung but they did it well enough that eventually Starfleet decided that it was worth their while to make  
more and began construction on other Delphis class ships._

_And it wasn't a moment too soon. In '53 the Delphis was fatally damaged when it was caught in unexpected  
gravity waves. The following year the Hakata was decommissioned after it was severely damaged in an ion storm.  
There are now currently four Delphis class ships in the Fleet: the Andaman, which focuses on astronomical phenomena,  
the Actium, which focuses on geological studies, the Adriatic, which focuses on biomedical research and the Saratoga,  
the oldest surviving member of her class. The last of the Three Musketeers. _

_Well I've a feeling she's not ready to retire anytime soon. And I don't think she's out of stories yet either._

_Stories._

_When I spoke to Omar yesterday he said that life is made up of countless stories and the large stories are made  
up of countless small ones. He's right and if there's anything I've learned from commanding the Saratoga it's  
that small stories can have as big an impact as the large ones. Too often, though we ignore the small stories  
in favor of the large ones. _

_The planet Vulcan is destroyed. That's a story that everyone knows. But how many are aware of all the small  
stories that make it up? Of each individual life affected by it?_

_A famous Starfleet captain is raped during shore leave and then abandoned by his own crew. Another story  
that everyone knows. But how many know (aside from Bones, Pike and my new crew) just how much damage  
was caused by it or how much it still hurts?_

_Three small research vessels spend years quietly performing scientific surveys. A story that most don't know  
but who knows how many lives have been affected or still will be as a result?_

_A three year old girl is nearly killed falling from a nine story window. That's another story that most people  
don't know. If she had died the story wouldn't have gotten much, if any notice in the annals of Federation history.  
But it would have had a devastating effect none the less. _

_Deerhorn is anything but a weak person; she'd once considered joining the Marines but decided on Starfleet instead.  
And she doesn't get shaken easily. In fact she told me that she's only cried twice in her life. The first time was when  
she lost her husband. The second was when she nearly lost her daughter. And she's only screamed once in her life-  
when the bannister that her daughter was leaning on broke and she saw her fall._

_It's been ten days since the accident and I'm grateful for the resilience of youth. Trisha bounced back quickly  
and is as spirited and iron willed as ever. And every day since the accident I've been reminded of just how vital  
she is both to her mother and to this crew._

_Shylea was thoughtful and pensive for a few days but she bounced back quickly too and is as cheerful as before.  
But there is a change. While she had never been shallow before, there's an added depth to her now. She told me  
that what happened reminded her of how fragile life is. How precious each person is and how important every  
single moment with them is. She had always been friendly and gregarious but now she seems to have made  
it her self-appointed mission to be friend and morale booster to everyone on this ship; to make their moments  
happy and to remind them of how special each and every one of them is._

_Every member of the caravan is vital and so is every story or contribution no matter how small. In fact the small  
ones are sometimes the most important ones._

_James T Kirk_

* * *

Kirk finished his log and looked over at the clock. 1820 hours. After a busy day of running a ship, he'd had  
a quick meal in the Mess Hall with Bones and then headed to his quarters to make some entries in his personal log.

It was now time for some quiet evening enjoyment.

After taking off his uniform and putting on civilian clothing he headed to the turbolift and made his way down  
to Deck 5 where the ship's botanical facilities where located: a tiny arboretum and a small botanical bay where  
plant hydroponics, aeroponics and ordinary geoponics were practiced.

As he entered the bay he paused to enjoy the scent of soil and plants. _The scent of life_, L'Naym called it.  
Looking around he quickly spotted who he was looking for.

L'Naym was working in her small private garden which she had filled with several vegetables, herbs and flowers.  
Alyen was helping her and so was Trisha. Kirk silently made another note of the things that the spirited little girl  
would be still for.

"Hey guys. Is it ok if I join you?"

Their welcoming smiles were answer enough and he headed over to them.

Helping friends work in their garden was a small story but just as vital as a big one. And simple moments were  
often the most precious.


	53. Cloud World

_4/17/2259  
Waverider  
__Upper atmosphere of Mursen_

Kirk carefully piloted the _Waverider_ through the endless cloudscape of Mursen admiring the brilliant colors of the sunset.  
Mursen's rotational period lasted approximately twenty Earth days. So the planet, in a sense, had ten days of daylight  
and ten days of night. In the week since they'd arrived, the _Saratoga_ had confined its studies to the day section of the planet.  
Today they were beginning studies of the night side and Kirk had decided that he would take the _Waverider_ to personally  
greet the sunset.

For the Engineering post he had picked Crewman Dalin because, in addition to being very good with transporters, the Risian  
was also a very good sensor analyst. Off duty he was gregarious and an incurable flirt but on duty he was all business.

Manning Operations was Ensign Zbrush from Kronar II. Capable, intelligent and focused, his blue face seldom looked up from  
the controls. He had originally served on the _U.S.S. Mayflower_, which had been part of the task force sent to Vulcan. But when  
the ill fated mission had been called he had been visiting his home planet for a family gathering. He had returned to learn that  
everyone he had served with for over a year was dead. Kirk had on occasion tried to get him to open up but he was very guarded  
and private.

Crewman Andr sat at Science. Her broad smile, as well as the way her green skin glowed slightly, showed that she was greatly  
enjoying this assignment. She loved all manner of avian creatures and was fascinated with the dynamics of physical flight.  
She was quiet but eager and could sometimes get so mono-focused she ignored her surroundings.

As they soared above and through the clouds, Kirk briefly pondered what might be beneath them. So far the _Saratoga _had confined  
its studies to the topmost layers of the Life Zone - the highest levels of the clouds and the skies above them. Scans and probes  
had revealed an abundance of large life forms in the deeper levels as well, but he was leery of sending shuttles down there due  
to the increased heat and pressures, plus virtual zero visibility.

But there would be time enough to figure out how to do more thorough studies of the deeper levels later. For now the top levels  
provided ample wonders to keep them occupied. Both the climatologists and meteorologists had collected fascinating data.  
And the biologists and zoologists had been up to their eyebrows in work as well.

So far the _Saratoga_ had catalogued hundreds of different species of countless shapes and sizes ranging from the size of a mouse  
to larger than the _Saratoga _itself. Every one of them was born for the air and every one of them spent their entire lives in or above  
the clouds.

All of the creatures had air bladders filled with hydrogen to maintain buoyancy in the dense gasses of the cloud planet. Some used  
wings to fly. Others used a form of jet propulsion to move through the clouds much like the way squid propelled themselves through  
water on Earth. Others simply floated wherever the winds took them.

At the bottom of the food chain were clusters of photo-plankton and algae which also floated, some invisibly and others in huge  
forest-like clusters. The larger creatures fed on the plankton and algae, although some also metabolized natural chemicals. There  
didn't seem to be much in the way of predation. Any creatures that shuttles had flown by had either ignored them or been simply curious.

The 300 meter balloon-like creature they had passed moments ago, and which bore slight resemblance to a jelly fish, was of the first  
kind. It was definitely an animal but simply floated wherever the winds took it. It fed off of natural chemicals and didn't seem to have  
any but the most rudimentary intelligence.

The large herd of what they had dubbed Cloud Whales, and where currently following at a distance, were definitely intelligent.  
So far they seemed to be the largest creatures of the 'surface', ranged between 200-400 meters in length with, a long cylinder-like  
appearance. They propelled themselves through the air with flipper like-appendages and traveled in herds of up to three dozen or more.

Also in scattered groups nearby were what Kirk called the Cloud Condors. They were about 60 meters in length, avian in appearance  
with long leathery wings.

Both groups of creatures were heading in the direction of the rapidly disappearing sun and seemed to be in a hurry.

"They don't seem to want to be in the dark," Kirk remarked to Andr.

I've noticed that too, sir," she said. "Both the Whales and Condors have been increasing their speed and the Whales are coming closer  
together."

"Captain," Zbrush's voice cut in. "Sensors picking up movement coming from below us."

"Affirmative, Captain," Dalin confirmed his normally cheerful face set in a thoughtful frown. "I'm reading multiple life forms approaching  
from the lower levels. They're big and they're fast."

Abruptly all of their ears were assailed with eerie high pitched cries and then streams of new creatures burst out from beneath the clouds.  
They were over 100 meters in length, with taloned wings and mouths that seemed to be all teeth.

Several of them raced toward the balloon-like creature and proceeded to tear at it with their talons and rows of teeth. The rest of them  
streaked after the fleeing Whales and Condors. Two of them made a beeline for the _Waverider. _

"Hang on!" Kirk yelled as his hands raced over the controls. The _Waverider_ took off with the predators in close pursuit.

They had noticed that the more intelligent animals in the vicinity had been rapidly heading in the direction of the setting sun and now  
they knew why- They had been trying to stay on the dayside of the planet. They had known what was coming.

This planet _did_ have predators. Very large ones in fact. During the day they stayed in the lower levels of the atmosphere. During the night  
they came up to hunt. And the _Waverider _was out in it.


	54. Deadly Chase

"Hold on!" Kirk yelled as he piloted the _Waverider_ ever higher. "We're in the stratosphere now. Those things shouldn't be able  
to follow us once we reach the Mesosphere."

Abruptly all of their ears were once again assailed with piercing screams. Much louder than before.

Three things happened simultaneously. Zbrush cried out in pain and clutched his head. Several of the controls flashed erratically.  
The _Waverider_ abruptly lurched and then began to descend.

"Captain, what happened?" Dalin shouted.

Kirk cursed as he fought with the controls. "I can't maintain ascent! Something about their scream messed up the controls!  
I've got to try to elude them another way!"

Putting the _Waverider_ into a steep dive he passed right by one of the pursuing predators. It slashed at the _Waverider's  
_streaking form but missed.

Kirk pulled out of his dive, flying in the other direction. He took a moment to glance at Zbrush. "Ensign, are you alright?"

The Kronaran was obviously shaken but his face was set and his hands moved determinedly over the controls. "I'm fine, sir."

"_Saratoga!"_ Kirk yelled into his comm. _"Saratoga_ do you read us?"

There was no answer.

"I can't get anything, Captain." Zbrush said.

"It's the scream they emit," Dalin put in. "It's sonic. It's disrupting our controls and communications."

Kirk pushed more controls. "Our weapons are offline too."

Andr was anxiously going over her readings. "It must be one of the ways they hunt. Their cry disorients and weakens their prey."

Kirk noticed that too. Most of the…Cloud Sharks…as he mentally dubbed them were racing after the Condors. Whenever one  
homed in on one, it emitted a piercing cry which caused the Condor to falter, enabling the Shark to catch it and tear it to pieces.

"Dalin!" he yelled, "give me all fuel cells!"

"Aye, Captain."

"We can't fire and we can't go to higher altitudes but this baby still knows a few tricks!"

At the approach of two other Sharks he shot upward once more. He waited until their pursuers were directly below them  
before once again plunging into a steep dive. The Sharks veered sharply nearly running into each other instead of their quarry.

Kirk leveled the _Waverider_ and once again pushed her forward at full throttle. They raced towards the retreating sunlight.

Light…they needed light. These creatures only came out when it was dark. If they could just reach the light they might be safe.

"Captain," Zbursh said grimly. "More of those predators are coming. A lot of them."

Kirk looked at his readings which confirmed the approach of at least fifty more Sharks rapidly closing in. Once again he tried  
to pull the _Waverider_ higher, and once again was unsuccessful.

"It's no good, Captain," Dalin said. 'The system's shot."

"We're not finished yet, Crewman," Kirk said grimly, "And one of the first things that you should learn about me is that I don't  
believe in no-win scenarios!"

Determinedly he pushed the _Waverider_ forward. From his calculations it would be a few more minutes before their pursuers  
reached them and hopefully they could come up with some more options. Up ahead he noticed the fleeing Cloud Whales. At the  
moment they weren't being attacked; the Sharks close to them earlier had apparently been satisfied with the Condors. But no  
doubt that would change soon.

All of the Whales were bunched together in one vast group but as the _Waverider_ approached, two of the Whales on the outer  
parameter abruptly moved away from the group. They approached the runabout, one on either side, and tried to nudge it toward  
the others.

"They're trying to move us," Kirk said. "They're herding us toward their group."

"They're trying to protect us," Andr gasped.

"I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth," Kirk said. "Besides there's safety in numbers."

As they drew closer many in the herd moved aside for them until they were in the center of the group. They noticed that there  
were three juveniles in the center as well. Once the _Waverider_ was inside, the rest of the adult Whales once again bunched up  
tightly together.

"This is how they defend themselves," despite her fear Andr couldn't contain her wonder. "They live in herds and if they're attacked  
the entire herd comes together with their young in the center."

Kirk nodded. "The _Waverider's_ about 23 meters long. That's about the size of their smallest young." He chuckled in grim amusement.  
"They're treating us like herd juveniles."

"Captain," Zbrush said urgently. "Those predators are nearly here."

Kirk nodded. "Let's hope that these Whales are good at protecting their young."

The Shark Hoard arrived but they didn't attack. Instead they surrounded the fleeing herd and began to emit their sonic screams.  
The noise was deafening, but this time the _Waverider's_ functions didn't fluctuate and although Zbursh was obviously in pain he didn't  
seem to be as bad off as before.

"Captain, the Whales are emitting natural discharges," Dalin said as he looked at his readings. "When enough of them are together  
it acts like shielding."

"Let's hope it lasts until we reach the light," Kirk said.

The _Saratoga_ and the Whale herd continued to flee towards the sunlight. The herd's shields seemed to be holding but more  
and more Sharks were approaching and their sonic screams grew ever louder. Some of the Whales began to falter.

"Their shields have limits," Kirk noted. "And those Sharks are not giving up. Dalin how much longer until we've reached sunlight?"

"Not for another 20 minutes."

More Sharks approached. Their combined screams were deafening as well as terrifying and more Whales faltered. Zbursh once again  
moaned in pain and Kirk didn't need Dalin to inform him that the herd's shielding was rapidly weakening.

Abruptly one of the Whales, the largest in the group, broke away from the herd and took off in the opposite direction.

"What's it doing?" Dalin asked in surprise. "It's unprotected."

"It's leading the Sharks away from the others," Kirk answered.

It was true. The massive Shark hoard broke off their pursuit of the herd and streaked after the fleeing loner.

"Captain, they've stopped following," Dalin said.

"They're busy with the other Whale," Kirk said quietly.

Far away they could see the lone Whale. The Hoard had it completely surrounded. Without the protection of the rest of the herd  
it stood no chance. In a massive rush the Sharks dove at it, completely covering it beneath their taloned wings.

"It sacrificed itself," Andr whispered. "Whenever a herd's attacked...if their shielding isn't enough, one of them breaks off from  
the group. The Sharks go after it and the rest of the herd has a chance to get away. It sacrificed itself so the others could live."

_Just like my father, _Kirk thought sadly.

Both the herd and the _Saratoga_ continued on. Although the Sharks were no longer pursuing they kept going as fast as they were able.  
Gradually the sky lightened and before long they reached the safety of the sunlight. Slowly the Whales broke out of their tight  
formation although they remained close together.

"We're back in the light," Kirk said. He stood and put the _Waverider_ on auto pilot. "Let's get started on repairs." He turned to  
Zbrush. "Not you, Ensign." He noted grimly that the Kronarian was pale and bleeding slightly from both ears. "I know that those  
screams hurt you. Until Dr. McCoy's had a chance to examine you, consider yourself relieved of duty and on bed rest."

Zbrush looked about to argue but his Captain's stern expression made him think better of it. "Yes, Captain."

"Head to the back and lie down," Kirk said gently. "Andr, go with him. Dalin and I will take care of repairs."

The Kronaran nodded and slowly made his way toward the rear of the craft followed by Andr.

The _Waverider_ silently continued to fly near the Whales. The creatures were not so silent; all of them were emitting a soft, mournful  
chorus, grieving for their lost member. Even as they worked Kirk and Dalin could feel the herd's sorrow.

Finally Dalin looked up from his repairs. "The mains are back online, Captain. We should be able to reach higher altitudes now."

Kirk nodded. "Let's head back," he said softly.


	55. Another Log Entry

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.1_

_Over the past couple of weeks the Saratoga has been a regular hive of activity.  
_

_After the Waverider's near miss with the Sharks, the Mini-Crew and I__ returned to the Saratoga to face Dr. McCoy's tender  
mercies. Or at least Ensign Zbrush did. **I** had to face the full brunt of said doctor's wrath._

_'Dammit Jim! Why can't you just stay onboard this ship!?'_

_'Risk is part of the job, Bones.'_

_Note to all who read this…do NOT get on that guy's bad side._

_After Bones' rantings and after being assured that Zbrush would be all right, I met first with the rest of my senior staff  
and over __the next few days, with various science and engineering staff._

_Since then we've set up several new safety protocols for the study of Mursen. Observations have shown that none  
of the creatures on this planet, __including the Sharks, can reach the Mesosphere, so I've brought the Saratoga into orbit  
there (a definite plus as far as our meteorologists are concerned) __and have temporarily turned __our research vessel  
into a research station._

_All shuttle missions are piloted by our best pilots, myself included. (Sorry Bones!) Most of them stay well on the day side  
of the planet. The Waverider is the only shuttle allowed on the night side; it's twice as big as the other shuttles and armed.  
When the Waverider does go to the night side it's__ only after our sensors determine that there are not many Sharks in the area.  
When it goes it is always __directly beneath the Saratoga which constantly monitors the team, has phasers ready in case any  
Sharks attack __and keeps a transporter lock on the team members at all times. We've also made several adjustments to  
our shuttles so as to provide __protection from sonic attacks and we're working on creating a sonic discharge that can act  
as a repellant._

_Obviously sending a shuttle into the lower depths is out, but we've made a lot of enhancements to both our sensors  
and probes. __The data we've gathered from them has been both very informative and downright scary. There are hundreds  
of large species in the lower levels and__ every single one of them is carnivorous. Life __down there is a series of violent,  
never ending hunts._

_The Sharks are actually the smallest of the predators and the only __ones able to come to the 'surface'. T__he others are too  
large and their air bladders aren't able to carry __them that high. And even if they could they apparently can only survive  
in the greater pressures beneath the 'surface.'_

_In addition to being the smallest of the predators the Sharks are also the ones __most frequently preyed on. __They come  
to the surface not only to hunt but to avoid the other predators!__ They form large packs not only to hunt but presumably  
for protection below. _

_After a successful hunt the Shark pack always splits__ apart and members fly in small groups, in pairs or alone, sometimes  
for 'days', in no hurry to go back down below. Maybe they enjoy their times of quiet and solitude during the only times  
when it's safe for them to have it. When they're ready to return to the lower depths they once again regroup before  
descending.  
_

_The floating 'Balloons' as we've dubbed them, form a large portion of the Sharks' diet. They have virtually no intelligence  
and are easy prey. Fortunately they have large numbers and a very high reproductive __rate._

_Some of the surface creatures avoid the Sharks by hiding in the floating algae forests. Others are simply too small for  
them __to bother with. __The Condors and the Cloud Whales avoid them by remaining on the day side of the planet.  
If Condors get caught on the night side they attempt to escape with their speed and agility. __If a Whale herd gets caught  
on __the night side, like the one that rescued us did, they bunch together and use their combined bioelectric discharges  
as protection. Often __that's enough, but if there's an especially large group of Sharks attacking, one of the Whales always  
sacrifices itself to lead them away._

_From what we've been able to tell, the Whales never stop growing, so the largest in the group is the oldest and it's  
the oldest __that always sacrifices itself to save the others. My former First Officer would no doubt say that such behavior  
is logical: the needs of the many __outweigh the needs of the few and it's better for the old to die than the young.  
But that doesn't make __it any easier to witness and that doesn't stop the entire herd from grieving when it happens._

_We've been sending a lot of away-missions to study the Whales. They're definitely intelligent and both our Science  
and Communications staff __have been working on ways to communicate with them. Ensign Zbrush has been a big help;  
he's very good at monitoring and translating __sound waves._

_I've been concerned about him though; I think he pushes himself too hard. I've had a couple of talks with M'ress about him.  
__She's become sort of mentor to him and is one of the only people that he'll open up too. She thinks that he's __trying to atone  
for __not being on the U.S.S. Mayflower when it was destroyed. That he feels that if he'd been there he might have been able  
keep it from being destroyed or failing that that he could have at least died with them. He didn't and so he's trying to make  
up for it by pushing himself to his limits and __executing flawlessly every order given or task __assigned. He's determined to not  
let his new crew down or to let** me** down. I've told her __to keep a close eye on him._

_The Waverider is doing more studies of the day side of the planet today. This is one time however when I won't be taking  
my 'baby' out. Today I have a more personal mission._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

Kirk completed his log, put on his flight suit and made his way toward the shuttle bay. He took a moment to first head  
over to the _Waverider _which was preparing to depart. Lieutenant Aaron Blackhawk was taking her out today. In addition  
to being a skilled pilot with a love of exploration, he was highly intelligent and exuded both confidence and ability.

Kirk briefly glanced over at the rest of today's 'Mini-Crew'. Lieutenant Mark Tracker would be at Engineering.  
Born in the Australian outback he enjoyed the outdoors and was both self confident and charismatic.

Lieutenant Harmaya Rodriguez would be at Operations. She hailed from Brazil and was married to Lieutenant Commander  
Pablo Rogriguez. Skilled in both communications and operations management she was both extremely observant  
and incredibly creative.

Lieutenant Gloria Michaels would be at Science. A passionate zoologist, the young African American woman was a close  
friend and mentor to Connor McDowell. And Kirk had no doubt that she took many images specifically for him whenever  
she was out.

"Lieutenant," he called over to Blackhawk; "Remember, no trying to sneak over to the night side."

Blackhawk smiled. "Don't worry, Captain. I'll bring your baby back without a scratch. This Mini-Crew as well."

Kirk nodded and began to walk away. He paused and looked back. "Remember, not a scratch! On anyone or anything!"

"Aye, aye, Captain."

Kirk made his way to shuttlebay where the tiny _High Tide_ awaited. Standing near it was his Chief Engineer. "You ready,  
Joyce?" he asked quietly.

Filars nodded solemnly. "Yes."


	56. Candle on the Water

_Saratoga Shuttlebay_

"I appreciate this, Jim," Filars said as she and Kirk boarded the _High Tide._

"Don't think twice about it, Joyce," Kirk said with a gentle smile. "After everything you've done for me, I consider this  
an honor."

As Kirk flew the tiny shuttle out of the hangarbay he mused how there were definite advantages to keeping the_ Saratoga  
_in a lower orbit. A lot of the crew, especially Bones, enjoyed looking out the ship's windows and seeing bright skies  
and sunlight instead of the blackness of space.

The _High Tide _descended toward the lower atmosphere of Mursen, well on the day side. As Kirk piloted among the clouds,  
it struck him once again, as it had often during the course of the _Saratoga's_ studies, how even though this planet could  
be so dangerous, it was also stunningly beautiful.

Up ahead he spotted some Cloud Whales. In the two weeks since the Shark attack the _Saratoga_ had studied hundreds  
of different herds. There were about a dozen that they kept track of specifically and which they had named as well:  
the Dancers, the Grazers, the Spinners, the Singers and, Kirk's favorite, the Lifesavers.

He quickly identified this herd as the Singers, so named because they were extremely vocal and constantly singing  
to each other. He piloted the shuttle so that they were within sight but still at a distance. Although the Whales' singing  
was beautiful, for now he didn't want a lot of distractions.

He turned his attention back to his Chief Engineer, who had been quiet since they set out. After a few minutes she slowly  
brought out a small ring box. A box that Kirk knew she opened only once a year. On this day.

"There's an old saying," she said quietly. "Big things come in small packages. Truer words where never spoken."  
She gently opened the box revealing an engagement ring. "This is only a tiny ring, but as far as I'm concerned it's worth  
more than all the silver and gold on Earth."

She slowly slipped the ring on her finger. "A tiny thing can be priceless and a few simple words can make all the difference  
in the world. Twenty-one years ago when Gordon gave this to me he said five simple words. _'Joyce, will you marry me?_'  
A slight smile appeared on her face. "Those five words made me happier than I'd ever been in my life, before or since.  
And when I said one simple word back, _'Yes,'_ I made him happier than he'd ever been in his life."

She met Kirk's eyes. "Have you ever been in love, Jim? Has your sun ever rose and set on one particular person? Have  
you looked at someone and _known_ that they are the _one?_ The one that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with?  
Have you ever loved someone so much that you can't even imagine not being with them?"

"No," Kirk said quietly. "There're a lot of people that I care about, love even. But I've never had what you and Gordon did."

Her quiet smile returned. "I hope you do someday. Because having someone to love will give you more joy than you ever  
thought possible and it will make you more alive than you ever were before."

She gave a quiet chuckle as she once again looked at the ring. "And it will certainly help you dream. Gordon and I were  
engaged for nearly a year. And during that year, as we planned our future together, we were so full of dreams that you  
could see them floating in the air above our heads.

"Most people probably wouldn't think that owing a small freighter would be the culmination of a dream. But that was ours.  
I'd always wanted to be an engineer, but I'd never been interested in joining Starfleet and while Gordon loved being in space  
he wasn't interested in Starfleet either. Our reasons were quite simple: we were both very independent, Starfleet seemed too  
much like the military and we liked the idea of going wherever we wanted, _whenever_ we wanted.

"And that was what we were going to do. He was going to be the Captain of his own ship and I would be his Chief Engineer.  
We'd even picked the ship out and the name...the _Falcon. _Gordon fell in love with her the minute he saw her. And I fell in love  
with her engines and made plans for how to make them purr better than any other engines in the Federation."

He voice dropped to a whisper. "That was our dream: Gordon Belmont, Captain and owner of the_ Falcon_ and Joyce Belmont,  
Co-owner, First Mate and Chief Engineer."

She was silent for several minutes. "Eleven days before the wedding he went on that trip. It was only going to be for two days;  
a weekend business trip to make the final payment on the _Falcon_. When I saw him off we kissed and I remember it as being  
the most tender, passionate kiss that we ever shared. I've often wondered…did we know? On some instinctive level did we  
know that in a matter of hours…?"

She paused. "He then said four words: "_I love you, Joyce'_. And I said five words back: _'I love you, too, Gordon." _

A long pause. "We'd spoken those words to each other countless times. I suppose it was only fitting that they'd be the last  
words that we'd say to each other."

An even longer pause and her next words were once again whispered. "The next day five more words were spoken to me.  
Five words that caused me to go into shock: _"Joyce, there's been an accident."_ I barely heard the words that followed but three  
_did_ penetrate. Three words that shattered me in the worse way: '_Joyce, Gordon's dead_.'

"The man that I'd loved with all my heart. The man that I was going to marry. The man that I was going to spend the rest  
of my life with…was gone. The life that we would have had together, all of our hopes and dreams…all gone. In a heartbeat."

When she looked up at her Captain her dark eyes were wet with tears. "I spent weeks first in shock, then in denial and then  
in a deep grief the likes of which I hope you never have to go through, Jim. But eventually I realized that Gordon was gone  
and nothing was going to bring him back. So I had a choice: I could either die and join him or I could try to live without him.

"I'd always been fond of old Earth movies and there was one from the late 20th century that I particularly liked: the _Shawshank  
Redemption._ There was a quote that one of the characters said that always stuck with me. _'Get busy living or get busy dying.'  
_I chose to live.

"Three months later, at the age of twenty-seven I enrolled in Starfleet Academy. The life that I would have had with Gordon  
was no longer possible so I decided to try to start a new one. I'd lost my old dreams so I decided to try to get some new ones.

"For twenty years I've done my best to do just that. Most of the time I live in the present and look to the future, but I never  
forget the past. And I never have and never will forget Gordon. And every year, on what would have been our anniversary,  
to honor him and to thank him for the time that we had together, I light a candle and set it adrift, be it on water, in space,  
or in the clouds."

Kirk nodded solemnly. "I'm honored that you'd ask me to help you, Joyce."

"What are friends for?" she replied softly. After a few minutes of silence she said. "Jim, do you think we could move the shuttle  
west? I want to get as close to the sunset as possible."

Kirk nodded and made adjustments to the controls. The _High Tide_ quickly sped westward until it arrived at an area that was  
in the stages of early sunset. Here it would be several hours before darkness fell but the clouds where gloriously lit from  
the setting sun.

Filars had produced a small glowlight from the bag she had bought with her. She carefully placed it within a clear container  
which was equipped with a tiny micro-engine. Standing, she made her way to the back of the craft and carefully placed it in  
a launcher. After returning to her seat she nodded to Kirk.

Kirk pressed the launching mechanism, releasing the container. Immediately it began to ascend upwards maintaining its steady  
glow. Eventually it would reach the thermosphere where it would disintegrate causing a tiny micro-aurora.

As they watched the glowlight slowly ascend upwards. Filars once again spoke through her tears. ""When Gordon died, part  
of me died with him. But not the part that he loved. Twenty years ago I decided to go on living, even though it would be  
without him. And I think I've done pretty well. I learned to live again. I learned to be happy again. I learned to dream again."

She wiped at her tears. "And I also realized that if I had never known him, had never loved him…I would have been far lesser.  
He helped make me a better engineer but more than that he helped make me a far better person. I hope that wherever he is…  
he knows that and is glad."

Kirk gently put his arm around his Chief Engineer's shoulders and drew her close. "I don't _think_ he does Joyce," he whispered.  
"I _know_ he does."


	57. Second Encounter

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.11_

_The Saratoga's has departed Mursen after completing its month long studies. There was a time when  
I would have been eager to be on my way to the next adventure, but I found myself a bit sorry to leave. _

_I've had a lot of talks with several Federation scientists, including Dr. William Jenkins, one of the heads  
of the Trumal Zoological Institute. He's informed me that the data we've collected is making a lot of waves  
in the scientific community and several scientists there are already making plans to send further  
research teams. So we've made certain to include plenty of recommendations and instructions  
(Not to mention the safest times to send shuttles!) _

_Research teams can spend months if not years on a particular planet. Once I would never have fathomed  
being part of them, but now, although I still prefer to sail among the stars, I can definitely understand  
the appeal. A person can spend a lifetime studying this world and its incredible creatures. A lifetime  
taking a closer look._

_On our last day several scientists took the Waverider and other shuttles out for some final excursions.  
I took the opportunity to go on a brief excursion of my own- I took the High Tide and went to visit  
the Lifesaver Herd. They were grazing in one of the larger algae forests so I took Alyen and L'Naym  
as well. _

_We spent a few hours traveling alongside the Lifesavers and when it was time to go I found myself  
a little moist eyed. The Cloud Whales, are incredible creatures. They've taught me a great deal  
and I'll miss them. Before we left I silently wished every member of their herd well._

_We're now traveling through the Omthe Sector en-route to Starbase Gemini. We'll offload our data  
there and at the same time have a few routine upgrades done. Hopefully this will be a more peaceful  
shore leave than our last one._

_We'll be passing within a few light years of a small stellar cluster on the way. We won't be close enough  
to get a good look at it, but since its very small I didn't think it was worth altering course to get closer._

_James T Kirk_

* * *

_Saratoga Bridge_

Kirk gazed around the Bridge at the different faces. He'd given himself Beta shift today. It wasn't something  
that he did often but he enjoyed being flexible and it gave him the chance to interact with different members  
of his crew. Since accepting command he'd made it his personal goal to get to know every single person  
on his ship.

Things were quiet now as the _Saratoga_ warped through space and expected to remain so until she arrived  
at her destination. So aside from him, there were only five other people on the bridge.

Piloting the _Saratoga_ was Lieutenant Harris. Beside him at Navigation sat Petty Officer Eriters, a soft-spoken,  
yet confident Rotralen male whose greatest joy was to travel.

Ensign Paul Cartwright from Trinidad sat at the Science station. He'd been part of a few Mini-Crews so Kirk  
knew him to be both adventurous and curious with a love for physics and cosmology.

Lieutenant Keisha Powell from Jamaica sat at Operations Management. A protégé of Tolliver, she was  
a calm, self assured woman, with many organizational skills. And from observing her at talent shows  
he also knew that she loved the trumpet, saxophone and anything jazz.

Lieutenant Droa Z'Rol sat at Communications. In addition to being highly intelligent and charismatic,  
the young Tkarite woman was good at lightning fast improvisation and took great delight in thinking on  
her feet.

Kirk smiled to himself. He'd heard quite a few stories both about her and from her. She was very cunning,  
very good at getting others to underestimate her and downright predatory towards a guy if she was  
interested in him. She was especially good at using her considerable beauty to her advantage.  
With her shapely form, purple-grey skin, silver-white hair and iridescent eyes she cast a striking figure  
and was firmly of the opinion that if you've got it- flaunt it!

She had an odd friendship/rivalry with Powell, and although she had several friends (and boyfriends)  
there was absolutely no love between her and Lieutenant Lorn. The Draylaxian was a firm believer in  
earning things through strength, intelligence and merit and disdainful of the idea of taking advantage  
of one's looks. Kirk thought that it probably could get annoying having people staring at your three breasts  
for most of your life.

"Captain," Lieutenant Harris spoke up from Helm.

"Yes, Mr. Harris?"

"I'm picking up a ship on our sensors." Abruptly the Helmsman stiffened. "It's the _Enterprise_, sir."

Although there were different faces this time, the reaction was the same: everyone on the bridge  
froze and all eyes turned to the Captain.

Kirk's expression didn't change. "Distance?"

"Approximately 2.5 light years."

"Course?"

"She's heading towards the Lomner Sector, sir."

"I see. I'd heard that there were some border disputes going on over there. I guess Starfleet finally  
decided to send someone to intercede. How long until they're out of range?"

"Not for awhile, sir. Our current course is going to take us closer to them."

Kirk turned to Z'Rol. "Are they giving any indications of distress, Lieutenant?"

Z'rol's face was dead serious. For all of her seductive ways, when it came to members of the Senior staff  
she displayed a degree of respect bordering on reverence and a loyalty that would do a soldier proud.  
"No, Captain. Everything appears normal."

Kirk was silent for a moment and then turned back to Harris. "Alter our course, Helm. We're going to make  
a quick run by that cluster after all. Long range scans showed a few interesting details and going there  
will only add a day if even that. Our last few missions have been planet based so I'm sure Stellar Sciences  
would appreciate a quick peak."

He glanced over at the wide eyed Cartwright. "Isn't that right, Ensign?"

"Yes, Captain," Cartwright answered quickly. "Just this afternoon I heard Commander Falno saying how  
much he was looking forward to getting the Astrophysics Lab humming properly again."

Kirk managed a slight twitch of his lips. "Well, _far_ be it from me to disappoint my Head of Stellar Sciences.  
And after all, that's what the _Saratoga_ does- it takes a closer look."

He looked back at Harris. "On this new course, Helm, how long until we're out of range?"

Harris smiled slightly. "About thirty five minutes, sir."

Kirk nodded and looked back at Powell. "Lieutenant, please inform Engineering of our status and tell them  
that our communication relays are having some problems. Ask them how long they think it will take them  
to get the problem fixed."

"Yes, Captain," Powell answered. After a few moments conversation with the Engineering, she turned back to Kirk.  
"We should hopefully have the problem fixed in forty minutes, sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We need to have all of our systems fully functional by the time we get to that cluster."


	58. Station Arrival

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.13_

_The Saratoga has just arrived at Starbase Gemini and I have to say it is one impressive sight._

_James T. Kirk._

* * *

Kirk gazed thoughtfully out the window at the massive space station in orbit of a large Class K planet.  
It resembled Earth Spacedock but instead of six arms, it only had two with one on each side. This had  
earned it its name and had also given it the nickname, 'Twin Station.'

M'Ress signaled Dock Control. "Approach Control, this is _Saratoga._ We are ready for docking maneuvers."

'_Saratoga you are clear to dock.'_

As the _Saratoga_ slowly drew towards her appointed berth; all eyes turned first to the massive ship docked  
not far from them and then worriedly to their Captain.

"Behold a piece of history, Ladies and Gentlemen," Kirk said calmly as he gestured out the window.  
"The _USS Constitution_. The first of her class."

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_5/12/2259_  
_Ready Room_

_"Jim," Admiral Pike said. "I wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?"_

_Kirk smiled at the image of his mentor. He had been in the rec room with Arex enjoying the Edosian's  
quiet company and subtle humor when Communications had informed him that a call had come for him  
from Earth. _

_"We're doing just fine, Chris. We've just finished a quick survey on a stellar cluster. It was pretty small,  
but we found a few interesting things about it." He gave an amused grin. "If there's anything this ship's  
taught me it's that you'll always find something interesting if you take a closer look."_

_Pike nodded but his serious expression didn't change. "I was wondering if you'd run across the Enterprise  
by any chance? They sent her to the Lonmer Sector to mediate their border disputes. She was dispatched  
at the last minute and I didn't have time to warn you."_

_"It's all right, Admiral. We __**did**__ come across her in fact. But we spotted her some time before she spotted us.  
And our communication relays had some…malfunction problems."_

_"Well you may not have to worry about her for much longer." At Kirk's curious expression he continued.  
"You're of course aware of the Five Year Program." He paused. "They're considering sending the Enterprise."_

_Kirk nodded. "A reasonable choice. She's the Flagship after all, not to mention the newest ship in the Fleet."_

_"Jim, we both know that a ship is only as good as its crew. It's their skills and character that matter and after  
the Enterprise's debacle with you, many in Starfleet Command have serious doubts about the second.  
There're already four other Constitution class ships in the Fleet. Two more are scheduled to launch next year:  
the Excalibur and the Valiant. Another two are scheduled a couple of years after that. Any one of them has  
a better than good chance of going._

_"But regardless of who is sent…" his expression softened…"I know how badly you wanted to go."_

_"I did once," Kirk answered a little too quickly. "But as I told you, I don't need to be in deep space, just being  
in space is enough."_

_"I know you better than you think, son," Pike said gently. "You're an explorer and you're always going to want  
to boldly go where no one has gone before. Well, you still might. The CO's of the ships I mentioned have already  
been selected but Starfleet's stepping up exploration of deep space. Big time. Federation shipyards are working  
'round the clock. New ships are being constructed as we speak and plans for others are already on the table.  
In three or four years, we're going to have a lot of new ships that will need CO's."_

_The Admiral leaned forward. "I know how badly the Enterprise crew hurt you, son. And I know that for awhile  
you couldn't stand even the sight of a Constitution class ship. But you might feel differently a few years down  
the road."_

_Kirk sighed. "I admit I did feel that way at first, Chris. But now…I don't have a problem with Constitution class  
ships, just one in particular. Specifically her crew. But it's a moot point." His eyes softened. "My new crew is  
everything that a Captain could ask for and I'm not planning on leaving them anytime soon."_

_Pike nodded thoughtfully. "In regards to the Enterprise, even if she doesn't go on the Five Year Program,  
she's definitely going to be spending more time in deep space. There are a lot of areas on the fringes  
of Federation territory that haven't been explored yet and a lot of problem areas out there that need  
monitoring."_

_Kirk looked thoughtful. "Sounds like you guys are planning on keeping her out on the frontier. Out of sight  
out of mind. What about diplomatic missions?"_

_"Those will be taken on by the Excalibur once she launches. She's going to be commanded by Commodore  
M'Ton; he's always excelled in both defense and diplomacy. I'll be upfront with you, Jim, the 'Enterprise Incident'  
changed a lot of things and many no longer consider the Enterprise to be the finest ship in the Fleet.  
The way things are looking now the Excalibur will soon be considered the Flagship."_

_Pike sighed. "Since we're already discussing Constitution class there's something else that I should inform  
you of, Jim. I know that you're on your way to Starbase Gemeni."_

_Kirk nodded. "That's right. We should be arriving tomorrow morning."_

_"You should know that the U.S.S. Constitution is due there as well. They're between assignments and having  
some repairs done."_

_Kirk nodded. "It won't be a problem, Chris. As I said I may not care much for the Enterprise but I've no issues  
with the rest of her class. Besides, I've always had an interest in history and the Constitution has a lot of it,  
she's the first of her class after all." He gave slight smile. "Who knows, I might even take a tour of her."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

The bridge crew continued to gaze at their Captain.

He gave them a gentle smile. "Same class, different ship, guys. And a very different crew."


	59. Starbase Gemini

_Saratoga Bridge_

"Docking complete, Captain," Akari announced.

Kirk nodded. "Thank you, Helm." He looked around at the rest of the bridge and smiled. "Well done, everyone."

At the sight of their answering smiles he grinned broadly as he stood up. "We're going to be here for three days  
and this Starbase's recreational facilities are said to be some of the best. So I'm ordering everyone to enjoy  
themselves!"

Even as the bridge crew chuckled, he turned to his First Officer. "Thelin you're with me."

* * *

_Saratoga Airlock_

_'Starbase maintenance approaching airlock,' _the ship's computer announced.

Kirk and Thelin stood side by side and watched as the airlock doors opened revealing a tall, blond haired  
woman, who was followed by five other maintenance personnel.

The woman stepped forward. "Lieutenant Commander Margaret Jansen, Chief of Operations," she announced  
with a Dutch accent. "Request permission to come aboard."

"Permission granted." Kirk smiled and stepped forward, hand extended. "I'm Captain Kirk. Welcome aboard."

Jansen smiled and gave him a firm handshake. "Welcome to Starbase Gemini."

Kirk turned to Thelin. "This is my First Officer, Commander Thelin."

"Commander." Jansen gave the Andoran a respectful nod before turning back to Kirk. "You're a bit late.  
We were expecting you, yesterday."

Kirk smiled. "We did a quick run by the cluster in the Omthe Sector. It turned out to have some unusual  
anomalies."

She nodded. "A science vessel's job is never done. Is there anything you need to report? Anything that my  
teams should be aware of?"

Kirk's smile widened. "No. The _Saratoga'_s taken very good care of us."

"I'm not surprised. _Delphis_ class ships may not get a lot of attention but they're very reliable. Let's make sure  
she stays that way by giving her some new upgrades."

Jansen motioned her team forward and they entered the corridor to proceed to the _Saratoga_. She, however,  
remained behind and when the last of her team had disappeared around the corner she met Kirk's eyes.

"I have to say, Captain, it's great honor to meet you," she said quietly. "And I wanted to take this opportunity  
to thank you."

"Thank me?" Kirk asked.

"For stopping Nero. My family was on Earth when he attacked. If it hadn't been for you…" she left the remainder  
unsaid.

Kirk nodded solemnly. "I'm glad that I was able to stop him. But it wasn't just me-"

She interrupted him. "I'm well aware of everything that happened during the Nero Engagement, Captain.  
_Commander Spock_," she spoke his name with obvious distaste, "wanted to turn around and regroup with the rest  
of the Fleet. _You_ were the one who wanted to go after Nero, not him." She continued, her voice quiet but intense.  
"I lost my brother on the _USS Farragut_. If things had been done Spock's way I would have lost my husband and  
my little boy."

Kirk was silent. There was nothing _to_ say to that.

"As far as I'm concerned _you're_ the true hero, Captain," Jansen said firmly. "And I'm not the only one who  
thinks that way."

She took a breath and managed a slight smile. "Well. My team and I have a lot of work to do. I hope that you  
and your crew enjoy your visit."

Kirk nodded. "I'm sure we will."

As the Chief of Operations disappeared down the corridor, Kirk stared after her, silently pondering.

Sensing his pensive mood Thelin leaned forward. "You shouldn't be surprised by her words, Captain," he said  
quietly. "You _are _regarded as a hero by many people."

"I know," Kirk said just as quietly. "I guess out in space I don't think about it much. But it _wasn't_ just me, Thelin.  
Every member of the caravan's vital. And no one member should think that he's any more important than the rest."

Abruptly he turned and headed back toward the ship. "Got any plans for your time off?" he asked as the Andorian  
followed.

"I have some reports to catch up on," Thelin replied. "After that there're some colleagues of mine on this station  
that I plan to visit. One of them is also from Andoria and the other worked there at the Climatology Institute.  
The three of us worked together on several projects and we've kept up our correspondence over the years."

Kirk's grin returned. "Nothing like talking science with fellow scientists, huh, Thelin? I guess I'm planning on just  
taking it easy for the next couple of days- seeing the sights and what not.

His grin turned rueful. "Right now though, I've got a bit of work to finish up and then I'm going to head down to  
the gym. Akari and I are due for a long spar and I want to see how much I remember of what he's taught me  
about a sword."

* * *

_Saratoga Gym_

"That's the fifth easy strike that you've failed to block, Jim-san," Akari said calmly. "You clearly have something  
on your mind."

"You've gotten to know me pretty well, haven't you, Haruto?" Kirk lowered his _bokken_ and wiped the sweat from  
his forehead. "I spoke to Admiral Pike last night. Starfleet's getting ready to send a ship on a Five Year mission.  
Possibly as early as next year."

The Helmsman was silent watching his Captain's face.

"A Five Year mission, Harutu," Kirk continued. "That's deep space, uncharted territory. No patrols, no spending  
months on maneuvers. A mission dedicated to nothing but discovery. To doing what Starfleet is _meant_ to do.  
Explore. Think of how incredible that will be."

"And you wish that it was you going," Akari said quietly.

"Partially. Not with the_ Enterprise_, but yes. When I joined Starfleet I dreamed of going into deep space and there  
was a time when I would have _killed_ to go on that mission." He took a breath. "But I've done a lot of growing  
up since then because I find a lot of satisfaction in exploring things closer to home." He smiled. "And a blessing  
of being on a _Delphis_ class ship is that we don't go on patrols or spend months on maneuvers either. All of our  
missions are devoted to science and what's science if not discovery?"

Both men heard voices chattering and looked up to see Connor and Anna heading down the corridor. Kirk  
smiled again. "And best of all, we get to take our kids with us. That's something no _Constitution _class ship  
does. We don't have to wait weeks, months or even years before we can see our families again."

"Everything that you've said is true, Jim-san," Akari said in his usual perceptive manner. "But it's not the whole  
truth. You _do _enjoy exploring space close to home, but deep down you still want to go in to deep space and  
the deeper the better. And while you may not_ kill_ to go on a Five Year Mission anymore, you still would like  
very much to go. "

At Kirk's silence Akari continued. "You still might; Starfleet's been stepping up exploration of deep space ever  
since Vulcan. Whatever ship they send will simply be the first, ii won't be the last by any means. There'll be  
others, probably many."

"I doubt that the_ Saratoga_ will be one of them. But I've no intention of leaving her."

"Who said anything about you leaving the _Saratoga?"_ It was Akari's turn to smile. "If there's anything that  
I've learned about you, Captain, is that you don't believe in the word 'Can't'. If anyone can get a _Delphis_  
class ship into deep space it's you."

Kirk's eyes widened and then a broad smile spread across his face.

Akari's smile broadened as well as he raised his blade. "Now that your mind seems clearer perhaps we can  
continue the workout."

* * *

Notes  
**_Bokken_** A wooden Japanese sword used for training.


	60. Station Reflections

_5/14/3/2259_  
_Starbase Gemini_

Kirk wandered through the hallways of the vast space station. After his sparring session with Akari he'd spent the rest of the day  
with McCoy. The two of them had spent hours talking about his conversations with Pike and Akari and some of the hopes he had  
for the future.

McCoy had muttered good naturedly. _"Even if you wind up doing what you're planning, kid, what makes you think I'll go with you?"_

Kirk had grinned back. _'It's a gut feeling, Bones." _

Later the two of them had gone on a tour of the vast space station. Kirk always enjoyed spending time with his best friend  
and he especially reveled in the times when they could take a break from being officers and be just that…best friends. It took  
him back to their Academy days. Before Nero. Before Vulcan. Before he received a Command.

Before a lot of things.

Today things had been pretty quiet. He'd taken the opportunity to sleep in and then had gone on a quiet stroll through his ship.  
Most of the crew had disembarked and there was only a skeleton group still on board. As he had wandered through the halls  
of the _Saratoga,_ he'd noted how it was truly the crew that made a ship come to life.

_**My** crew,_ he had thought fondly. _They're my herd and there's nothing that I wouldn't do for them_.

He had also noted that even with most of the crew gone his little ship still had personality.

'_A ship has as much heart and soul as any living thing,'_ Filars was fond of saying. _And she's right_, Kirk thought fondly as he  
gently brushed his hand against one of the walls. _You're **my** ship, old girl. __And I'm not leaving you anytime soon._

Afterwards he and McCoy had once again boarded the station. The doctor had wanted to visit the station's Infirmary and Kirk  
had spent a few hours exploring the promenades, enjoying the crowds and the hustle and bustle.

Eventually he made his way to one of the main concourse's observation lounges that offered spectacular views of space  
and other docked vessels.

Outside he could see the _U.S.S. Constitution_, enjoying a respite after a deployment along the Klingon Neutral Zone. With her  
border patrol duties behind her she was undergoing minor repairs and a re-supply while her crew took advantage of shore leave.

For a few moments he gazed silently at the massive ship. Memories came to him of his first glimpse of another massive ship  
a lifetime ago.

'_Jim, you've got to look at this.'_

He had looked out the window of the shuttle and seen what in his mind had been the most magnificent ship in the galaxy.

He pushed thoughts of the past aside and focused on the vessel before him. He had learned to detect the personalities of ships  
and while the _Constitution_ wasn't anywhere near as flashy as the _Enterprise, _she definitely had a sense of pride and history.  
He supposed that was only natural since she was the first of her class and had served the Federation for many years.

_Just like the Saratoga,_ he thought with some amusement. _They're both old girls but they've __still got a lot of kick left in them._

For a few moments he gazed out the window lost in thought. Then he noticed a familiar figure standing in front of another  
lounge window. He smiled in recognition and made his way over to him.

"Hey, Tuskaro."

The young Nlian's eyes widened at the sight of him. "Captain."

"We're on shore leave. Call me Jim."

It had become a private amusement to Kirk. He considered the two Nlians among his closest friends, but they still needed to  
be reminded to call him Jim when off duty. He was pretty sure that his superiors would approve. After all, Senior officers,  
especially Captains, didn't normally interact with enlisted personnel, let alone form close friendships with them.

_But then I've never been a typical Captain,_ he thought ruefully.

"Where's Shylea?" he asked.

"She's in a fabrics store," Alyen explained. "You know that Conner's turning nine in about a week."

Kirk chuckled. "I think everyone on the ship knows." Conner had been telling anybody who'd listen about his upcoming birthday.

"She wants to get started on decorations for his party. She also wanted to find something special for him that's animal based."  
He looked back out the window. "I thought I'd take a few minutes to admire the view."

"You've been staring at the_ Constitution,_" Kirk noted.

"Yes," Aylen said a bit hesitantly.

"Not an ounce of shame in doing that." Kirk's tone and expression was kind. "She's beautiful."

"And huge." Alyen couldn't keep the awe from his voice. "I've never seen such a big ship in my life."

"Yep. _Constitution_ class ships are the largest in the Fleet, each with a crew of 1100. There're five of them now; the _Constitution_,  
the _Potemkin_, the _Cairo_, the _Triumph _and the_ Enterprise_. The_ Enterprise_ is the newest and the largest; they intended her to be  
the Flagship from the start so they gave her a bunch of extra upgrades and designs, not to mention extra meters in length.  
They also wanted her to be flashy so they gave her bright white plating to make her shine like a jewel." He paused. "In addition  
to being the largest ship in the Fleet she's supposed to be the most beautiful."

Alyen nodded but his expression was both pensive and sad.

"What's wrong?" Kirk asked gently.

Alyen looked at him. "When Shylea and I were in the Enlisted Training program we constantly heard people talking about the _Enterprise  
_and how everyone wanted to serve on her. Back then new crewmen were almost always sent to stations or outposts, and we also knew  
that as the _Enterprise_ would only be taking personnel with the highest scores. So no one in the program with us expected to be assigned  
to her." A slight smile appeared on his face. "But we got caught up in the excitement too and more than a few let themselves hope."

"Did you guys?" Kirk asked quietly.

"Neither of us thought for one minute that we'd ever be assigned to her," Alyen said softly. "But once or twice we did imagine what it  
would be like to be on that giant, beautiful ship that everyone was talking about. One of my teachers had a son who was chosen to serve  
on it and he couldn't stop talking about how proud everyone in his family was. He said that the_ Enterprise_ was the greatest ship ever built.  
The pride of Starfleet, crewed only by the brightest and the best. The 'cream of the crop' was the expression he used."

"That was the plan," Kirk said calmly.

"And _you_ were in command of it. You were not only _on_ but in _command_ of the most coveted ship in Starfleet." Alyen hesitated.  
"And you'd still be there now if…"

"I know," Kirk's voice was quiet.

"Jim. You know that Shylea and I have said this before…but…Jim I'm so sorry for what happened. Many times we've wished that  
we could undo what happened to you. Go back in time and warn you not to go to that bar. Or tell the _Enterprise _crew what had  
happened to you, so that they wouldn't… I'd sure that if they'd known…"

"If they had known things would have been different," Kirk said firmly. "But they didn't even let me open my mouth to tell them.  
For _two __weeks_ not _one_ of them cared enough to listen. They didn't know because none of them _cared_ enough to know. They were  
the cream of the crop, but the cream turned out to be sour."

He sighed. "Tuskaro, I wish what happened to me hadn't happened. But I'm glad for what came afterwards. The men who raped me  
had done it to others. I was the one who reported it and helped bring them to justice. Because of that they're both in prison now  
and won't be able to hurt anyone else. If I hadn't walked into that bar that night they might still be out on the streets now.

"And as for the _Enterprise…"_ He paused again. "What happened hurt. A lot. But good came out if it too. If I'd stayed on the _Enterprise  
_I wouldn't have gotten the _Saratoga._ She's a good ship with a good crew and a beauty all her own. I wouldn't trade her for anything."

He gently draped an arm around Alyen's shoulder. "And if I'd stayed on the _Enterprise_ I would never have met you and Shylea."  
He pulled the Nlian close. "And frankly I've gotten attached to you both."

The Nlian's gaze was solemn as he met his eyes. "And we you, Jim. And we you."

"Beloved, there you are."

Both men turned to see L'Naym approaching with several packaged bundles. Her eyes widened when she saw Kirk. "Captain! Hello!"

Kirk grinned. "And hello to you too, Shylea. I hope you both are enjoying your shore leave."

Her sea green eyes sparkled. "We certainly are."

Alyen went over to his lifemate to help carry some of her bags. "We were planning to visit the station's Arboretum next. Would you  
like to join us?"

Kirk's grin grew wider. "Love too. On one condition- you let me carry some of those bags." As L'Naym handed him a bag he noted,  
"You look like you've done a lot of shopping."

L'Naym chuckled. "I've always loved fabrics and decorations. I've also gotten some birthday presents for Connor and a little something  
for Trisha as well."

Kirk nodded. Since saving Trisha, L'Naym had come to view the little girl as a surrogate daughter.

As the three of them made their way through the hallways Kirk told them a bit about his conversations with Pike, Akari and McCoy.

"Wherever you wind up taking the _Saratoga,_ Jim, we'll be honored to walk with you," Alyen said as L'Naym nodded her agreement.

Kirk put his arms around both of their shoulders. "And I'll be even more honored to walk beside both of you," he said softly.


	61. Sudden Departure

_Starbase Gemini  
Promenade_

"You should have seen all of the equipment they had, Jim!" McCoy said enthusiastically; "It's a full fledged hospital!"

Kirk nodded agreeably and continued to enjoy his lunch. After spending a couple of hours with Alyen and L'Naym, he'd reunited  
with McCoy. The two of them had gone to one of the station's many restaurants where he had spent the past half hour listening  
to his Chief Medical Officer waxing poetic about the Starbase's Infirmary.

"Dr. Theodore Wilmot practices here," McCoy went on.

"Is that someone that I should know?" Kirk asked with a slight smile.

McCoy looked at him like he'd sprouted two heads. "He's one of the leading minds in pathology! He developed the Cafford  
and Zimus vaccines!"

"Just teasing, Bones. I've heard you mention him a few times."

"I had a chance to talk to him. We compared notes on developing a new approach to-"

Kirk continued to listen with a smile. He was no more a doctor than he was a scientist, but being in command of a science vessel  
had taught him to appreciate the sheer amount of knowledge that both professions carried.

"You know Bones," he said at length; "if you like Starbases so much you can always transfer."

McCoy looked him in the eyes. "You know better than that, kid," he said seriously.

Kirk looked at his friend with quiet gratitude. "Yeah, Bones, I do."

_'Captain Kirk, please acknowledge.'_

Startled Kirk pulled out his Comm. "Kirk here."

_'Captain, please report to the Station Commander's Office, ASAP.'_

"Acknowledged. I'm on my way."

* * *

_Station Commander's Office_

As Kirk entered the office a Betazoid woman, Admiral Olayna Vron, nodded to him from her desk. "Captain Kirk, Welcome.  
Have a seat."

As Kirk did so she nodded to the other man sitting in front of her. "This is Jonathan Wilson, Captain of the _USS Constitution.  
_Captain Wilson, this is James T. Kirk, Captian of the _Saratoga."_

After both men had exchanged brief greetings she continued. "I'm sorry to pull you gentlemen away from your leave  
but a priority message from Starfleet Command has just come for both of you."

She turned on the communication screen by her desk and a Starfleet official, Kirk recognized him as Admiral Yue Chang,  
appeared.

The Admiral began without preamble. "Captains Kirk and Wilson, I'm afraid that your leaves have been cancelled.  
Starfleet's received a distress call from the colony on Sprea II; apparently the planet is experiencing severe seismic activity.  
We're dispatching all ships in the area to assess the situation and the two of you are the closest. You're to leave immediately."

* * *

_Bridge of the Constitution_

As the _Constitution_ drew away from its berth and departed the space station, Captain Wilson looked thoughtfully at the small vessel  
traveling beside them. He knew that Kirk had once been in command of the _Enterprise _and since helping to save Earth had become  
the Poster Boy of Starfleet. After his return to active duty he could have had any ship in the Fleet, but for reasons unknown had  
opted for a tiny vessel that many considered a glorified shuttlepod instead.

However, Starfleet had pointed out that the _Saratoga_ shouldn't be underestimated, so maybe there was more to the small ship  
than met the eye.

* * *

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.14_

_The Saratoga has had to cut shut her leave and is now enroute to the Sprea System. We're traveling with the U.S.S Constitution,  
so we'll be spending the next two days working in tandem until we arrive at our destination. Once there we'll coordinate with  
the other ships that Starfleet sends. _

_So far the Saratoga has worked alone, this time we'll be working with other vessels. Well, it's time to show the galaxy what  
a Delphis class ship can do in a crisis._

_James T. Kirk._


	62. Doomed Worlds and Refugees

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.16_  
_09.23 hours (9:23 am)_

_The Saratoga and the Constitution will be arriving at Sprea II in three more hours. It's an M class moon  
which is home to a colony of nearly 250,000 Motronians. At least 250,000 before the moon began experiencing  
seismic activity. From the transmissions we've been receiving from the colony the death toll has been severe._

_I'm already exhausted; since we set out from Starbase Gemini I haven't gotten much sleep and neither  
has most of the crew. Medical supplies have been prepared and emergency shelters set up in the shuttle  
and cargo bays. The Mess Hall and VIP quarters are being converted into medical triage centers._

_On a lighter note every department on the Saratoga has managed to contribute something to the rescue effort.  
With this crew I'm not surprised._

_On a grimmer note I'm afraid that every single thing contributed will soon be desperately needed._

* * *

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.16_  
_14:48 hours (2:48 pm)_

_We arrived at Sprea and did a quick assessment of the situation. It's bad. __**Very**__ bad._

_Sprea II isn't just suffering from seismic activity, it's tearing itself apart literally. The moon is in close orbit  
around Sprea Prime. Far too close as it turns out. Gravitational stresses will eventually cause the moon to  
disintegrate within a year or so. Meanwhile the current quakes are increasing in severity and rapidity.  
Over half of the buildings have been completely destroyed and the other half will soon follow.  
Over 14,000 of the population have died._

_The colony needs to be evacuated immediately._

_Starfleet has dispatched other ships but the closest one won't be arriving for another 24 hours.  
For now it's just the Constitution and the Saratoga. So its up to us._

* * *

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.16_  
_21:24 hours (11:24 pm)_

_Both the Constitution and the Saratoga have been working around the clock. Everyone is pulling extra shifts  
and I doubt that anyone i_s _going to be sleeping anytime soon._

_A lot of people don't realize the logistics that go into evacuating large numbers of people, especially within  
a short period of time. I'd studied them of course at the Academy but actually implementing them is another  
matter entirely._

_The Saratoga has four regular shuttles which can each carry 30 passengers. The Waverider can carry 40  
and the High Tide 6. Under the best of conditions we're able to transport 300 people per hour via our  
transporters and over 150 with our shuttles. Although this of course depends on the number of shuttles  
available, their condition and the number of qualified technicians and pilots. _

_At times like this I've never been more grateful for our maintenance and technical workers. In particular,  
Crewmen Raju Alluri from India and Carmen Bautista from the Philippines. They're both the best shuttle  
technicians on the Saratoga and everyone calls them 'The Duo' because they work so well together.  
I've also never been more grateful for our Transporter Chiefs: Crewmen Dalin and Q'Pol. Every member  
of the caravan is vital._

_Due to it's small size the Saratoga is only able to carry 300 evacuees. The Constitution is able to carry  
4,500 and with their greater number of shuttles are able to load more as well, about 700 an hour.  
After we'd loaded our 300 we spent the next few hours using our shuttles to helping the Constitution load.  
One of their shuttles wasn't working and I sent The Duo over to help repair it. Who says that a mouse  
can't help a lion?_

_We were able to get the Constitution fully loaded within seven hours. 5000 colonists have been evacuated  
but there 're still 175,000 on the surface and the other ships won't arrive until tomorrow. And all the while  
the quakes are getting steadily worse. The clock is ticking._

_James T Kirk_

* * *

_Saratoga Hangarbay  
5/17/2259  
3:02 am_

Kirk quietly made his way through the hangarbay. This day had been both exhausting and nerve wracking  
and it wasn't anywhere close to being over. But there had finally been a brief lull, the eye of the hurricane  
he knew, and he'd decided to take a moment to visit the hangar.

All of the shuttles were gone- Bautista had suggested using some of them as shelters, at least until the other  
ships arrived, and then keeping them out in order to make more room in the hangar for additional refugees.  
Kirk had thought the idea sound and ordered it implemented immediately. When he'd suggested it to the  
_Constitution_ they'd implemented it as well. So that was about a hundred more refugees for the _Saratoga_  
and a few hundred more for the _Constitution_. He would have remember to commend the young woman later.

The _High Tide_ and the _Waverider_ were both on the surface, either transporting civilians to more stable areas  
or searching for anyone who might not have been able to reach the evacuation points when the quakes started.  
Both ships' transporters were being kept busy trying to move people to safer areas. And their geologists  
and seismologists had been working round the clock trying to determine which areas of the moon were  
the least effected by the quakes. Kirk thought of the _Saratoga's _main seismologist, Petty Officer Haxor.  
The Broxen was stoic and had little or no time for anything not work related, but he knew his stuff.

_And there's going to be plenty of work for him for awhile_, Kirk thought. _More than enough for everyone._

The Hangar was jammed from one end to another with Motronian refugees. They were humanoid in appearance  
although they were bald except for thin grey stubble on the sides of their heads. Their faces were narrower  
and all of them had dark blue eyes. They had left their homeworld twelve years previously due to overpopulation  
and ethnic conflicts. In an effort to distance themselves from their old lives they had deliberately tried to get  
as far from their birthworld, which was located in the Beta Quadrant, as possible. Their search had taken  
them several sectors away in to the Alpha Quadrant. Sprea II was uninhabited and had seemed ideal  
so they had settled there. In the ensuing years they had established a thriving colony comprised of a small city,  
several towns, villages and farming settlements.

_And all of that work undone, _Kirk thought sadly. _More dreams dashed_.

Several crewmembers, who otherwise would have been off duty or asleep, were moving among the refugees,  
talking and trying to assist in any possible way. In one corner L'Naym was gently wrapping a blanket around  
a small boy. In another Natasha had brought out her collection of instruments and was holding a mini concert  
for a small group of children gathered around her. A slight smile came to Kirk's lips at the sight and broadened  
as he noticed Kissi entertaining another group of children with a story. Although some of them were much more  
enthralled with her thick curly blond mane and amber eyes.

"Captain."

He turned to see his Chief Engineer approaching. "How are you holding up, Jim?" she asked.

"As well as we all are, Joyce. This has been a rough couple of days for everyone. And it's not over yet  
by a longshot."

"I know there's no way that you're going to get any sleep so I won't waste my breath telling you to take a nap.  
But I _am_ telling you to go to the kitchen and grab a snack. Things are a bit quiet now, but they're going to get  
hectic again when the other ships get here and you need to have something in your system."

"Joyce."

"Get going, Jim," she said sternly. "Before I drag you by your ear."

"Yes, Mom."

* * *

_Saratoga Corridors_

Kirk got off the turbolift and made his way through the corridors toward the Mess Hall. As he walked he noted  
with satisfaction as his crew, tired though many of them were, hurried about or this task or that. He spotted  
his Chief of Security talking to one of her officers. "Commander Hatcher. How's the situation doing with the  
refugees? Any problems?"

She shook her head. "No, Captain. As to be expected, many are traumatized. They've been in a life threatening  
situation, they've been uprooted from their homes and they've lost practically everything except the clothes on  
their backs. But none of them have been panicking and there's been no violence. Many of them seem to find  
my security teams comforting."

Kirk nodded. "That's no surprise. After losing everything it would comfort them to see people watching over  
them."

Hatcher nodded and continued down the hallway. Kirk thoughtfully watched her go. He had come to respect  
Hatcher greatly and saw her as a mentor of sorts. Even though she was generally stoic he'd learned to sense  
some of her moods. So he knew that she felt for the plight of the refugees. Like them she had once lost  
everything. And like some of the children she had been orphaned years ago.

* * *

_Mess Hall_

Kirk continued on until he reached the Mess Hall and his thoughtful expression turned into a sad frown.  
Most of the injured refugees had been sent to the _Constitution_ due to her larger facilities but about a hundred  
had been sent to the _Saratoga_. He knew that McCoy and Belzoni were in Medbay, which tonight was jammed  
with patients. Flanders and Sanchez were working in the VIP Quarters. Minil and Alyen were in the Mess Hall.

Kirk spotted them quietly moving among the thirty patients that sat or lay on the cots brought up from sickbay.  
He watched for a moment as the Rigelian nurse administered a hypo to a woman. In another corner the young  
Nlian medic ran a scanner over an elderly Motronian, his gentle face set in determined focus.

Not wanting to disturb them Kirk silently made his way toward the kitchen, grateful that the lights had been  
dimmed. Once there he spotted Gavor stirring a large pot of soup. He'd been kept busy throughout the day  
and night feeding the refugees.

"You got any sandwiches or anything, Gavor?" Kirk asked as the Chef looked up. "I need to grab a quick bite."

Ordinarily the Tellerite would have fired back with an insult or a least a comment, but instead he simply motioned  
toward several plates of sandwiches on one of the counters. "You're not the only one who's been asking for a snack  
and I doubt you'll be the last."

Nodding in thanks Kirk went over to counter and grabbed a sandwich. After he'd eaten he silently gazed out into  
the Mess Hall and watched as Trinil and Alyen worked on their patients. And he thought of how ever member  
of the crew was contributing in some way.

_His_ crew.

_None of them are geniuses and none of them graduated with the highest scores in their class. But I'd take any one  
of them over the entire crew of the Enterprise._


	63. Peshee

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.20_

_The other ships finally began to arrive on the 17th. The first to arrive was the Cormorant, a Cygnus class scout.  
They were able to take 600 refugees. The Guardian class frigate, Yorktown arrived later in the day and were able  
to take 2000._

_Four other ships arrived early the following day: the Newton class, Edison, and the Armstrong class, Dauntless.  
That evening the final ships arrived: the Newton class, Kepler and the Mayflower class, Massasoit._

_Starfleet informed me that they were thinking about sending the Enterprise as well. I wouldn't have minded- my feelings  
__(or lack of) toward that ship are irrelevant if it means saving lives. __It turned out they weren't able to come though.  
The border dispute they were sent to mediate has apparently became more heated and they're now busy trying to keep  
a full scale war from breaking out which could destabilize the entire sector._

_They weren't needed in the end though. The rest of the ships were just able to accommodate __the 186,000 refugees.  
Once all of them were safely aboard we departed the system._

_From the moment we'd arrived I'd spent all of my thoughts and energy on the colonists, but as the rescue fleet prepared  
to depart I took a few moments __to look at and contemplate the moon itself. And I realized that this was the second time  
that I'd seen a dying world_.

_The moon's landmasses consist of open grasslands with fernlike forests by the coasts and is quite lovely. There's  
an abundance of wildlife__. An abundance of life period. And all of it's doomed. While accompanying one of the shuttle  
runs I noticed herds of panicked __animals trying to flee from the quakes. Tragically there's nowhere for them to go.  
As the moon continues to destabilize __massive faults will soon open and volcanic activity will begin._

_According to our seismologists the moon will explode within 14 months. Starfleet is planning on sending research teams  
to monitor __its death throes and they're also going to try to collect as many botanical and biological samples as possible.  
They won't be able to __take a lot, unfortunately, because most of the life native to Sprea can't survive in any other  
environment. Countless species __doomed to extinction. An entire world gone._

_We and the rest of the Rescue Fleet are now taking the refugees to Vlaren, another M class world where they can resettle  
and start over. Interesting jump for the Saratoga- in a matter of days we've gone from being a research vessel, to a rescue  
ship and now a colony ship. I'm reminded of something Admiral Pike said to me once: Starfleet's mandate isn't just to explore  
or defend. Sometimes it's to lend a helping hand.  
_

_We'll be arriving at our destination in two more days._

_James T Kirk._

* * *

_Saratoga Hallway_

Kirk made his way toward Mayberry's office. The Head of Ship's Resources knew down to an atom's weight what supplies  
the _Saratoga _had and how much of and he wanted to see how things were holding up with so many refugees on board.  
He could have simply used his Comm or let Thelin handle it, but he'd spent most of the day on the Bridge or in his Ready  
Room going over details with the rest of the rescue fleet and he wanted the chance to stretch his legs for a bit.

Up ahead he noticed Connor McDowell making his way quickly through the hallway. With him was a young Motronian boy  
who appeared to be about five or six years old.

"Who's your friend, Connor?" Kirk asked. The refugees weren't restricted to the shuttle or cargo bays, but it was unusual  
to see one of their children wandering the ship without an adult.

Both children looked up sharply at his voice and Connor quickly put his arm around the other boy's shoulder. "This is Bakoose."

"And where are you and Bakoose going in such a hurry?"

Bakoose answered in a high treble voice. "We're taking Peshee to see the doctor. She's sick."

Kirk's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Peshee? Who's Peshee?"

Bakoose had been wearing a jacket and at the Captain's question stiffened slightly. Kirk then noticed that there was a small  
bulge underneath the jacket and the child's arms were wrapped protectively around it.

"What's that you've got there?" he asked gently.

Slowly, hesitantly the boy opened the top of his jacket slightly. From the opening popped a small furry head that resembled  
a cross between a canine, a seal and a rabbit. Kirk recognized it as a Movitt, a small creature native to Sprea and a popular  
pet with children.

Bakoose was now trying to explain, the words tumbling out of his mouth. "When everybody was leaving they said that  
we couldn't take any animals with us. But I couldn't leave Peshee! She's my best friend! I hid her in my coat, she's been  
quiet and good and she hasn't bothered anyone. Nobody even knew about her until Connor; he's been helping me take  
care of her. She was fine when we left but then she started getting sick. She won't eat and she's breathing funny. Connor  
said that your doctor can fix anything so we're taking her to see him so he can make her better."

* * *

_Medbay_

"Bones," Kirk called as he and the boys entered the medical bay. "We've got another patient for you."

McCoy looked up from his desk. Since the evacuation, most of the injured had either been released or sent to the other  
ships and he was now trying to catch up on some of his other work.

Bakoose approached and held out his shivering pet. "Peshee's sick," he said softly.

When McCoy saw what he had his eyes widened. "I'm a doctor, not a vet!"

"A vet's a doctor!" Connor pointed out.

McCoy's expression and voice softened. "A vet's an _animal_ doctor, son. I'm a _people_ doctor."

"Please." Bakoose was struggling to hold back his tears. "She's my best friend."

McCoy sighed. "Fine." He motioned toward one of the exam tables. "Put her down over there and we'll take a look at her."

As Bakoose carefully placed his pet on the table, McCoy took out his comm. "Lieutenant Michaels. Come you come up  
to sickbay, please? We're in need of your expertise."

_'On my way, Doctor.'_

* * *

_An hour later_

Michaels looked sadly at the shivering little animal. "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do," she said softly. "Her species  
is uniquely adapted to her native environment. She simply can't survive anywhere else."

Bakoose said nothing, he simply stared down at his beloved pet, tears silently streaming down his small face.

Connor was not so silent. "But other animals can live on planets that they're not from! I've seen them in zoos!"

"_Some_ animals can," the zoologist said gently; "Others can't. The indigenous lifeforms of Sprea can't." She sighed  
and gently ran a hand over the Movitt's soft fur. "I'm afraid she doesn't have long. The only thing we can do is try to  
keep her comfortable."

"_But it's not fair!"_ Connor shouted.

"No, it's not."

Kirk watched silently from the background. _Losing a planet. Losing a pet. Grief is grief, _he thought sadly_._


	64. New Colonies and Small Lessons

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.25_

_The Rescue Fleet arrived at Vlaren three days ago. The freighter, U.S.S. Carolina was already there with supplies and equipment.  
__After the refugees disembarked most of the fleet departed except for the Constitution and the Saratoga. The Constitution __will  
be spending the next few days helping the refugees get settled in their new home. The Saratoga will be running surveys to  
assess the best areas for settlement and also gathering as much helpful information for the colonists as possible. I find it fitting:  
the Constitution and the Saratoga __were the first to arrive to help the Motronians and we'll be the last to leave._

_Vlaren is a class M planet with two landmasses, both of which are comprised of plains and grasslands with mountain __ranges in  
the north. The climate's temperate, the seasons mild and the land ideal for farming. Plus there are abundant __minerals and ores  
in the mountains. A good place for a new start._

_It seems that a bit of history has caught up with the Saratoga; her older sister ship, the U.S.S. Delphis performed studies __here  
several years ago and recommended the planet as a possible site for future colonization. __This brings to mind the main task  
of Delphis class ships; we perform in-depth surveys on an area after __a larger ship makes the initial discovery. This is vital if a  
planet is being considered for colonization. When the Motronians __first discovered Sprea II they thought that the moon would  
be an ideal location and established a colony right away. __Unfortunately they didn't notice the slight instabilities caused by  
the moon's close orbit to its primary. Sprea was a very remote colony; hardly any ships visited except to bring more colonists  
and the few who did come never performed any scans and so they didn't notice the danger signs either.  
_

_As I consider this I'm once more reminded that although our classes' work is often unsung it's a lot more important than __most  
people realize. Big ships discover new worlds. We, among other things, help determine how safe they are. Filars was right..b__ig  
things do come in small packages._

_Commander Rodriguez will be staying behind when we leave. The Saratoga's heading back to Earth and he'll be spending  
the week between our assignments here helping the Motronians plan and organize their agricultural structures. A few other  
crewmembers will be saying as well: Lieutenant Michaels, our xeno-zoologist, Lieutenant Ostrovsky, __our chief geologist__  
and our visiting xeno-biologist, Sar Iyi Domla. We'll pick them up when we return from Earth.  
_

_I'm glad that Michaels is staying for another reason. She'll be a good friend to little Bakoose. She was a big help __to him after  
his pet movitt died. She took images of her and made holo portraits, explaining to Bakoose that the images __would let people  
all over the Federation know about Peshee and the rest of her species. That comforted him a little. _

_Connor was a huge support. The two boys have become virtually inseparable and will definitely be staying in contact after  
we leave. Both of them share a love of animals. I asked Connor how he'd known that Bakoose had been carrying an animal  
and he said, "Cause I carry animals around with me all the time and I hide them under my shirt too."_

_The two of them spent a lot of time in Connor's room playing with the menagerie that he has_. _They also visited my Chief Engineer's  
quarters too. One of the 'jobs' that Connor has long had on the Saratoga is helping to take care of Filars' 'babies'; her Yorkshire terrier,  
Patches and her Cairn terrier, Marley. __When Bakoose was ready to disembark, Connor offered to let him keep one of his pet ferrets,  
but for the time being no foreign animal species will be allowed on the planet. _

_The two boys have bonded for another reason too- neither of them live with their parents. __Connor's parents are __divorced and neither  
of them were reliable so he and his sister were placed in the care of their aunt and uncle, Engineers__ Fergus and Clara McDowell.  
_

_Bakoose's parents were killed __in an accident when he was a baby and he was living with his aunt and uncle. They, fortunately, survived  
the quakes but his aunt was injured and his uncle was naturally distracted worrying about her, which is why neither of them noticed  
that Bakoose had smuggled his pet on board.  
_

_I have to say this about Connor; most of the people on this ship think of him as the tireless bundle of mischief always on __his way  
to the next bit of trouble he can get into. But when you take a closer look you see a whole lot more. Because of the __refugees staying  
in the Mess Hall he wasn't able to have the big birthday party everyone had been planning. But he didn't __care- he was much more  
interested in trying to cheer up Bakoose. The two of them spent most of the day drawing and __coloring pictures of Peshee and other  
animals on Sprea and then putting it together into a big book. They also took to it Michaels and had her write and draw in it too. _

_Life on the Saratoga teaches many lessons. And two I've learned is that what isn't obvious is sometimes the most __important.  
And what's beneath the surface can have more depth than you imagine. _

_James T. Kirk. _


	65. Return to Earth

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.5.29_

_I've officially completed my first assignment as Captain of the Saratoga. Over the past few months she has not only  
conducted __studies in several different planetary systems but assisted in the evacuation and resettlement of 200,000  
refugees. __I'm proud to say that she has performed magnificently and her crew every bit as well._

_On a personal level I can honestly say that the past few months have been the most rewarding of my life. I've learned  
many __important things, both about space and about people. Most importantly I've learned about friendship and family  
and that's what __this crew has become for me…family. Everyone on this ship has helped me more than words can ever  
convey. And no words __that I could say would ever properly convey my gratitude to them. _

_We are now heading home at Warp 6 and should be arriving __in a few days. I know that Bones is looking forward to a week  
on good old terra firma and after the stresses of the past __couple of weeks I'm looking forward to the break too. But I'm also  
looking forward to heading back out again. Bones was right, __being in space is where I belong._

* * *

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.6.1_

_We are now approaching Earth. __We made a quick stop at Andoria to drop off Thelin and Lieutenant Pe'lal who will be  
spending the next week on their native __world. We also dropped off the McDowell's. As a belated birthday present for  
Connor they're taking him to visit Andoria's famous __Zoological Park, which has over 500 different animal species from  
many different Federation worlds. _

_The zoo will be getting a little __something extra too. Michaels took blood and tissue samples from Peshee before she died.  
Most of those samples will be going to Starfleet Xeno-zoology but some will be going to__ that park as part of a new exhibit  
that will be going up about the animals native to Sprea._

_We were only on Andoria for a couple of hours but I couldn't resist beaming down for a quick peek. I tried to get Bones  
to come __with me but he said that he had no desire to freeze to death. When I reminded him that Andorian cities were  
underground and heated by geothermal energy he said that humans weren't meant to live underground and he wasn't  
setting foot off of this ship until we were back home. __Ah Bones, what am I going to do with you?_

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Earth Spacedock_

"Dock control this is _Saratoga,"_ M'Ress announced. "We are ready for Docking Maneuvers."

_'Saratoga, you are clear to dock. And welcome home.'_

The _Saratoga_ drew closer to its appointed berth and smoothly slid into harbor.

"Docking complete, Captain," Akari announced.

Kirk nodded. "Thank you, Akari." He looked around at the rest of the bridge and smiled. "Well everyone, the _Saratoga_  
has safely come to port and I'd say we've all earned a break."

* * *

_Saratoga corridors_

Kirk made his way through the corridors conducting last minute business and seeing off crewmembers. Several of the crew  
had transported down but he planned to take a shuttle and to be the last to leave. After he disembarked he had a quick  
meeting with Admiral Pike at Starfleet Headquarters. Then for the next seven days it would be break time.

As he watched remaining crewmembers walking throughout the corridors he thought of how soon his small ship would  
be empty and his crew scattered around the planet. Even though he knew it would only be for a week he still felt a pang  
of loss. Over the past six months his ship and crew had come to mean more to him than he ever could have imagined.  
Not a day went by that he didn't thank God for them. And now he found that he missed them already.

He gently brushed a hand against a bulkhead. _I'll miss you too, old girl. __But don't worry I'll be back. _He smiled slightly.  
_And I won't be by myself while I'm away_.

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_5/8/2259_  
_Mursen_  
_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters_

_Kirk smiled as he ate the meal L'Naym has prepared. It seemed that L'Naym always came up with something new __for  
their weekly dinners. A skilled cook and a relentless experimenter with taste and flavor, whatever she prepared __was  
always delicious._

_"This is great, Shylea. If you're not careful Gavor's going to be out of a job soon."_

_She gave one of her musical chuckles. "I don't think so, Jim. I have no desire to cross him in that manner. And as much _  
_as I love to cook I love working in the botany labs and going on away-missions more._

_"Speaking of missions…" her smile broadened. "Thank you so much for taking me on today's Mini-Crew. Those algae  
forests __were beautiful. We've been studying specimens in the labs of course, but to actually see them up close…"_

_"I'm just glad that it was on the Day side," Alyen put in._

_Kirk gave a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Tuskaro. You know that I don't take unnecessary risks with my crew."_

_"Not with your crew maybe," Alyen gave a rueful smile, "but you don't seem to have any problem with risking _yourself._  
Some of __the things Dr. McCoy has said…"_

_Kirk smirked. "Oh I can just imagine some of the things that Dr. McCoy has said!"_

_All three laughed and inwardly Kirk glowed with satisfaction. Since the first near miss with the Enterprise he and the Nlians  
__had become steadily closer. Neither of them served on the bridge or were involved in any command decisions and unless  
he took them on an-away mission he seldom interacted with them at all while on duty. So__ there was __little concern about  
their friendship compromising anything._

_'We're practically civilians," L'Naym often joked. "Tuskaro works in Sickbay and I work in the botany labs and the_  
_arboretum. We're certainly not going to tell you how to run this ship!'_

_With them he could set aside the pressures of being Captain and just be…Jim. And it was more healing than he knew._

_"Listen guys," he said as he finished his meal, "I've been meaning to ask you… we'll be heading back to Earth in  
another __month and we'll be there for about a week. Have you made any plans? Are you going to __make a trip back  
home?"_

_"Not this time," Alyen answered. "We know that we'll all be on longer leave later this year and we'll visit Nlia then.  
As for what we'll do this time." He glanced at L'Naym and smiled. "We didn't see much of Earth while we were training  
so __we thought that we'd look around a bit, see some of the planet's sights."_

_Kirk nodded. "Bones is planning to spend his leave in Georgia visiting Joanna. And Joyce is going to visit her family.  
So, I was wondering…" he paused and then pushed forward with his question__…__"Would you guys like to spend some  
time with me? If you'd like to see a planet there's no better person to show you around than a native."_

_*End flashback*_

* * *

_Shuttlebay_

Kirk smiled at the two Nlians as the three of them made their way toward the awaiting shuttle. "So guys, are you looking  
forward to your tour?"

Alyen smiled. "We wouldn't miss it, Jim."


	66. Benefits of Friends

_6/1/2259_  
_Starfleet Headquarters_

Kirk smiled at his two Nlian friends as he led them through the hallways. It was a couple of hours before his meeting  
with Pike and he'd decided to give them a tour.

The lifemates had been eager for the opportunity. Although the Academy shared grounds with Starfleet Headquarters  
neither of them had seen anything but the outside of it during the year they'd spent training.

"_You can't tell me that you weren't in the least bit curious!"_ Kirk had stated.

_"Of course we were,"_ L'Naym had said with a smile._ "Starfleet Headquarters is like the Great Senate Chambers on Oslamth;  
__the decisions made in it effect the entire Federation."_

Kirk had grinned. _"Well one of the best things about curiosity is the chance to indulge it. You may not be officers  
but you're part __of Starfleet too. So get your dress suits- you can consider Starfleet Headquarters your first stop  
of Tour a la Kirk." _His grin had turned smug. "_After all there are **some** benefits to being friends with a Starfleet Captain."_

Now after a two hour personal tour, the three friends were sitting in a small lobby by the officer of Admiral Pike.  
The Nlians would be heading to the cafeteria while Kirk was in his meeting and afterwards all three would proceed  
to his flat. But for now all were engaged in some last minute chatting.

Alyen pulled a bit at the collar of his dress uniform. "I've never cared much for these. They itch and I'm not the formal type."

"But you look very handsome in it, Beloved," L'Naym teased.

Alyen flashed his lifemate a shy smile. "And you'd be beautiful even if you were in rags."

Kirk smiled. He was always touched by the obvious devotion between the two lifemates. "I'll let you in on a secret, guys.  
I've never cared for formality either." He glanced around as some Admirals walked by. "But I guess its something you  
have to put up with when you're in a place like this."

Alyen nodded "I've never seen so many high ranked officers before. In the Training Program our instructors  
were Lieutenants or Commanders. I only saw two Captains, and they had each come to give a guest lecture.  
And I don't think I ever saw single Admiral. If I were here often I'm pretty sure I'd be intimidated."

"Remember, Beloved, they're just men," L'Naym said. "Not gods, not sandstorms, just men."

Alyen took his lifemate's hand. "That's my Shylea, always respectful but never intimidated by anything. It's been like  
that ever since we were children; she was always the fearless one and I was always the shy, quiet one."

"That's what makes us a good couple, Beloved." She squeezed his hand. "You can rely on my boldness, I can rely  
on your gentleness."

"Ah, Kirk."

All three of them looked up to see a Starfleet Admiral approaching. Kirk stood and went over to greet him. "Admiral Jones.  
Greetings. Where's Admiral Pike?"

"He's on his way now. He's been out of the chair for a few months, but it still takes him awhile to get from place to place."  
Jones nodded back in the direction that he'd come and Kirk spotted his mentor slowly coming down the hallway while  
speaking to another officer.

"So, Kirk," Jones continued. "You're back from six months of planetary research. Were you bored out of your mind before  
going to Sprea? And when the call came did you dance a jig at the prospect of finally being able to do some 'real' work?"

Kirk stiffened slightly. "Hardly, sir. The only thing I felt was concern for the lives that might be in danger.  
And the time before that mission was very rewarding."

Jones gave a dismissive snort and crossed his arms. "Captain Kirk, former CO of the Flagship, found it _rewarding_ to collect  
soil samples? Now why do I have a hard time believing that?"

"Believe it because it's true, Admiral." L'Naym came up and stood beside her Captain. "These past few months have been  
very rewarding, not only for Captain Kirk but for those of us who have the privilege of serving under him."

Admiral Jones looked at the Nlian woman and upon noting the lack of rank insignia on her uniform spoke in a tone that was  
both amused and condescending. "And who do you think you are, Crewman, to defend the honor of Captain Kirk?"

L'Naym lifted her chin and looked the Starfleet Admiral square in the eyes. "I am Crewman Shylea L'Naym, Admiral,"  
she responded calmly. "Who do I need to be ?"

The Admiral raised his eyebrows slightly. "I see you have a crew that stands up for you, Kirk."

"It's important for crewmembers to support their Captain. Sir." Alyen had come up to stand by Kirk's side as well.  
And although his voice was as soft and gentle as ever something in it made the Admiral refrain from baiting Kirk further.

"I agree wholeheartedly." Admiral Pike had made it to the group. "It's _very_ important for crewmembers to support their  
Commanding Officer." He nodded at the Nlians. "But if you'll excuse us, Crewmen, Admiral Jones and I have a few things  
that we need to discuss with Captain Kirk."

Kirk gave a reassuring nod to his friends. "Go on, Crewmen, I'll be fine."

As the three men entered Pike's office, Jones turned to Kirk. "I see you've made some new friends on the _Saratoga_."

Kirk smiled. "Yes, sir. I've had that privilege."

* * *

_Starfleet Cafeteria  
Three Hours Later_

"Hey, guys."

The Nlians looked up to see their Captain approaching. "How'd the meeting go?" Alyen asked.

"I'm glad its over," Kirk said. "It's always good to see Pike, but Admiral Jones can be a bit...overbearing at times. He was  
never keen on the idea of my being on the _Saratoga_ and feels that I'm wasting my talents on such a small ship." He smiled.  
"He certainly wasn't expecting you two to stand up to him the way you did." He gently clapped Alyen on the shoulder.  
"What happened to you being shy and easily intimidated?"

Alyen gave him a wry smile. "I'm not as shy as I once was. And as for being intimidated..." he grew serious; "I _was_.  
I just didn't let it stop me. My father once said, 'Always walk away if you can but if you're cornered stand your ground."

L'Naym nodded. "In the Southern Lands we have a saying: Leaders are owed respect, never reverence; because beneath  
their rank they're just men. Not gods, not sandstorms, just men."

Kirk nodded before giving them both a gentle smile. "I appreciate you both 'defending my honor,' as Admiral Jones put it."

"You're our Captain, Jim," Alyen said softly. "And you're our friend. We'll always stand by you."

"Glad to hear it." Kirk abruptly started to chuckle. "For my first fight with Starfleet personnel I took on four cadets.  
You guys took on an _Admiral! _I'll definitely feel safer having you guys around from now on!"

L'Naym smiled and her gaze had mischief in it. "There are _some_ benefits to being friends with enlisted crewmen, Captain."


	67. Riverside

_6/2/2259_  
_Riverside, Iowa_  
_The Shipyard Bar_

The Shipyard Bar buzzed with the same activity that it had four years prior.

After leaving Starfleet Headquarters Kirk had taken the Nlians back to his flat where they'd be staying during their time  
on Earth. He'd given them his bedroom over their protests and had prepared his sofa for him to sleep on. After unpacking  
the three of them had changed into civilian clothes and gone out for a night on the town in San Francisco. Not a Starfleet  
Captain and two Crewmen, just three very close friends.

The following morning their Earth Tour had begun. Kirk planned to take them to a different area each day and while still  
on the _Saratoga_ had gone over with them sights that he thought they'd enjoy. For the first day he'd taken them to see  
different areas of the Great Plains. L'Naym had grown up in a land of deserts and Alyen of thick forests so neither of them  
had seen prairies or grasslands before.

Kirk had smiled many times at his friends' excitement and considered how becoming commander of a research vessel  
had made him much more appreciative of the unique wonders each planet had to offer, including his own.

_Exploring wonders close to home can be very satisfying, _he'd thought as he watched the Nlians staring wide eyed at  
a herd of buffalo. _And so can exploring one's own home. _Later as they had watched of herd of mustangs racing through  
the plains he had thought, _One should never take __what they have for granted._

Towards late evening he had taken them to Riverside, Iowa. A place famous for its shipyards and for being the home  
of one James Tiberius Kirk. And now all three of them sat in the same bar where events had begun so many years ago.

Kirk glanced again at his Nlian friends and forced a smile as he saw them eagerly taking everything in. He could tell that  
everything fascinated them from the the buzz of the patrons, to the smell of the nearby cornfields.

He however sat stiffly at their table. After the hellish events of last year he'd avoided bars like the plague and never  
entered anywhere similar without a greater sense of caution. In San Francisco he'd taken the Nlians to a fancy restaurant  
and then, after attending a ballet performance, to an upscale club. Each time he had kept a discreet but sharp eye out  
and had made certain to order all of them non-alcoholic drinks. Tonight he had ordered a glass of water for himself  
and even that had barely been touched.

He glanced around. This was a place that he'd never thought he'd return to, but return he had. To show his two friends  
his boyhood home and perhaps come to some closure.

_I met several acquaintances here_._ But most of them were killed by Nero. And others_…

_'I'm impressed. For a minute there I thought you were this dumb hick who only had sex with farm animals.'_

"Jim are you all right?" Alyen asked softly. Both Nlians, perceptive as ever had noticed his discomfort.

"I was just thinking," he said softly; "This is where it all started, where my journey to Starfleet began. I spent many  
an evening in this bar and aside from the times when I was racing my bike, it was one of the few times I was happy."  
He sighed. "You've often told me about your hometowns and its obvious that you both loved them. Well, I couldn't  
have been more different because I _hated_ Riverside. Part of it was boredom- if one's not a farmer or working at  
the shipyards there's really not a lot to do out here. But the main reason…this place had nothing but bad memories  
and experiences."

Both Nlians looked at him sadly, knowing that he was referring to an abusive, fatherless, and practically motherless  
childhood.

"If you hated it here so much, why didn't you leave sooner?" Alyen asked.

"To this day I'm still not sure. Maybe I just…didn't know where to go.

"But something good happened here." He forced a small smile. "This is where I met Pike." He managed a slight chuckle  
and pointed to a corner. "He found me right over there, lying backwards over a table after getting my butt handed  
to me by a bunch of cadets." His smile faded. "If he hadn't found me who knows where I might have ended up?"

"You would have died," L'Naym said quietly; "along with everyone else on Earth when Nero destroyed it. And not just  
Earth; Nero planned to destroy _all_ of the worlds of the Federation. Including Nlia." She gently took his hand. "And even  
if a miracle had happened and he _hadn't_ attacked…you would never have met Dr. McCoy, your crew, or us." She smiled.  
"So we're _very_ glad that you walked into this bar that night, Jim."

He smiled and squeezed her hand. "So am I."

* * *

_Outskirts of the Riverside Shipyard_

"This is it," Kirk said quietly. "The exact spot. I sat right here on my bike and stared at her as she was being constructed."

"The _Enterprise?"_ Alyen asked softly.

"The _Enterprise."_ Kirk heaved a deep sigh. "When I left Riverside I never wanted to set foot in it again. When I left  
the _Enterprise_ I never wanted to see it again. But I guess I can never really get away from it."

"Jim, Riverside is where you grew up," Alyen said quietly. "The _Enterprise_ was where you came into your own as Captain  
and in the process saved billions of lives. They both helped shaped the person you became. The person you are now."

Kirk sighed again. "I know. But it doesn't make it hurt any less."

He turned toward the Nlians. "I once told you how from the moment we met you saw James T. Kirk, famous Starfleet  
Captain, Hero of Earth, Former Commander of the Flagship. But you also saw Jim, a man who'd been badly hurt and  
who looked like maybe he could use a friend." His face turned more solemn. "I'm grateful to you for that, guys.  
More than words can ever say."

He looked back at the Shipyard. _And if I'm going to come here. I'm glad that you're both here too. _


	68. Crumbling Dam

The trip to the shipyards was relatively brief, little more than an hour. But for Kirk it seemed to take forever.  
Because practically everything there brought sharp pangs to his chest.

He noted the Nlians wide eyes as they gazed at the various ships being constructed.

And he remembered looking out the window of the _Gilliam_ shuttle and seeing the _Enterprise_ for the first time  
in all her glory.

_'Jim, you've got to look at this. Jim, look.'_

_'Wow.'_

On one occasion he pointed out the types of ships being constructed and mentioned how all of the shipyards  
throughout the Federation were equally as busy.

And that brought a pang as he recalled a certain Chief Engineer who could talk one's ear off about ship  
construction.

And one ship in particular.

_"So the Enterprise has had its maiden voyage has it? She is one well-endowed lady. I'd like to get my hands  
on her ample nacelles, if you'll pardon the engineering parlance."_

On another occasion he mentioned some of the tactical capabilities the new ships would have.

That brought another pang as he recalled a conversation aboard an _Enterprise_ shuttle.

_'So what kind of combat training do you have?'_

_'Fencing.'_

Once he mentioned the new communications systems being installed.

And recalled a certain Chief of Communications.

_'Dock Control reports ready. Captain.'_

Later he overheard some workers discussing some new regulations.

Only to be reminded of a First Officer who was extremely fond of regulations.

_'I would cite Regulation but I know you will simply ignore it.'_

As night fell he led his friends to their waiting transport. A worker came up and told him that he hoped that he and  
his guests had enjoyed their visit. The worker looked young and that reminded Kirk of another young person.

_'Wait a minute, kid. How old are you?'_

_'Seventeen, sir.'_

On the trip back to San Francisco, Kirk didn't say a word but his thoughts never stopped arguing.

_You idiot! Why did you ever go there!?_

_I'm a Starfleet Captain! I'm supposed to be able deal with any situation! If I can't I have no business sitting in the Chair!  
I can't run from the past forever!_ _It's always going to be there and I'm just going to have to deal with it!_

When they arrived back at his flat he turned to the Nlians. "I'm sorry I wasn't very good company, guys."

"It's alright, Jim," Alyen said softly. "We knew you had a lot on your mind."

"Would you like to talk?" L'Naym asked.

Kirk nodded and for the next couple of hours he talked non-stop. He'd had many conversations with the Nlians  
before but the visit to Riverside and the Shipyards had put huge cracks in the dam.

He talked about everything. Even things that they'd discussed before.

Growing up with a dead father and an absentee mother.  
Being the only genius level repeat offender in Iowa.

Meeting Uhura at the Riverside Bar.  
Meeting Pike.  
Meeting Bones.  
The three years at the Academy.

Cheating on the _Kobayashi Meru_ test.  
The Hearing.  
Meeting Spock.

The distress call from Vulcan.  
Nero.  
Saving Sulu's life.  
Chekov saving both of them.  
The destruction of Vulcan.

Spock dumping him on Delta Vega.  
Meeting Old Spock and Scotty.

Beaming back to the _Enterprise._  
Saving Scotty when he got stuck in the water turbines.  
Emotionally compromising Spock.  
Becoming Acting Captain.  
The defeat of Nero.

His greatest moment: becoming Captain of the _U.S.S._ _Enterprise._

There was a long deathly pause. Then he began to talk again.

The fateful shore leave.  
The rape.  
His crew's betrayal.

Kirk could feel the dam crumbling. Tears welled up and spilled over his cheeks. He choked back a sob.

"Jim…" "L'Nayn whispered.

A tidal wave of emotion surged and another sob shook his body. He tried to hold it back. He'd cried in front of Bones  
but never in front of Shylea and Tuskaro. He didn't want to…

Two pairs of arms wrapped around him and suddenly he didn't care anymore. Because it was okay. The _Saratoga _was  
in Spacedock. His crew was scattered across the planet and most of them were probably, at that moment, having dinners  
with their families. It was okay. He didn't have to be strong now. He didn't have to be a Starfleet Captain now.

He could just be…Jim.

He clutched the Nlians tightly and wept.

"We're here, Jim," he heard L'Naym whispering. "We're here."

He had no idea how long he sat there, clinging to them both and crying, it could have been minutes or hours.  
Finally though, his sobs dwindled. First into sniffles, then trembling breaths and finally silence.

"Jim," L'Naym whispered; "you're not alone. You have Dr McCoy and Admiral Pike. You have your crew. And you have us."

"We'll always be here for you," Alyen added gently. "We'll no doubt make mistakes. But we'll always be here for you  
and we will _never _betray you."

"I know," Kirk whispered as he squeezed them both. Slowly he disengaged himself from them and they all sat quietly  
for awhile as he calmed.

Then Alyen leaned forward. "Jim, Shylea and I have talked about this. We'd like to give you something."


	69. Gift Offered

"You know that our people are telepathic," Alyen began. "There are four levels of sharing that we partake in.  
The first and most basic is called the _Sensing_. We can sense the strong emotions of members of our species  
that we're in physical contact with. Its not a conscious action on our part…people naturally project their  
emotions and we sense them. Again this usually only happens among our species. If one of us touched  
a member of another species, neither would sense anything.

"The second level is called the _Heart Touching_. When we touch each other and concentrate we can share  
not just emotions but thoughts. In doing so, we touch each other's hearts. People often do this with  
friends and family.

"The third level is even more intimate and usually only done between immediate family members:  
the _Soul Sharing_. You share not only your thoughts and feelings, but your very soul. Your soul is 'you'  
down to your essence. It's all that you are, the core of your being. When two or more people go to this  
level they 'show' their souls to each other. They 'share' them with each other. Once that's done, they  
always share a deep connection. And from that point on they no longer Heart Touch but Soul Touch."

"I would think so," Kirk said. "It sounds pretty intimate."

"Very. Many consider it the level at which true communion takes place, because it goes beyond words,  
beyond physical touch."

L'Naym now spoke. "The fourth level is the most intimate of all: The _Soul Joining_. When a couple lifemate  
they bind their souls together permanently. It is the most sacred, intimate act of our people and only done  
between lifemates. From that moment on they know each other more intimately than any other, they are  
always aware of each other and nothing, short of the death of one of them, can break their Bond."

She gazed lovingly at her lifemate. "I wish that I had the words to describe it, Jim. Human lifemates  
often wear rings as an outward sign, both to themselves and others, that they're bound to each other.  
With Nlians that's not necessary because the Bond between lifemates can be sensed, not just by the  
couple in question but by others. Every soul has its own voice and when it Joins with another something  
is added to it and it transforms. A Nlian could tell that another Nlian had Joined their soul with another  
from something as casual as Sensing. When two Nlians Join their souls they become one."

She took her lifemate's hand. "From the moment Tuskaro and I Joined there was no longer 'him' or 'me'.  
There was only 'us.'"

Kirk smiled. "I know. I can tell."

"It's the reason why Nlian lifemates in Starfleet are always assigned together. Why, before our people  
ever went to the stars, lifemates _always_ accompanied each other on extended journeys. Joined souls  
are one and while they can endure separations it can never be for a lengthy period because the longer  
they're apart the greater the pain of being separated from their other half."

Kirk nodded, trying to imagine being connected to someone in such a way. To love someone so much  
that he would desire such a bond. "All of that's really interesting, guys. But what exactly is it that you  
wanted to give me?"

Alyen spoke again. "As I said, Soul Sharing is usually only done among immediate family members.  
But sometimes it's done by the closest of friends. When two Join their souls they become Lifemates.  
When two…or more…Share their souls they become Soul Siblings." His tone was soft now as he looked  
at Kirk. "A Soul Sibling is regarded as far more than a friend. A Soul Sibling is considered as much  
a family member as a blood relative and is accepted by other family members as such."

Kirk's eyes widened and his heart clenched as he realized what was being offered to him. "And…you're  
both offering to do this…for me? "To…share your souls with me?"

L'Naym nodded and smiled gently. "Yes, if you're willing. To share one's soul with another is one  
of the greatest gifts possible among our people and never offered lightly. It gives great comfort, strength  
and joy, but it is also a burden. And once it's done it changes you forever."

Kirk stammered, thoughts reeling. "I…I thought you said that your telepathy didn't work with non-Nlians."

Alyen nodded. "Normally that's true. Ordinarily we can only Sense or Touch other members of our species.  
Trained healers are able to Sense a member of another species. And with concentration, a Nlian is able  
to Share with a member of another species who they have an emotional connection with. This forms  
a Bond between them and from that point on they're able to Sense and Touch each other as easily as  
any other Nlian."

"Is it safe? You're both Nlian and I'm Human. We're two different species and our brains work differently."

"It's safe," L'Naym answered. "We've been thinking about this for a long time and we've done research.  
There have been instances when members of our species have Shared with a Human. There's a Nlian  
doctor at Starfleet Medical that we've talked to, Dr. Melata Tyesh. She assured us that it's safe,  
but you can talk to her as well. She has a human Soul Sibling, Ayesha Rizvi. They Shared souls over  
thirty years ago while they were both at the Academy."

She managed a flash of her usual humor. "_Captain_ Rizvi is currently CO of a hospital ship, the _USS Apgar.  
_As I understand it, she turned down a promotion to Commodore two years ago because she preferred  
to be on the bridge of a ship instead of behind a desk. So I don't think that you need to worry about  
something like this effecting your ability to command."

Kirk nodded. As tempting as this was he was still a Starfleet Captain and needed to know all relevant  
facts before making decisions. "What are the permanent effects of this Bond?"

"We'd be able to communicate telepathically if in physical contact," Alyen said. "If you died we'd sense  
it and vice versa."

"Would it hurt me to be separated from you?"

Alyen shook his head. "No more than it would hurt you to be separated from anyone that you cared out."

"Would I always be aware of you and vice versa?""

"No. We wouldn't sense anything of each other unless we were in physical contact. The only other exception  
would be if one of us died."

"If that happened how would it effect the others?"

"It's not dangerous physically," L'Naym answered. "The Bond between lifemates is the strongest Bond  
there is and if one of them dies the survivor suffers enormous pain and grief but no one as ever died  
as a result. The Bond between Soul Siblings is much weaker. If one of us died you'd feel it but you'd  
suffer no physical or psychological damage. Dr. Tyesh told us about another human associate of hers,  
a Dr. Kyle Howard. He's not part of Starfleet but he was part of an interspecies medical exchange and  
spent several years on Nlia. He had a Soul Sibling who later died. He was deeply grieved but fine  
otherwise."

"If I ever wanted could this Bond be broken?"

L'Naym nodded. "Yes, with assistance from a trained healer. But even if you chose to have the connection  
severed you wouldn't forget what it was like. You would have seen our souls so even if we were no longer  
connected you would still know us more intimately than anyone else. I told you that when a soul Joins with  
another something is added to it and it transforms. That also happens if it Shares, although in a smaller way.  
Even if you severed the Bond you would still be changed by it, as you would from any deep friendship with  
another."

A sudden thought occurred to him. "This…this wouldn't damage _your_ Bond would it?"

L'Naym smiled. "No. In fact I have a Soul Sibling already- my cousin D'Ray. She's my Soul Sister."

L'Naym once again turned solemn. "Jim, you don't need to decide right away. Take time to think about it.  
Talk to the people that we mentioned- we'll give you their contact information. Talk it over with Dr. McCoy.  
Talk it over with Admiral Pike. Know that if you don't accept we'll be honored to continue to call you friend.  
And know that if you do accept we'll be honored to call you brother."


	70. Gift Accepted

_6/8/2259_  
_Kirk's Flat_

"Are you sure?" Alyen asked.

Kirk nodded. For the past few days he'd done nothing but think of the Nlians' offer.

He'd continued to take them on their Earth Tour and every day since had been filled with activity and,  
in the Nlians' case, and excitement. The day following the visit to the Great Plains he had taken them  
to Alaska where they'd seen glaciers for the first time in their lives. On the day following that  
they'd visited the Rocky Mountains and Yellowstone Park.

The next part of the tour had been L'Naym's favorite; a visit to the Amazon Rainforest. The day following  
that had been a trip to the Serengeti. Yesterday had been a visit to Mount Everest and the Himalayas.  
Today had been the Australian outback.

But through it all their offer had remained constantly in his thoughts.

He'd contacted the people the Nlians had mentioned. He'd had a few conversations with both Bones  
and Pike.

And he had come to a decision.

"Yes."

Smiling reassuringly L'Naym took his hand in hers and with her other she reached for her lifemate's.  
Alyen extended one hand to her and the other to Kirk, until they were bound in a circle. All three then  
closed their eyes.

*******************************************

_At first the Human Soul was alone. Then two others flowed toward him and around him._

_*I…I can feel you both.* The Soul reached out shyly but eagerly, fascinated by the experience.  
Basking in the warmth, the familiarity of the other two._

_*Are you sure you want to go on, Jim? You've never been as close to anyone as you're about to.*_

_*Yes.*_

_*Then see us, Jim. Know us.*_

_The two Souls laid themselves bare to the Third Soul. Offering him everything they were._

_*I am Shylea…* a joyful Soul filled with song sang._

_A heart filled with joy and wonder.  
Love of nature threading through her soul like vines.  
Love of song bursting forth like a spring.  
A garden filled with life and beauty.  
A oasis providing refreshment and shade.  
Her greatest joy to give joy to others.  
Shylea._

_**I am Tuskaro…** A gentle Soul filled with tenderness whispered._

_A gentle breeze giving relief.  
A quiet stream bringing life.  
As unassuming as moss, yet providing shelter like a tree.  
A heart born to care.  
Hands born to heal.  
His greatest joy to make others whole.  
Tuskaro._

_Shylea and Tuskaro…  
Two beautiful Souls forever Joined._

_His heartbeat was her own.  
Her breath was his life._

_Shylea and Tuskaro…  
Two handfuls of water joined to become one._

_*We are one.* the Joined Souls whispered._

_The Third Soul gasped— eyes wide and tear-filled, reeling from the gift given him._

_"Shylea…" he whispered out-loud. "Tuskaro…"_

_It seemed that he had never spoken their names before… Had never truly __**seen**__ either of them before.  
Their souls had been worn openly yet invisible until now. Unseen, unheard and unfelt by all but each  
other…and now him._

_Now he truly saw them. Heard them. Felt them. __**Knew**__ them._

_It was a shock to receive their souls. It was joyous. It was uplifting._

_It was crushing. The Third Soul felt borne to the ground from the sheer enormity of the gift._

_*I have to give you something back!*_

_*Jim this is a gift freely given,*the Joined Souls responded gently.*You don't have to give anything back.*_

_But one would have an easier time breaking away from a black hole than to try to talk James T. Kirk  
out of something once he'd made up his mind._

_*Yes I do!*_

_*Jim, if you Share your soul, you'll be changed forever.*_

_*I've already been changed forever! I've done nothing but change from the moment I joined Starfleet!  
Please…I __**need**__ this.*_

_*Very well. Whatever you choose to give us we will accept with joy.*_

_Slowly the Third Soul opened himself and let the Two in._

_Gently, the Joined Souls embraced the Third and saw him._

_*I…am Jim…* a strong, dynamic yet injured Soul whispered._

_Confident, fearless and clever.  
Fueled by passion and bravado.  
Born to lead and a need to care.  
Love of action pulsing through his very blood.  
Love of exploration etched in to his very soul.  
His greatest joy the far horizon and the distant star.  
Jim._

_This was the part that anyone who knew the Third Soul, even casually, was familiar with.  
But he invited the Joined Souls deeper…__**Begged**__ them both deeper._

_*Please…__**see**__ me.*_

_Alone.  
So long alone…  
Born amidst tragedy.  
Heir to a legend which for years had seemed a curse._

_A father who died…  
A mother who ignored him…  
A brother who left him…  
Alone._

_Alone…  
And lonely.  
A need for connection._

_For a long time afraid of serious relationships.  
Remembering the grief his mother went through after losing his father…  
Remembering the pain as she ignored him, a reminder of what she had lost.  
Remembering the abandonment when his brother left.  
Remembering and telling himself that he won't let anyone get so close that they can hurt him._

_But still needing…longing._

_Constant flirtations and endless women chasing.  
Telling himself it's nothing but fun and pleasure…  
But deep down a way to connect to someone if only for a brief time._

_And all of it meaningless.  
So many women he loses count…  
But still alone.  
And lonely._

_*And then it all seemed to turn around.*_

_A victory.  
A Captaincy.  
The most glorious ship in the Fleet.  
A crew comprised of the brightest and the best.  
A young, golden Captain in command._

_The future suddenly limitless._

_And deep down a Promise…  
Of no longer being alone.  
Of having what he had never truly had before…  
A family._

_Pride and joy unbounded…_

_*I went from being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest to the Poster Boy of Starfleet.  
Not bad, huh?*_

_Swept up in the excitement…_

_*I felt like I was flying. That I would never come down.*_

_The Third Soul hesitated. *Of course I did come down. Crashing.*_

_*Jim,* the Joined Souls said,*if you want to stop.*_

_*No. I need to show you both. I've talked to Bones, Chris, Joyce, Hatcher, Ambassador Spock  
and more Starfleet shrinks then I care to remember. I've talked to you guys. But I need…I need  
for someone to really __**know**__…*_

_*Then share it, Jim,* the Joined Souls whispered. *Burdens shared are burdens lessened.*_

_The Third Soul hesitated again. *But …But what if this hurts you both?*_

_*Share it, Jim,* The Joined Souls whispered firmly. *We're strong enough.*_

_A seemingly random shore leave.  
Sitting in a bar.  
Talking to the patrons.  
Flirting with the barmaid._

_Some friendly-looking guy sitting next to him.  
Turning around for a minute to ask someone something.  
Turning back to his drink…  
The drink that he had looked away from.  
Drinking…  
Mind fogging…blacking out…_

_A violation…_

_Awakening afterwards…  
The horrifying realization…_

_Pain…  
Horror…  
Choking shame…_

_Body violated.  
Mind numb with shock.  
Heart ripped to shreds._

_Wounded he staggers back to his ship…to his new home…desperately seeking refuge.  
Bleeding from every pore he turns to his crew…  
To his new family…_

_"Well, looks like someone had a wee of a night, eh?"  
"Can't you at least keep these things off duty, Captain?"_

_His silent cries of pain unheeded.  
No comfort or help offered.  
Only stares, whispers, snickers and comments…_

_"Looks like the Captain had it coming."  
"Serves him right, I say."_

_"Help me, please!" he pleads with each of them._

_"With all due respect, Captain, I believe that your personal affairs should remain exactly that – personal."  
"Sorry, Captain, but I'm a wee bit busy here…"_

_Every word of rejection a stab through an already injured soul._

_"Sorry, sir – but there's this experiment we have running at the botany labs…"  
"Excuse me, Keptin, but I have several things to do at ze astrolabs…"_

_Heart ripped to shreds…again._

_A father who died…  
A mother who ignored him…  
A brother who left him…_

_A crew who betrayed him._

_They were his family.  
He would have done anything for them.  
He would have died for them.  
But when he needed them most, they turned their backs._

_The Promise shattered._

_Betrayed.  
Abandoned.  
Forsaken.  
Alone._

_All three Souls wept._

_The Third Soul clung to the two and wept as the full force of his pain burst forth._

_The Joined Souls tightly embraced the Third and wept with him._

_*We're here, Jim. We're here.*_

_*It hurt…so much. It still hurts. It __**hurts.**__*_

_The Joined Souls embraced the Third more tightly and poured out their care and love._

_The Third Soul drank it like a man dying of thirst being giving water._

_Slowly, gradually he began to calm._

_*Jim,* the Joined Souls whispered; *Jim, we see you. We grieve for your pain but we rejoice in you!  
You are Jim, and we are glad! You are __**not**__ alone!*_

_*I know,* the Third Soul whispered back._

_A new start, a new life.  
A new ship, small but steady.  
A new crew that from day one gives him their all.  
Boundless in his gratitude toward them.  
His greatest fear letting them down.  
They are his true family and he would die for them gladly._

_*We are __**all**__ glad, Jim. You are __**not**__ alone.*_

_*I know.*_

_He comes to his new ship…  
Wounds healing but still leaking blood.  
Uncertain, almost afraid to hope, he looks to his new crew.  
'Will you help me?" he whispers.  
And with both hands open, all do._

_The pain from the violation and the betrayal…  
Still painful and always would be…  
But nowhere near as bad as before.  
The wounds deep but healing slowly and steadily…  
His crews' support a healing balm.  
Theirs and…_

_Two old friends who stood by him when others turned away.  
Two new friends who took him into their hearts.  
Their love a healing balm.  
Boundless in his gratitude and love for them.  
They are his anchors.  
They are his home.  
He can hold everyone else as long as they hold him._

_*We are yours and you are ours,* the Joined Souls affirmed.*We won't leave you.*_

_*I know. And __**I'm **__glad. __**So**__ glad.*_

_The three Souls wept again. Both from pain and from joy. Pain from what the Third Soul had suffered  
and joy from what he had found._

_*You are Jim. And you are ours,* the Joined Souls whispered._

_*You are Shylea and Tuskaro,* the Third Soul responded. *You are one. And you are my mine.*_

_All three Souls knew that this was their new truth._

_For a joyous, eternal moment all three Souls embraced. The Joined Souls and the Soul they had touched._

_Then the Touched Soul sensed that he needed to stop. If he went any deeper, he would Join with the Two.  
These were his beloved friends, but not his lifemates. Their deepest inner cores were not his to claim._

_He realized that the Joined Souls had known this as well, but they hadn't pushed him away or asked  
him to stop because they didn't want him to feel rejection. Gratitude for their thoughtfulness and trust,  
as well as the incredible gift they had already given him, filled him._

_*I will __**never**__ betray your trust,* the Touched Soul whispered._

_*We know, Jim,* the Joined Souls responded confidently._

_The Touched Soul slowly moved back and felt the Joined Souls gently disengaging from him.  
He felt a sense of loss and yet reassurance for something priceless had been added to him._

_*We told you that we'd wouldn't leave you Jim,* the Joined Souls whispered. *And we never will.  
Our souls have touched and although they didn't Join an imprint remains. Part of us will always  
be with you and you with us, even if our bodies are separated by light years._

_*Before you were our friend. Now you are much more. You are part of our souls and we are part of yours.  
We are your Soul Siblings and you are our Soul Brother. Both in this life and in the one to come.* _

********************************************************

James Tiberius Kirk slowly opened his eyes, that were nearly swollen shut from weeping.

Shylea L'Naym and Tuskaro Alyen sat with him in a similar state.

Not a single word was spoken between any of them.

None were needed.


	71. Affirmations

_6/9/2259_  
_Starfleet Medical_

The three new Soul Siblings spent most of the morning after their Sharing talking quietly.  
At 11:00 Kirk arranged for a guide to take the Nlians on a visit to Fisherman's Wharf. He then headed  
to Starfleet Medical where Dr. Tyesh waited to perform a complete physical to make certain that the  
new Bond had formed smoothly and that nothing was amiss. A condition set by Dr. McCoy.

When Kirk had first told him of the Nlians offer, Bones had immediately done his own research and  
had had several conversations with Tyesh, Howard and Rizvi. He'd still insisted that Kirk be examined  
immediately following the Sharing. When Kirk arrived for his appointment he wasn't at all surprised  
to find his old friend there as well.

He recalled a previous conversation with his Soul Siblings. _"Bones has always been a worry-wort,"_  
he'd explained.

"_What he __**is**__ is your closest friend, Jim,"_ L'Naym had corrected. _"And he loves you. He's your Heart  
Brother and everybit as much your Soul Sibling as we are. You may not have a telepathic Bond,  
but you __**have**__ touched each others souls."_

Kirk looked fondly at his oldest friend. _That we have_, he thought. _That we have._

During the exam the Nlian doctor performed a gentle Sensing. "The Bond formed smoothly,"  
she informed them both with a smile. "Its very strong and glows with beauty. Great strength  
and healing will flow from it."

Kirk smiled. "It already has," he said softly.

After the examination, the two friends went to a café. "So what was it like, Jim?" McCoy asked.

Kirk was silent for a moment, recalling the events of the previous evening.

* * *

_*Flashback.*_

_Before they retired for the night, Kirk almost shyly asked his new Soul Siblings if they could Share again._

_Smiling they once again offered him their hands._

_Three Souls once again touched._

_The Touched Soul clung to the Two, reveling in the intimacy. He hadn't realized how much he had_…  
_**needed**__ this. _

_At first his almost desperate need surprised him until he realized that it shouldn't. In fact it was only  
to be expected._

_All of his life he had longed for connection. For intimacy. For love. And yet he had gotten precious  
little of it. Even worse the last time someone had touched him intimately it had been a brutal violation.  
But this_… _this was non-physical, but far more intimate. Done with tenderness and wholly from love_.

_He wept again, this time from gratitude._

_The Joined Souls felt the Touched Soul's joy and rejoiced as well._

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

"Bones…there are just no words," he managed softly.

"I'm glad for you, Jim," McCoy said just as softly

Kirk smiled. "In case you ever feel like you're missing out, they told me that if you ever want to they  
could help you touch my soul for a moment. It's complicated, but one of them could…act as a conduit…  
form a brief connection between the two of us. "

McCoy snorted although his expression remained fond. "You know I've never cared for telepathic  
voodoo, Jim. It's bad enough that _you_ got sucked into it."

Kirk smiled. "I had a feeling you'd say that, Bones. But it's fine."

And it was. He and Bones had never Shared souls and possibly never would. But what they already had  
was more than enough.

* * *

_Starfleet Headquarters_

After his lunch with McCoy, Kirk headed over to Starfleet Headquarters for another meeting with Pike.

When he had first mentioned to Pike what the Nlians had offered, his mentor had been supportive  
but concerned and still was now.

"Jim, some in Starfleet Command might not consider your relationship with them to be appropriate.  
They might start citing fraternization regulations."

"Fraternization regulations exist to monitor _romantic_ relationships, Admiral," Kirk responded firmly.  
"And their purpose is to keep superior officers from taking advantage of subordinates. This is _not_  
a romantic relationship- it's strictly platonic on both sides. And _they _were the ones who first approached _me._  
_They_ offered _me_ their friendship."

He paused then continued quietly. "There is no regulation that dictates who a Captain can and can't  
be friends with." Another pause. "And sometimes we're the ones who need friends the most."

_"_I know,_"_ Pike said just as quietly.

Kirk continued. _"_And since we're discussing relationships- Dr. McCoy and I are close friends and no one's  
ever expressed concern over _that._ Captains _frequently_ form close friendships with their Senior staff  
and that's considered perfectly normal. It's true that they seldom form friendships with lower ranking  
crewmembers, but that's because they seldom interact with them, not because its against regulations.  
My friendship with Alyen and L'Naym may be unusual, but its no more or less appropriate than a Captain  
forming a close friendship with _anyone_ under his command."

He sighed. "I really don't see it being a problem. As you yourself pointed out, they're both enlisted crewmen.  
Neither of them work on the bridge and neither of them are involved in any command decisions.  
Normally we don't see each other at all while on duty, unless I take them on an shuttle mission or  
I'm accompanying the team they're part of. And that doesn't happen often because I make it a point  
to go with different teams every day."

Pike acknowledged that. It also helped that the _Saratoga_ was a research vessel that typically went  
on relatively safe missions. Kirk knew that it would have been a far greater cause for concern if they'd  
been on a ship that was regularly involved in dangerous missions. A ship like the _Enterprise._

He also told Pike something that the Nlians had said the previous night.

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_"Jim, tell this to Admiral Pike, or to anyone else in Starfleet Command," L'Naym began quietly.  
"If down the road this causes __**any**__ problems __**at all: **__then Tuskaro and I will both transfer.  
You can sign off our papers that very day and put us off on the next starbase." _

_When Kirk began to protest she continued. "When we graduated we fully expected to be sent to a station  
or a planet and we'll probably wind up on one anyway when we start a family. We'll be fine wherever we go.  
Neither of us have the highest scores in our fields but we both do our best and according to our Department  
heads we both do well at our jobs. Commander Rodriguez says that I'd be an asset to any botanical  
department or project."_

_"Dr. McCoy says that my work is 'satisfactory,'" Alyen put in._

_Kirk couldn't help but chuckle. "Coming from Bones that's very high praise."_

_"The point, Jim, is that we wouldn't have any problems getting another posting," Alyen continued.  
"There'll always be work somewhere for a medic and a botanist. It doesn't matter to us where we go,  
as long as we're together. The Saratoga is __**your **__ship, Captain. So if anyone's leaving it's us."_

_"__**Nobody's**__ leaving," Kirk said firmly. "Not me and neither of you." He reached out and clasped  
both of their hands. "We'll make this work."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

"You have good friends, Jim," Pike said.

"I know. And there's one more thing I'd like to add in case anyone brings up anything about fraternization…  
particularly with me and L'Naym."

He took a breath. "I admit that I was once very much a Ladies Man. But on the _Enterprise_, my personal  
policy toward female crewmembers was 'Flirt but don't touch.' I've continued that policy on the _Saratoga._

"Alyen and L'Naym are both married crewmembers under my command. Even before I became Captain,  
I may have been a player but I was never a poacher. I would _never _behave in such a manner toward  
a married woman, least of all one under my command. And I would _never_ come on to crewmember's wife  
behind his back. It would betray a trust and I've promised them, and the rest of my crew, that I will _never_  
betray their trust.

"And even if there were no rules of conduct, even if I wasn't a Captain but some average guy on the street,  
even if Shylea wasn't married…" He paused. "Shylea is a lovely young woman but…and this would have  
surprised _me_ once…before all this I never once thought of her as anything but a friend. And now…"

Kirk paused again. He had seen Shylea and Tuskaro's souls. He _knew_ them. The lifemates were Joined Souls.  
They were one.

Just the _thought_ of intruding into their Bond…

And as for how _he_ felt towards her…

"Admiral," he said quietly; "would you ever sleep with your sister?"

At Pike's startled expression he continued. "Of course not. And neither would I. That's what Shylea is.  
My sister."

* * *

_Grand Canyon_

Kirk watched the sunset turn the surrounding area into a panorama of red and gold glory. It had been  
late afternoon by the time he'd finished with the meeting, but he'd wanted to take his new Soul Siblings  
on at least a partial visit of something. On the 11th he and his crew would be reporting back to duty  
and on the 12th they would once again head out into the black, so he was determined to make the last  
days of their Earth Tour count.

So for tomorrow, the final day of the tour, it would be a visit to the Hawaiian islands. For this evening,  
a brief visit to the Grand Canyon.

As he watched the Nlians gazing in awe at the view he smiled.

_Shylea…Beloved sister…Soul Sibling._

_Tuskaro_…_Beloved brother_…_Soul Sibling._

As if sensing his mood, the Nlians looked at him and smiled. Wordlessly they each took his hand.

_Three Souls once again touched._

_*Jim_…_Beloved Brother_…_Soul Sibling.*_

_The Touched Soul's smile broadened. He definitely enjoyed being a brother._


	72. A New Start

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.6.12._

_Today is my first day back on bridge and in a few hours its back into the black. The Saratoga has been assigned  
another six month mission, this time to the little explored Beta Quadrant. Starfleet is sending explorer ships ever  
further afield. They've been discovering many interesting things and trusty Delphis class ships are needed to check  
them out. I'm looking forward to the chance to take a closer look. Since we'll be in deeper space I'm also looking  
forward to __**occasionally**__ getting a first look at something too. (In other words anychance I can get! )_

_Speaking of Delphis class-yesterday I attended the launching of the U.S.S. Salamis, the 7th Delphis class ship built.  
She's commanded by Captain LeAnn Foxworth, a noted zoologist, and will be focusing mostly on zoological studies.  
(I know that Connor would love to visit that ship!) So there are now currently five Delphis class ships in the Fleet,  
with a sixth scheduled for later this year. Knowing that makes me feel proud._

_The Salamis' christening didn't have anywhere near as much pomp and ceremony as a larger ship would have had.  
But from conversations that with the commanding officers of other Delphis class ships, I've learned that the crews  
of our class don't care for pomp. We are research vessels and we're here to work not get accolades. We don't care  
about ceremonies, just doing our jobs. Our ships don't get much attention and some in Starfleet, (including certain  
Admirals that I could mention) don't think much of them. But those who serve on them know their worth._

_And I know the worth of mine. When we leave we're going to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Portland to pick up the  
members of our crew that remained on Vlaren to help the Motronian colonists. After that we be heading to Alzon.  
The planet has been suffering from a severe famine and the inhabitants' food supplies have become depleted as  
a result. In addition to giving them supplies, we'll also be helping them try to develop new methods of food  
production. If __**that**__ isn't important I don't know what is._

_Yes, I definitely know the worth of my ship and my crew. And its good to be back with them._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

Kirk smiled as he made his way through the hallways of the _Saratoga _on his way to Engineering. Seeing his small  
ship again and seeing her corridors filled with his crewmates…it felt _great._

He thought fondly of his crew, all of whom he had dedicated himself to getting to know. He thought lovingly  
of his best friend who had helped him through so much and whom he was grateful to more than words could  
ever say.

And he thought lovingly of his new Soul Siblings. One of whom was now in Medbay and the other in the Botany labs.  
Things would be hectic for the next few days so he doubted he'd be able to spend much time with either of them.  
But that was all right...just knowing that they were there was enough.

That brought to mind a conversation he'd recently had with Ambassador Spock. The elderly Vulcan had vowed  
never to give him information which could alter his destiny. But when Kirk had mentioned his new Soul Sibling  
Bond, Spock had informed him of a greeting that Vulcan spouses used with each other; _'Parted from me and  
never parted. Never and always touching and touched.'_

_It's that way with both spouses and Soul Siblings, _Kirk thought_. But it's not just them. Every person that you  
make a connection with stays with you in a way. Every person with whom you interact leaves an imprint however  
tiny. And you don't have to touch a person physically to leave an imprint either. Sometimes all it takes are words_…  
_or lack of._

_Like the words said and not said on the Enterprise._

When he had left the _Enterprise_ he'd never wanted to see or think about her again, but that of course had been  
impossible. In the months since leaving, and increasingly over the last several days, he'd done a lot of thinking  
about both it and his former crew. Their betrayal, the 'whys', and his own reactions.

Part of his former crews' problem, he knew, had had to do with age. The _Enterprise,_ when all was said and done,  
had basically been a ship of college students. Brilliant students no doubt, but still students. And while brilliance  
was something that one could be born with, sensitivity and wisdom where things that grew over time. To put  
it simply: the _Enterprise_ crew had been brilliant but immature.

The older crewmembers hadn't been exempt either. Scotty could be very immature at times; after a broken Spock  
had relinquished command and left the bridge after nearly strangling Kirk, Scotty had burst in with a comment over  
how 'exciting' the whole thing was. Even Spock, for all of his vaunted logic was often clueless about human behavior.

And then there had been his own expectations. When the rape occurred he had been on the _Enterprise_ for little  
more than a month and he hadn't yet formed strong bonds with his crew or vice versa. In many ways they were  
still strangers to each other. And yet he had seen them as more.

By nature he was a gregarious person who needed to connect with others. And yet for most of his life he had  
been alone. Bones was the first close friend that he had ever had. He had known precious little connection  
but deep down had desperately wanted and needed it.

And so when he was given command of the _Enterprise _he had seen the crew as he had wanted them to be…  
the family that he'd never had. And that longing had blinded him. He had subconsciously thought of the _Enterprise_  
crew as family and so he hadn't taken into account that they didn't yet see him the same way.

And so when the rape occurred it had perhaps been inevitable that it would end badly when he turned to them  
for support. They had been sorely lacking in maturity. He in turn had been naïve and had set his expectations  
too high. He had seen their bond as he had _wanted_ it to be not as it truly was.

And the simple fact was that they hadn't had a bond at all. At that point they had still been virtual strangers.  
He didn't really know them and they didn't know him. Hell, most of them had probably still seen him as the cocky,  
womanizing cadet who'd cheated on the _Kobayashi Meru _and who instead of being expelled, had been promoted  
and handed the Flagship.

Not that that excused their betrayal. Even if there hadn't been strong emotional ties, he had still been their _Captain.  
_He had been owed, if not their friendship, at least their _respect._ Even if he had been a stranger to them they should  
have been willing to help a stranger lying wounded in a ditch. Hell, that was one of Starfleet's main objectives: helping  
others. They helped thousands of strangers every day, most of who's faces they never saw. The crew should have  
been willing to help a stranger _on their own ship_, one whose_ face_ at least they knew.

And the damage had been severe. A rape was devastating enough, but to have one's own crew, even if they weren't  
close to you and vice versa, not show _any_ support _at all_…

Even before the rape he had been somewhat emotionally stunted. After the rape he had been traumatized. His longing  
for connection had been transformed into a frantic need for someone, _anyone_ to hold and comfort him. And to have  
his crew turn their backs on him when he was in such a state…

_You said that Bones was my Heart Brother, Shylea._ _He's a lot more than that. He's my Heart __**Rescuer.**__  
Him and Pike both. If they hadn't been there for me_…

He didn't know if he could ever forgive the _Enterprise_ crew for their betrayal. But he _did_ know that he didn't want  
what had happened to control him any more.

Did he wish that he had never served on the _Enterprise_ at all? No. If he hadn't Earth would have been destroyed,  
but there had been other plusses as well. As L'Naym had said, the _Enterprise_ had been where he had come into his  
own as Captain. It had also been where he had put to rest forever the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest.  
And in the month that he had been in command he had learned many things and had had some good times.

He thought of Filars' fiancé, Gordon Belmont, killed less then two weeks before the day that they would have married.  
Her time with him had ended in tragedy, but she was grateful for that time and was better for it. _'If I had never known  
him, had never loved him_…_I would have been far lesser.'_

His time aboard the _Enterprise_ had ended in tragedy and betrayal, but if he had never served on her, had never known  
her crew, he had to admit that he would have been lesser too. He wouldn't wish what had happened to him on anyone,  
but he had come through it a better Captain and a better man. And while he may have lost his old dreams there was  
nothing to stop him from getting new ones.

_'Get busy living, or get busy dying.' I choose to live._

Arriving in Main Engineering he quickly spotted his Chief Engineer going over something with Patariki.

"How're the engines doing, Commander?" he asked.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Purring like a kitten, Captain. They're ready to get started."

"I think we all are, Joyce." Putting an arm around her shoulders he gave her a warm squeeze. "I think we all are."

She gave a chuckle. "Come on. Patariki and I wanted your opinion on some new programs we're thinking about installing."

"Lead the way, Commander. "

The slate was never clean; the past always remained. But one could move beyond it. And while a person may never  
be able to have a clean slate, they could have a new start.


	73. Second Star to the Right

_Saratoga Bridge_

Kirk watched as the Bridge crew completed their departure preparations. Although visiting Earth was always great, being back  
on the bridge was like coming home.

The lift doors opened and Thelin entered. "All Departments report ready for launch, Captain."

"Thank you, Commander," Kirk replied as his First Officer headed to his station. Thelin always seemed to be everywhere at once  
and he sometimes felt that the Andorian had forgotten more about the ship's various Departments then anyone else would ever  
know. "It's good to know that you know what everyone on this ship is doing before they do it," he continued in a teasing manner.

Andorians often had trouble understanding the humor of other races, but Thelin was one of the exceptions. "I'm honored to be  
of service, Captain," he replied with a slight smile. Andorians usually conveyed a smile with a soft gaze, but those who had exposure  
to other races often learned to make human-like smiles.

Kirk turned to his CMO who had once again come up from Medbay to stand beside him during the launch. "Buckle up, Bones.  
I _know _how much you're looking forward to getting back out in the black."

_"Not,"_ McCoy muttered.

Kirk punched him affectionately on the shoulder.

"I'm going to make you pay for that at your next physical," the doctor warned. But his eyes shone with affection.

Kirk took his seat in the Captain's Chair. "Departure Stations, everyone." He then commed Engineering. "How we doing down  
there, Filars?"

_'Ready and raring to go, Captain.'_

Kirk smiled at the voice of his Chief Engineer. The Queen Bee of the Engine Room, Martell had called her and he'd been right.  
Of the Engine Room and the entire _Saratoga_ as well. Even when she was in the depths of Engineering her presence was felt all  
over the ship.

He turned to his Communications Officer. "M'Ress, get me Dock Control, please. I feel like making the call this time."

The Caitian smiled warmly and her golden eyes sparkled. "Dock Control reading, sir."

"Control this is _Saratoga,"_ Kirk announced; "Requesting permission to depart."

_'Permission to depart granted, Saratoga.'_

Kirk turned to his Helmsman. "Take us out, Mr. Akari."

"Aye, Captain."

Once again the tiny ship pulled away from its harbor.

Arex turned to look at him. "Course heading, Captain?" the Edosian asked in his quiet voice.

Kirk gazed thoughtfully at the viewscreen and the stars beyond it. _I'm the youngest Captain in Starfleet and I'm in command  
of one of the smallest ships __in the Fleet. __There's no other place I'd rather be._

He gave a gentle smile to his Chief Navigator. "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning."

END


	74. Note to Readers

To all of those who have favorited or followed this story I just want to say that words can never convey my gratitude.  
I am truly honored that I was able to touch and entertain so many. And to those who provided so much helpful feedback  
I am truly grateful.

And don't worry, this won't be the last that anyone hears from the crew of the U_.S.S. Saratoga!_ They have many adventures  
ahead of them and a lot more stories!

GOD bless  
John 3:16


End file.
